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Life is a struggle
Former Member
Posts: 18 Settling in
I've never really had any "real" friends, Never had a best friend, Never been anyone's favorite person, I'm just kinda there... I'm never invited to hang out with anyone, never invited to go anywhere, never heard "hey wanna come over?", no one talks to me unless I talk to them first. I always get made fun of for stuff I can't control, my learning disabilities. I’m just to the point where I don't tell people anything or show them anything because I don't want to be made fun of. I never take off my mask at school because of my teeth and I'm just ugly in general. Every day it just gets harder, I'm so young I should not be feeling like this... and I come online to vent because I just feel so weak and invalid and embarrassed to talk about my feelings in real life. NOBODY at all asks me if I want to face time or call, I've never had a number one best friend on insta, never been pinned, never added to group chats, nobody texts me first. I feel like such a burden on people's lives, especially my mom and dad. I feel like a p*ssy for feeling like this. I've always felt like I'm annoying people with everything and that I'm a bother to people and I'm stressing them out. I've never had someone to do stuff with, no one to invite out with me, no one to hang out with after school, no one to study with, no one to go for bike rides with, no one to invite over just to chill. I just sit back and realize I'm nobody's favorite person...
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Comments
Thank you so much for reaching out. I am so sorry about the situation you're in. It must be so tough to feel this way. I know you said you don't feel like you have a best friend, but are there people that you can trust to talk about this with? even if you don't feel comfortable doing it in real life, you could do it over a message? If there are friends you trust, they may not realise this is how you feel and may involve you more in things once they realise your situation. Sometimes we perceive situations differently to how they really are. Your friends may have the impression that you do not want to do things with them. However, if it is your friends making fun of you then it might be worth looking for some new friends. No one should put up with being made fun of, especially by people we consider to be friends. I know it's easier said than done but maybe joining some activities you are passionate about may be a good way to make some new friends.
Sending hugs
It seems like you’re struggling a lot with self esteem and self value. The words your peers say cut deep and you’re hurting. I want to first validate your feelings. What you’ve experienced has been difficult but you’re still here and still breathing. That in itself is something to be proud of.
Struggling to make friends is an issue many people face. You say nobody talks to you unless you talk to them first which can feel draining and like they don’t want to put in the same amount as effort as you. I’m wondering if there’s anyone who you would consider a closer friend than others? For me, it has been helpful to have open and honest conversations with friends about communication.
Learning disabilities are more common than you think and they don’t make you any less of a person. I know you’ve had negative experiences with people bullying you for your disabilities and I can see how that could weigh heavily on you. You’re not alone. There are communities of people out there who have been through the same situation, bullied because of something out of their control. Personally, I’ve found exploring the communities around certain parts of my identity has helped me connect with genuine people who understand my experiences.
Hiding aspects of yourself seems to be a way for you to cope with your trauma. Is this really helpful to you? Or do you think you could benefit from trying to be more comfortable in your own skin? That is of course much easier said than done but self esteem building is something that helps millions of people struggling with appearance and loneliness.
The stigma around feelings is very real in our society so I can see why it can cause embarrassment or feelings of being invalid when you try to talk about it. You have so much life experience and so many very real and very human emotions that sometimes they can all bubble up and overflow leaving you feeling anxious and depressed. Every feeling you have is valid. You are valid and you deserve to feel that way.
Relationships with family can get complicated fast and it can really hurt when you don’t get along with or can’t talk to the people who you need most like your parents. Opening communication is a big challenge but it is achievable.
Overall, it’s important you know that you are valid and appreciated. You matter and you deserve to feel ok.
Thanks for sharing this with us @Skylarswims. I hear you say you have never really had any "real" friends. It is understandable that you are finding this difficult and it reflects the situation more than you. We are here with you.
Have you been able to talk to anyone else about how you are feeling and being made fun of? It sounds like making friends is something which is really important to you and you don't deserve to be made fun of.
I have noticed that you have said you feel like a burden on people's lives, especially your mom and dad, would you like to talk to us more about what makes you feel this way? We are here to listen and not judge you if you would like to share more with us.
Keep us updated with how you are feeling, we are all here for you
It is important that you reach out on the main forum wherever possible though. If you feel it requires a direct message, it might be worth sending your direct message to @TheMix