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Feel on edge around my friend

DandelionDandelion Posts: 1,911 Extreme Poster
edited March 27 in Work & Study
I’ve lived with one of my friends for 2 years now at uni. They’ve always been quite blunt and say what’s on their mind but I’ve just been noticing it more now. They’ll always be like oh you know I’m only joking, but it doesn’t seem like a joke to me. I feel so on edge around them like if I say something or do something that isn’t perfect they’ll snap at me and make a rude remark and I can’t tell if they really mean it or not. Just now I was making my tea and I needed to get past but could see they were busy so I just waited a minute then they say ‘you could just say please and I’ll move’ i just ignored it so they then repeated it twice it’s just the tone it was said like I was just doing something else waiting I didn’t push pst or anything. It’s got to the point where I really don’t like being by myself with them if my other housemate goes out or is even just upstairs I feel so anxious. I know the advice I’d give to anyone else is to just talk to them but I really can’t do that she’ll definitely be annoyed at me. I feel like the only solution is just deal with it ignore the ‘jokes’ for the last few months I have left of uni, but it’s really just making my anxiety worse and making me want to shut myself away in my room.

Also don’t know if this is in the right category
The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. 
Post edited by JustV on


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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @Dandelion It sounds like this is becoming increasingly more upsetting for you, and it's understandable when you've been dealing with it for so long. I'm hearing that talking to them about how this is making you feel isn't really an option for you at the moment. I'm wondering if you've been able to discuss this with your other housemates and see what their opinions are about this? You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own house, it sounds really distressing for you. Thank you for reaching out to us about this, and I'm sending you lots of love <3
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    AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    This is such a rubbish situation to be put in, feeling uncertain when walking around your own house must be so gutting. The thing is, it's those 'little comments' that sometimes feel even worse and more unbearable than big rude fights because as you say, they are the ones that can go unnoticed and can leave people getting annoyed at you for being anxious about, because 'hey it's just a joke'.

    Regardless of the intent, it's not cool to feel so overwhelmed that you don't even want to go to your own kitchen. I agree with what you mean like it sounds simple the advice of 'talk to them' but that's way more complex than we initially fathom, actually considering the potential for passive aggression and awkwardness makes 'telling the truth' a much more daunting prospect. It's beyond reasonable that talking about it isn't really possible.

    I like Brookee's idea of trying to see what other housemates feel, before giving any other advice, I was wondering is there any particular time where their rudeness is 'worse' or 'stronger'?

    Big love from me <3 xxx
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