Stimming

Former Member

I feel embarrassed about stimming now. I just usually mess around with my hands, play with my hair or have my hands just up around level with my neck. Particularly when I’m nervous. I am stressed a whole lot more than normal as I’m on some sort of waiting list awaiting a call from the adult mental health team. So in a way I have a lot to say but not anyone I’m comfortable enough to do so.
I never realised my stimming and asked my mum and she said she sees it a lot more than usual recently 😫 I looked on how to suppress it and you can’t. I know I can just have a stress ball or fidget cube in my hand but I feel that draws more attention to what I’m doing. I feel embarrassed about the whole thing and just want to shrink into the ground and disappear 😔
Advice anyone?

Former Member

Hey @Millicento_
Thank you for sharing this with us, I understand it's not always easy to talk about, and it takes incredible strength. It sounds like it's causing you a bit of distress at the moment. I just wanted to remind you that we all cope in different ways and it sounds like stimming helps when you're feeling particularly nervous or overwhelmed. You mentioned that you're feeling embarrassed about it, do you feel comfortable sharing more with us about this? It's understandable to feel stressed, particularly when you're waiting for a call from the mental health team, I'm hearing that you're dealing with a lot of stress at the moment and that's increased the stimming. I just want to let you know that I think you're incredibly strong finding ways to cope with this stress isn't always easy, and it sounds like you're coping the best you can at the moment, and that's more than enough. If you feel comfortable to talk more about how you're feeling, we're always here for you. Thank you again for your strength in sharing this with us, sending you no end of love

Former Member

I think it's perfectly understandable that you would feel embarrassed or hyper aware of your own behaviour @Millicento_ but it's entirely possible that noone else notices what you're doing or if they do they don't think anything of it. It's actually very common for people to stim especially when they're stressed or nervous, and I would hate to see you getting yourself even more worked up trying to stop perfectly normal responses to stress.

Of course I understand that it's not as easy as just "turning off" your embarrassment and I hope what I've said here doesn't sound condescending, I just wanted to offer you a different perspective on what you're going through. I hope you'll keep us all up to date with how you're doing we're all rooting for you!

Former Member

@Brookee most the reason I feel embarrassed about it is because I can’t accept having Autism still, even though it’s been years now. That’s why it’s embarrassing, and the fact that it’s my hands around my face/neck just would look so odd and awkward😕

Former Member

Hey @Millicento_

That's completely understandable, diagnoses are not always easy to come to terms with and I think you're really strong for sharing all you have with us so far, so thank you for your courage. I'm wondering if there's anything you feel may help in accepting this? It's perfectly okay if not, I know it's not always easy to take accept diagnoses, so please don't worry if not. I hear you. You mentioned that the stimming often becomes more frequent when you're feeling more stressed or nervous, I'm wondering if there's anything that helps you cope with these feelings, like distractions i.e. watching your fave tv show, reading, listening to music etc?

Former Member

Aww, please don't feel so self-conscious about it. I don't know if it helps but I like to keep hair ties on my wrists to fidget with anytime coz it's a bit more discreet than a fidget cube. People may not notice as much as you think. In fact, I noticed that most people have their little "stims", whether its rocking a bit, finger tapping, leg shaking ect..

Unless your stims hurt you in some way, I don't see a reason to stop. If anything stimming can be helpful and should be normalised more.

Former Member

oh im very fidgety and struggle to sit still but i didnt know it had a name!!!

it you're not hurting yourself or anybody else with them, I agree with spoon, if it's helpful and doesn't hurt anyone there's no reason to stop!!

Laura_tigger82

Hello @Millicento_. Thanks for your post, you have shown a lot of strength and self-awareness in reaching out to us and sharing this with us.

In addition to agreeing with what everyone has already said, I would like to share the National Autistic Society's website information about stimming with you. Hopefully, you might find it useful.

I also hear that you are struggling to come to terms with your autism diagnosis and was wondering if you would like to share a little more with us about how that currently looks and feels for you?

Please feel free to keep us in the loop, we are all here for you