Feeling lost

Former Member

I’ve recently been questioning my entire career. I always wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember, did all the right GCSE’s and A-Levels (even though I hated them) and then went straight to uni. I qualified 2 and a half years ago but the last year or so I have really been struggling with depression and anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not been the best of times to be a nurse with the pandemic but like every job I learnt to adapt with it. I’ve been off work for a while now as my MH is the worst it’s ever been and everything is taking so long to get sorted and to get me back on the right track. Although I feel so bad that I’m letting my colleagues down I don’t know if I can ever face going back. I don’t even know what interests me anymore and the thought of potentially quitting and having no plan scares me as I’ve always had a plan. The depression also makes it hard to look to the future and I don’t know if it’s just the depression making me feel like this about nursing. I just feel like I’m questioning everything. I did know what I was getting myself into and placements and uni in general prepare you for what’s to come when you qualify but everything seems so bleak. I’ve even looked at alternative careers with my degree but like everything in life currently, nothing interests me and everything just seems so far out of reach. Everyone says I’m still young but to me it makes no difference if I am, I don’t want to make a huge mistake by either staying when that’s not the right decision of like going and not finding anything that ever interests me. Am I being stupid for even questioning this?

Former Member

Hey @katbei firstly welcome to the mix and I’m sorry you’re struggling at the minute. You’re definitely not stupid to question it, I know lots of people who have decided to have a career change for whatever reason it’s just how things go sometimes and honestly I think people should just do whatever makes them happy so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with changing your mind on what you want to do. I know how hard it is to work in the NHS through COVID, so we’ll done for that and that definitely can’t have been easy coming straight into nursing in that time. Have you got anyone you can talk to about how your feeling, anyone at work or even just friends and family? I always find when I’m questioning myself talking it through with someone helps.

Former Member

This is all quite a serious decision to be undertaking @katbei I can understand why you'd want to talk things through here on the boards. As such please take everything I say here with a grain of salt since this is your life and career we're talking about here any advice I can give will be entirely optional.

First off I don't think you're being stupid for questioning this, this is after all what you're going to be doing as your career and so it has a huge impact on the whole of your life. Everyone should give as much thought to this type of thing as possible regardless of how long you've been doing it it's important to know that your job is right for you.

I will also say I think it's important to try and focus on your own mental health before making any big decisions one way or another, you mentioned that your depression is making it difficult to look to the future it may be that you're going about these things backwards. Instead of trying to find a career that makes your mental health issues better it might be an option to try and find ways to cope with your anxiety and depression first and see if that makes any difference to your job or future career options.

Again this is all just my own views on your situation and even if you don't take any of my advice hopefully it was helpful hearing an outside opinion. I really hope things get better for you soon and be sure to keep us in the loop with how you're doing.

Former Member

Hi @katbei , I am sorry to hear that you are facing such an important decision, especially considering you are not feeling yourself whilst trying to navigate this process. I am a first year medical student, and after having experienced some of my first placements I had countless phone calls with my parents and even visits home where I was convinced I couldn't cope anymore and spent some time researching other degrees and even contacted my supervisor informing her of my thoughts of dropping out, so although my experience differs from yours I know how it feels to have committed yourself to something and are then having to question it - so it is not at all stupid to question these things because I have been there myself!

In terms of going forward, I would agree with @Riley , I think what is important is to try and focus on improving your mental health before tackling any career decisions. What worked for me was trying to implement a much better work-life balance, got back into my dance classes and spent time with family and friends. This enabled me to put everything into perspective and realise that the difficulties of my career choice do not define me and having improved my overall mood I was able to refocus on the fact that I was devoting myself to help others and if it becomes difficult along the way it is not a sign that I am incapable but that I am human and will get there eventually. I wonder if there is anything like this you have available? I know you posted a few days ago now so do tell us what you've been up to in the mean time and how you're getting on.

Remember - whatever you do today is enough

Ed_

Hey @katbei - agree with what others have said on this thread, taking your time to recover and work out what you want to do is a really positive step to be taking. Whilst you may feel like you are letting your colleagues down, have you considered that you may actually be helping them by role modeling positive responses to struggling with mental health? Can't even imagine how stressful nursing has been in normal times, let alone a pandemic, so having a colleague normalising taking time off to get better with your mental health could be the thing that encourages others to take the time they need.

In terms of not being sure what to do next, have you considered coaching as an option? This can be a helpful way to unpick what you want to do next, and be supported in taking those steps. I am not sure if you are a woman or not, however if you are, there is a free coaching scheme that is provided by the Young Woman's Trust that may be worth checking out. If you are not a woman it may be worth giving our helpline a call on 0808 808 4994, as they will be able to help you find some options if that is useful.

Do let us know how you are getting on, we are all here for you