Being reliant on my support worker

Kate_20

I don't know what I can do. I feel like I am being reliant on my support worker. That person makes me feel a bit safer when I know that I have someone to listen to me. It is like I cannot really learn to live my life independently. I cannot rant on the internet too much because people can recognise me but being reliant on a person is never good for me in the long term.

Maisy

Hi @Kate_20

I'm wondering why you feel that relying on a person isn't good for you in the long term?

While I'm not in the same position as you, I have worried about being too reliant on friends who provide a listening ear. It got to the point where I started shortening my messages and pretending things were fine, just so I wasn't bothering them. I had also read a lot of stuff online about how being dependent is bad and that we should strive to be independent.

But this isn't really true.

We all depend on others, even if we don't realise it, but more so those who are struggling with mental health or other things in life. And that's absolutely okay.

It sounds like your support worker is good at their job and that you feel safer and listened to. Relying on someone doesn't mean that you can't learn to live your life independently. We all need help at times and no-one is ever 100% independent all the time. Depending on your circumstances, you might want to talk to your support worker and see what they feel. If they feel that they could help you to be more independent, then they can help you find ways of doing so (e.g. breaking things down into manageable steps and finding what works for you rather than your support worker doing things for you).

I understand that it can be difficult to rely on people, especially if you feel that they won't always be in your life and perhaps depending on someone who may eventually leave sounds too risky. Even if the relationship with your support worker comes to an end, hopefully, your support worker would help guide you through that. But for now, enjoy the relationship you have with them and talk to them to see if there is anything you can do to help you build more independence

Kate_20

@Maisy Thanks for your kind words. I find that relying on my support worker is potentially not a good thing because that person wouldn't stay forever. I am telling a lie to myself that my support worker is my friend. The person knows too much about me and I could only imagine things about that person. I am also wrong to use it as a replacement of friendship as I am feeling so isolated and am unable to make new friends. My friends are drifting away from me, at least it feels like that. I feel like my support worker was indulging me all the time and might help me reinforce my bad habits because I can hardly believe that someone could be so tolerant in real life. I need someone to punish me, not someone to understand me because that way I cannot improve. I am too fragile to accept criticism but have too many problems that I refuse to change. I got myself into all my trouble and definitely wouldn't worth being tolerated.