Feeling right now (I'm Safe)

Skylarswims

I’ve hit the point in life where I have nothing left for me, no family, no friends, no one cares and I know people don’t believe that but in my situation it’s true, my own parents sent me to Trails Carolina because and that was terrible luckily they came to pick me up day 3. I wish I won’t wake up for some reason, I wish the doctor would walk out to everyone and say “she didn’t make it”, I’m so tired. I do not want to fight anymore and I can’t even describe how serious I’m being, I’m not living anymore, I'm existing, I’m breathing and that’s it, I’m not living, I don’t have a soul or personality, I am not human, I am a thing, a problem, a disappointment to those who come near me. I’m failing at everything and I’ve tried for so long, I’ve tried everything, I have fought and fought this battle since 7th grade and I think it’s only fair that I get to have a break now. I want it all to end, I don’t wanna stay for anything or anyone.

Ed_

Hey @Skylarswims - I can really hear how exhausted you are with all of this and how much you could do with a rest from all you have been experiencing. You've done really well in writing down how you are feeling and sharing this with us.

Do you think there are things that could help you to feel safe and also to have a break from all these feelings? It sounds like a lot for you to be holding right now and am wondering if you have felt able to share these things with someone close to you? When you talk about feeling like you are not living anymore, if things could change, what would living look like for you? Sometimes having an idea of what you hope things will be like can help work out what steps to take to try and get there.

I know you've said in your post that you are safe, however you do deserve a space to talk things through with someone about how you have been feeling, and it sounds like these have been pretty intense for you. We are all here to talk about this, but I also wanted to make sure you had some options for some 1-2-1 support too. From what you've posted, I get the sense you are based in the USA, and so I just wanted to make sure you were aware of a few organisations that may be able to provide some additional support with how you are feeling right now, in particular, you may find the following helpful, I have included some UK based ones too in case I got that wrong:

US based support services
Crisis Text Line - Text 'HOME' to 741741 for free support from a crisis counsellor.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - you can call them at any time for free on 1-800-273-8255

UK Based support services
Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11