How can we rebuild trust after it is broken?

AislingDM

Here, I'm piggybacking off of Brookee's thread about recognising red flags, which I think is so amazingly important! Now, I am not saying we should just forgive people and move on when they do deeply harmful things, however there can be times where people do things that aren't great, but not terrible, in a relationship. In those situations (where both people fully want to healthily resolve things) how can we learn to trust each other again? This works for any kind of relationship too (i.e., not only romantic relationships but those are welcome to be discussed here too!).

AislingDM

Of course, there is the classic 'full honesty' about what has happened, being transparent is pretty essential to create a new solid foundation, rather than trying to build on one that already has deep cracks.

Another thought I had was, trying to come to terms with the fact that rebuilding is not always possible. I know this is a devastating thing to consider when you were the person who was left upset by your partner, but sometimes our wellbeing cannot thrive after so much hurt and letting go is the best course. Working out if this is true for you is usually easier when you have a really great friend to discuss all the angles of the situation with! x

Former Member

Hi @AislingDM, what a great idea for a discussion. I love your input, particularly the part about how it isn’t always possible to rebuild and learning to accept that.

In my view, learning to rebuild the trust will always take time of course, and the path might not always be linear. There can be bumps in the road from days where your self esteem might’ve taken a hit, or new situations might bring back those old feelings of hurt. However, I feel, if you have taken the decision to rebuild together, then it would be difficult to progress forward if the reason for mistrust is brought up again constantly, maybe as a way to put the original trust breaker down. Communicating about concerns you still have is of course healthy, but using the situation for years as a way to keep making that person feel guilty for your own gain perhaps isn’t. Just another angle to reflect on

AislingDM

Such a fantastic point, @enorth1 I think there is a key distinction between 'healthily' discussing emotions that naturally arise after trust has been broken and bringing up that kind of pain in any and all arguments. In some ways, if you default to always bringing things up it might be that the foundation for trust hasn't been sufficiently rebuilt. It's such a tough one though and I know every relationship is different too! xx