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TW mental health/ family trauma

Rainbow114Rainbow114 Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
Hi I've just come on to vent but if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Im a young adult carer, and I've been caring for my mum since the age of 7. She has multiple health issues and mental health issues that have been heightened over the last lot of month due to death of my nanny (her parent). I also care for my sister who is autistic and has severe mental health issues (don't feel comfortable naming all fo her diagnosis). My dad also has his own issues.

Recently it has gotten to be very difficult, my sister has been very unsettled and has went backwards in terms of behaviour which has left my mum at her waits end. I am my mums emotional support so I have to be there for her listening to her concerns and own wellbeing and hearing how she can't cope atm kills me because I just want to make things better for her because of how much she's been through the last lot of months. At times I have to intervene with my sister as she gets to the point where she's screaming at my mum and lashing out but at the same time I have to keep my distance in order to protect myself (previous physical trauma). My dad is not aloud to intervene due to past experiences and he makes the situation worse (has bad anger issues). So it is on me to protect my mum.

Recently I had to go pick my dad up because he was too drunk to walk and was in a terrible state and had a breakdown when we got home. He was saying things that concerned me (i.e he doesn't want to be here) but also things that shocked me because I thought he had changed from the way he used to be. (He use to be verbally, mentally abusive to my sister and I while we were growing up right through to early adulthood.)but it was obvious from the the way he was talking he hasn't, as he denied ever doing anything.

I'm just struggling at the moment trying to care for all 3 of them and I have no family support my only support I had was my nanny who sadly passed away in January. I'm just in constant worry that one of them is going to do something stupid because they can't cope. And because I work as well this is a worrying because i'm not there all the time to help out or intervene when something goes wrong.

Please tell me there is other people out there with similar circumstances and knows anything that I can do?


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    DandelionDandelion Posts: 1,911 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Rainbow114 it sounds like you've got a lot to deal with at the minute it must be hard having to manage that by yourself. I've not personally had any experience with being a carer, but I've attached some resources that might be useful. Sending hugs x



    The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. 
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,107 Part of The Furniture
    edited April 2022
    Hi @Rainbow114. I am glad to see you feel able to come and vent.

    It sounds like things are really difficult for you right now. I am hearing you are trying to care for your whole family, bereaving the death of your nanny and hearing things from your dad that shocked you because you thought he had changed.

    It is understandable that you are feeling worried that one of them might do something stupid because they can't cope. I want to say how you are doing your best in a difficult situation but can't be responsible for other people.

    How is working going for you at the moment? I am sure there will be other people on The Mix's community with similar experiences who can advise you based on their similar experiences. You are not alone.

    I can see @Dandelion has included some resources that might be helpful. In addition to these, some resources you might find helpful include:
    • Childline (24/7) - you can contact them by calling 0800 1111, logging in for a 1-2-1 counsellor chat or by sending an email.
    • Cruse UK - you can contact them by calling 0808 808 1677 or by chatting with them online.
    • Samaritans (24/7) - You can contact them by calling 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org. An article that might be useful in addition to their 24/7 service is called when you are supporting friends and family.

    Also, we are all here for you and listening to you if you want to continue venting. Please keep us up to date with how you are, we are all here for you :)
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