dropping out of college, joining the army and telling my step mum

Distraction

I want to start by saying I'm proud of myself, I've done an amazing job from dreaming about the life I want and working towards it, I need to remember this because I can drop out of college now knowing I've got a career to go to, knowing I'll be ok, college isn't something I enjoyed, although I have learnt a lot from it (not necessarily in the way of education but knowing what I want and shaping me as a person).

The reason this matters is because I need to tell my step mum I want to drop out and this is scarier then actually dropping out or telling my lecturers.

It's going to bring up a lot with my step mum, she won't be happy, I'm scared of her reaction and worried about the disappointment, she either won't talk to me for weeks or start asking questions in an angry way that I can't answer, most likely it'll be both.

But I'm proud of myself and this is what I want.

I understand she probably just wants whats best for me and she'll eventually be happy once it all works out.

I just don't want an argument, it feels like everything is a personal attack against her but it's not, I don't want to hurt or upset her and she isn't some ogre but she's very difficult.

I have to tell her face to face but other then that I don't really know how to go about this

(I want to drop out by next week and work full time at my current job until I join, which will be in a couple months, she knows I want to join the army and knows I passed everything but doesn't know they're just waiting on me giving them a date as to when I want to join)

Any advice?

Thank you

Former Member

Hey @Distraction

Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing?

It all sounds positive, and like you have thought a lot about this decision.

With regards to speaking to your step mum is there anybody else who could maybe speak to her with you? Somebody for moral support maybe?

Or you could maybe write her a letter, explaining things if that is something that could be useful.

We are here for you & wishing you all the luck with your next steps

Distraction

Hi @Stephanie ,

Thanks for the reply.

I've tried those suggestions before in the past, she feels ganged up on if I have someone on my side/there for moral support and she doesn't like letter versions.

It has to be face to face, I just don't know how to start, like I know I'd do it when we go a walk or in the car together, it seems easier then sitting across from each but I don't know if I should be excited or serious, I don't know if I should focus on what I'm going to achieve with dropping out and joining up, I just don't know how to lead the conversation to be honest and I need to do it soon because I want to tell her I'm dropping out before I actually do.

The two ways I have so far of starting it is,

1. I'm thinking of dropping out of college (start explaining how I've passed everything for the army and I could join up soon)

2. Start with how I passed everything for the army, that I could join soon and I want to give college up because I don't like it (although not liking it won't be a valid reason for her)

Durhamjaide

Well done

Maisy

Have you been able to talk to your step mum yet?

It might be worth starting with your interest in joining the army. If you mention first that you are thinking of dropping out of college, and you feel your step mum would disapprove, then she may instantly shut down the conversation before you get to the part about the army. Once you start talking about your interest in the army, and then how you've passed things so you join the army, it would naturally lead the conversation into having to drop out of college.

You might also want to prepare to answer questions that your step mum may have. For example, why drop out now in advance and not a few months later when you can actually join the army?

I think your step mum's reaction, although it may seem angry and hostile to you, is because she cares. The army can be a scary thing to think of and your step mum may feel that joining the army is less of a career choice and more of a risk. She may also wonder why you can't stick with your college course and get a job in something relating to your course.

It's good that you have thought about how to have the conversation- side by side rather than facing each other is good, and perhaps while walking is good too. As for whether you should be excited or serious, it's up to you. It's understandable that you would be hesitant about bringing this up when you are worried about how your step mum would react. But it also makes sense that you'd be excited if this is something that you really want to do.

Distraction

Hi @Maisy

Thank you for the help, I seen your post yesterday and decided to tell her this morning, keeping your advice in mind.

It went better than expected to be honest, I feel rather strange about it all, of course she was annoyed and I didn't say exactly what I memorised which might come back to bite me but over all it's ok.

I feel strange because it's not led to an argument and she's talking like normal and everything's fine, kinda just waiting for the back lash but it doesn't feel like theres any hanging around.

I'm also doubting myself just a tad, I was expecting, in a way, to have to prove my point of why I wanted to leave college and join up but now I'm left thinking about it, could I actually finish college before the army? Am I just giving up?

I'm definitely dropping out but now I feel like I might actually regret not finishing college and I didn't think this would happen, I haven't handed any work in since the begining and way far behind + I want to leave start of June and college would finish at the end of June so wouldn't be here anyway , I also have a qualification similar to the one I'm doing now.

But yeah that's how it's gone, good so far, I think lol

Distraction

scratch that, not good, but it doesn't matter, I'll be away from it soon

Maisy

I'm glad to hear that you told your step mum.

I think with anything in life, when we have options and can only choose one, we are bound to feel some regret over not choosing the other. It sounds like you may have been able to stick with college if you had already kept up with the work but since you are behind then this would make it difficult to get everything done when you might not be here in June.

I'm wondering what hasn't gone well...do you want to talk about it?

Ed_

FIrst up, you should be proud of all you have achieved to reach this stage. Making dreams a reality can involve a lot of hard work, and so try not to let other people's reactions take away from the feelings you have had about the achievement in itself. Whilst it sounds like the response wasn't what you wanted it to be, you have done well in biting the bullet and having that conversation. As @Maisy said, we are here to talk about how you are feeling if you would like to.

Distraction

@Maisy and @Ed_ ,

That's very true Maisy, we just have to go with what we feel is best, it's a scary thought, not knowing where we'll end up but also exciting I suppose, at the thought of it being something we love!

Thank you Ed, I will hold it close, I actually just told my step mums sister who around tonight, they asked how college was going and I told them I dropped out, they were sad and asked why, as soon as I told them about the army they were so excited for me and it was amazing, it was so lovely, it changed everything, I realised how much I wanted to do this again, how it's something I would love and that college isn't really an issue in the long run.

I'm excited for this, a new chapter, looking towards the future, this is something for me and no one else, it's about my life, I finally feel like I can brake free of the hurt I've carried, it's going to change me and I believe it's going to be for the best. I think I'm becoming the person I want to be, it feels a little sad, making this big step, moving on from the person I am now, growing up, making peace with the kid in me but boy what an adventure it's going to be.

Thank you both very much