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Friendship problems (TW:suicidal feelings)

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
edited March 27 in Work & Study
I find it very hard because I talked to my friend about my suicidal ideation and he was triggered by the fact that I am not receiving any treatment atm. I don't feel safe to receive any treatment atm and I think it is a waste of time because I do not deserve treatment. I deserve to die because I ruined everything. I should have died earlier so that nobody would be in trouble.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
Post edited by JustV on

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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Sorry to hear things are so rough for you atm. You don't deserve to feel that way and you don't deserve the things you're thinking, though I understand the way it feels aswell. If you feel up to it you can express your thoughts here. How come you're not receiving treatment at the moment? Why do you feel it's a waste of time? Why don't you deserve it? These might seem like harsh or obvious questions but if you can get them written down, maybe we can challenge some of the negative thoughts you're experiencing.
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    edited March 2022
    @Supernova I don't really trust anyone in real life if they really know who I am. Nowhere in this world is safe. Love is not universal. Justice is not universal. Peace is not universal. This world is built for other people. Treatment is for other people. You wouldn't think I deserve treatment if you meet me in real life because you are a better person than I am.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    @Kate_20

    I think you're being unreasonably hard on yourself. And I think you might be in your own head a little too much, convincing yourself of the worst and of things that aren't true. I empathise because I do it aswell.

    Trusting people is hard and so is letting people in on what you're thinking, but the reality of how people respond to you is never as bad as you imagine it will be. Everybody deserves treatment that needs it. Some of the most troubled people are the ones with the most difficult circumstances or experiences, yet they still deserve support. Saying that others are better people than you isn't good, because people are so complicated. Everybody has their own nuanced personalities and everybody values different things in others. Your opinion of yourself in complete isolation isn't healthy, and talking to others a little more will help you see that.

    How are things in your day to day? Is there anything that makes you feel better, or anything you find takes your mind off the negative feelings?
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    edited March 2022
    Thanks for reaching out to us @Kate_20. We always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out. It sounds like you have done a great job in trying to talk to your friend about your suicidal ideation. Well done for this. I hear you when you say it was very hard that he was triggered by the fact you are not receiving any treatment at the moment though, especially as this is different from how you are feeling at the moment about treatment.

    Your feelings are valid and it is your choice about whether or not you receive treatment at the moment. Would you like to tell us a bit more about why you are not feeling safe to receive treatment at the moment and why you do not feel you deserve treatment? We are here to support you the best we can and know that you do not have to face this, or anything else, alone if you don't want to.

    You mentioned you feel you have ruined everything. Would you like to tell us more about what you think you have ruined and how you think you could resolve this? You've shown a lot of strength in being open with us and reaching out for support. We are glad you are still here with us.

    If you, or anyone else, would like some further support or have been affected by anything you have read here, please remember that Samaritans and Papyrus are here for you. Their contact details are as follows:

    - Samaritans (24/7): Call 116 123. Email jo@samaritans.org. Website: https://www.samaritans.org/
    - Papyrus (2pm-midnight): Call 0800 068 41 41. Email pat@papyrus-uk.org. Website: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/papyrus-hopelineuk/

    Hopefully, these will be helpful for providing you with some more 1-1 support. If you, or anyone else, ever feels in a crisis, please also remember that The Mix's crisis service is open for you. To access The Mix's crisis service you can text THEMIX to 85258 and this is also a 24/7 service (https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger).

    Keep us updated with how you're feeling, we're all here for you :)
    Post edited by Laura_tigger82 on
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