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I am struggling.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 10 Settling in
in Health & Wellbeing
I often feel quite low. Like I'm a sad person. Just all the time feeling lifeless and depressed. I can't help it anymore. I'd say a year ago maybe I tried to fake it and hide my true emotions. But now I just be my quiet self constantly looking down and as if something is wrong. Worst part is when people ask and care etc. I mean ofc it's nice of people to ask you know. The "are you okays?" and like I'll say I am but the ones who actually look for a real answer can clearly see I'm not. Telling them I'm tired is always enough and does the trick. Sometimes I just want to break down in teats but it never happens. It's like I'm standing doing my job quietly and talking whenever I need to but generally it's down to a bare minimal. Even when people try to get me into a conversation I just give short answers and can't really be bothered. Not in a rude way or anything. Just like in a way that I'm keeping to myself. Yeah, so at times I'm just at work and like I'm so fed up and just want to start crying but I can't because of everyone around me. I hate drawing attention to myself and it's just something that won't happen. So, when it gets really bad and I become really negative inside my head or whatever, it builds up to the point where my eyes are teared up but than all the sadness and tears go away because I just can't breakdown like that in front of everyone. Which leaves me feeling so exhausted mentally. I dread to think the way people perceive me because visibly I am so emotionally low 24/7

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 10 Settling in
    The truth is I'm so emotionally drained that I'm not sure where things might be heading for me in like the next few months. I've been like this for about a year now. I've always been like this but I mean it's getting really bad now to the point where I'm trying to actually talk about it. Thankfully there is a platform like the mix otherwise I'd be feeling even more helpless
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    edited April 2022
    You have been really brave in telling us about how you are currently feeling @Waffler. Thanks for sharing this with us. It sounds really difficult that you often feel quite low, lifeless and depressed. You have done such a great job at recognising this and expressing how you are feeling.

    It sounds like you have tried to hide how you are feeling for quite a while but are now your quiet self constantly looking down as if something is wrong. From what I am hearing, it is frustrating when people ask you how you are because the ones who actually look for a real answer can clearly see that you are not ok at the moment.

    It sounds like this is currently meaning you are preferring to keep to yourself rather than have extended conversations with people. It is also meaning you are wanting to cry at work and you are feeling fed up but you don't feel able to cry because of other people around you. You hate to draw attention to yourself and this makes crying in front of people something you won't do.

    All of this is making you feel emotionally drained and you are not sure where things might be heading for you in like the next few months. In an ideal world, what would you like to happen in the next few months?

    You have mentioned it getting really negative inside your head. Would you feel comfortable telling us more about what this looks like for you? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us. I can see that talking to people is something you are trying to do.

    Some other potential supports where you can talk to people about how you are feeling include:
    • The Mix's helpline (4pm - 11pm) - Call 0808 808 4994
    • Shout's helpline (24/7) - Text 85258

      Please keep us up to date with how you are feeling, we are all here for you :)
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 10 Settling in
    That's a tough question. What would I like to happen in the next few months? I don't have any plans. Not even plans to make any plans. Um, I'm sorry I can't really answer that. I'm trying to think of something but there's nothing. It's hard to think about the future atm. Thinking ahead isn't my strong point. It's kind of in a way overwhelming because I'm not sure even in the slightest what I'd like to happen. I guess I'm fearing the worst is yet to come.

    I do feel comfortable enough to say what's going on in my head because this is a safe space. However, it's kind of complex and dark. Sometimes I just want to tell someone I want to kms even though I don't and won't even think that far yet. But idk if that's a sign. I'm very fed up and just bored and tired of life. If there's someone who asks that gives me the impression they care, I do say how I'm depressed or miserable. Whether they believe me or not idk but I vocalise it.

    @Laura_tigger82 you're really kind towards people and you try to help people by reaching out with a reply and making them feel heard. Is everything okay with you? I hope you're happier than somebody like me!

    I don't know if you've watched Euphoria or if anyone has but I feel like Rue when she's talking to Ali over Christmas eve at that diner. It's not that I ever would take drugs, I just relate to how she feels hopeless & sad sometimes you know. I guess I've got some hope in a character though because of how season 2 ended. Plus, there's season 3 to stick around for and look forward to
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