Strange reaction at work

Former Member

I was confused and wanted to see if anyone had any thoughts.

I went into the office the same day one of my team members was in.
I hadn't been in on the same day for a while because I was sort of semi away, or I came in on a different day to him.
I tried to say hello to my colleague on my team but he looked strangely upset and like gave me a look of sorts.
I don't think I ever did anything
It's strange I could get that he would prefer other ppl in the office for sure.
But I was only saying hi as a team member and he wasn't like this before. It might have been that I was away so long he was angry or found that since I was away this certain week I dumped responsibilities on him? (Not that I ever tried to just happened so to be a certain week)
I felt like he started to look down on me a bit? Its strange I dont know. It seemed like complete aversion to me ya know. After I walked up to get a drink I think he went to talk to someone else and they may even talked about me pretty sure that other guy was like why he be like that??
I dont mind the other guy tho he was talking to or upset about that just thinking hm strange.

I could apologise but I havent done anything wrong as I know of so I dont know what it would be for and would sound insincere and I feel like he dont even want to talk anything.
I could wait till work organises a formal meeting and try talk to him then. Or ofc just avoid forever haha.
It's just ashame because you learn a lot from talking to team even if not as friends.
I might be switching jobs at somepoint tho.
Im just confused though thinking about it and what happened xP any thoughts?

I may just come in on the day he doesn't anyway, its much more convenient for me and its the day that has the most other ppl. And there is someone else at work Ive been meaning to talk to for a while and they are most likely to be in on that day, I would really like to talk to and maybe exchange info or such. Its also a shame that work hasnt had any socials for a while but will see. Covid has made stuff strange.

Maisy

Just wondering whether you and the colleague you are referring to were close at all before your hiatus from work? And roughly how long have you not been in on the same day as your colleague- a few weeks or months?

If you weren't particularly close and you've been off for a while, could it be that he doesn't recognise or remember you? It sounds strange, but something similar happened to me a while ago, except that I was more like your work colleague. But in my case, it didn't register who the other person was and I get anxious talking to people so it felt weird that the person was talking to me and I didn't really know how to interact because they hadn't been in for a while and then we did different days.

If you can't think of anything you've done then it might just be that it didn't register that you are a colleague and that you have worked together before.

It is possible that if you've been away for a while, that your colleague had to take on more responsibilities too, but if anything, I would imagine they would be glad that you are back so they don't have to cover for you anymore.

You mention that it felt like your colleague looked down on you but did they actually do anything (besides the original incident and perhaps avoidance behaviour) that suggest this is how they feel? It might be that they are introverted and perhaps don't know how to interact with someone that has been away for a while. Unless of course your colleague was really social before and now is avoiding you specifically, I can't really think of any other reason behind your colleague's behaviour.

Is there anyone else you are friendly with that you could perhaps talk to and ask about your colleague? You could just mention it in a friendly way saying how you said hi and didn't get a much of a response and you are wondering if your colleague is okay. Others might be able to fill you in on things. Or you could try approaching your colleague directly...not necessarily to apologise since you don't think you've offended them or anything, but just mention that you said hi and are wondering if they are okay as they seem quieter than usual.

Of course, you don't have to make an effort to find out what's going on and it may be that you might end up switching jobs or doing different days and talking to other people instead. Try not to take this one incident personally

Former Member

Thanks @Maisy

Hmm well there is no way he doesn’t remember me haha our team is so so small
He has only been around for a short while so I guess he expected me to stick around? Just a few weeks Id say. Unlike me though he knows ppl in the office. I did say something about coming in on a certain day maybe since i wasnt there but i dont know. We talked every time we met in the office before with quite some depth and even at a social. And even if he did forget for some strange reason I wouldnt understand the look he gave me. I guess though maybe if u forgot then u could be scared..? Maybe

I don't really know anyone else in the company well apart from my manager (plus two others not so related) there are other ppl but I dont know them and dont feel comfortable talking to them.
The only person i could really ask is my manager i suppose but im pretty sure my colleague is doing okay? I guess i could ask tho hmm

Looks like I might be having a in work team meeting soon so will be forced to talk if thats the case haha. Now I think I feel its better to skip over it now and just try to talk like nothing happened, tbh i cant even process exactly to the point what happened at the time..
And I guess i was so baffled in the moment i had nothing to say xP but then asking how things are might be something i can try to be fair maybe i can find out a little more what happened without being to direct about it.. honestly its just annoying haha

Im pretty sure my colleague isnt introverted either although, i guees introverted ppl can be social too? He seems to be somewhat social with other ppl in office which is often difficult as our team doesnt usually interact widely with others. I dunno if he looked down on me or not tbh maybe its just me thinking I guess he just has more experience than me and I felt like when I mentioned how much experience I had he was like oh what kinda thing. But i guess its at least just in part just me perhaps though he was kinda judgemental of the work down of the previous ppl though I guess being critical is not necessarily a bad thing if it helps improve stuff. Just a vibe I got more so I cant say really or judge too quickly, just my mind trying to piece things together lol
I guess a small part of me found him a bit annoying maybe I guess but really I rather just chill and get along. At the end of the day me being away wasnt to avoid him or whatever i would have liked to have been there for him so yea maybe I also feel a little guilt to that but yea I try not to take it personally xP

Maisy

Hmm, that’s a tricky one. It doesn’t sound like it was possible for him to forget you…I guess he wasn’t expecting to see you back or something, though that doesn’t explain the look he gave you or why he talked to others and seemed to avoid you.

It might be best to just skip over the incident, especially with a team meeting coming up. Though you could always ask your colleague how things are, whether things were busy or any changes/news since you left.

It is difficult to judge whether someone is looking down on you or whether you think they are. If this hasn’t happened before then it maybe a one off, and nothing to be concerned about unless you notice it happening more often. Then again, it may just be the way that he is, especially since you feel he has been critical over others work. It may be that he has more experience and prefers things a certain way and that’s why you feel he looks down on you. But he should remember that he once started out with little experience too so he shouldn’t be too hard on you!

Former Member

It's all fine now he said good morning to me like it never happened (I sensed hesitancy tho), I do think he did Intentionally ignore me before but then went and thought about what he did or something but he seems to be talking to me all well now. Yep as long as it doesnt keep happening im good, I dont want to worry that not being in the office enough = dislike to me

He is quite critical sometimes but thats how he is I suppose he was telling me about how this and that annoyed him tho tbh I agreed so I dont think it was bad really tho I do get worried he might think my work is substandard tho its really that I got more to learn

Maisy

Glad to hear that things are fine now between you and your work colleague!

I agree, as long the behaviour has stopped and doesn't become a repeated action of deliberately ignoring/excluding, then it's fine.

Some people just are critical, though perhaps they see it as having high standards or wanting things to go well, or wanting to help etc. rather than being critical in a bad way. Hopefully, he doesn't think your work is substandard but if he did, then perhaps he could help you improve (if you wanted)? If not, he should still try to be a little understanding. The quality of people's work is going to be different and sometimes people bring different qualities to their work so it can't really be compared in a way.