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Identity crisis

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
I don't know who I am really. I thought I used to love something deeply but actually I didn't. I just cannot stop doing it but it means nothing to me now. I cannot do something else because I don't have a choice. My hobby has been more than my life for over 10 years but I realised that I do not like it. I did it to make friends so all my friends are not real. I was a fake person and I was never real. That is part of the reason why I fell apart. If I am not who I am, who am I?
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo

Comments

  • BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    Hey @Kate_20
    It makes sense to not know what you like when you're dealing with so much distress at the moment. It's never too late to find your passion or what you really love, and your feelings and wellbeing is the most important. I'm wondering if you know what things bring you joy and comfort at the moment, Kate? That can be a good place to start, even if it's something small like a certain chocolate bar or a certain smell etc. Nothing is too small or insignificant. I'm hearing that you're worried that your friends aren't real because you feel like they were based upon something you don't like anymore. I know it can be hard to see that people care when your brain is dealing with so much. I'm sure that your friends care for you despite what you like and dislike, I'm wondering if you've been able to speak to any of them about these worries you've been having Kate?
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,851 Extreme Poster
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    I don't know who I am really. I thought I used to love something deeply but actually I didn't. I just cannot stop doing it but it means nothing to me now. I cannot do something else because I don't have a choice. My hobby has been more than my life for over 10 years but I realised that I do not like it. I did it to make friends so all my friends are not real. I was a fake person and I was never real. That is part of the reason why I fell apart. If I am not who I am, who am I?

    I have to say, I think I disagree with this take on things. I know it's hard to come to terms with a loss like this - this hobby has been a big part of your life, so it's naturally going to feel quite hard to accept that you don't like it any more. But that's natural - we dip in and out of hobbies, whether we've done them for a week or decades. And that's ok - our interests change, just like much of life. Now you have an opportunity to find another hobby, or something else that perks your interest :)

    Something I want to make clear is that you're not your hobby, you're you. Your experiences doing that hobby will definitely influence who you are, but it isn't you. You're more than just a hobby! I don't believe that you never liked this hobby - doing anything for even half that time would be very difficult if you didn't have some interest in it, let alone a whole decade(!). Also, that wouldn't invalidate your friendships - you meet because of the hobby, but you stay friends because you genuinely like each others company. That's a good, real friendship in my eyes :)

    So don't beat yourself up about it. As one door closes, another one will open. Maybe you had another hobby in mind but never had time for it? Maybe there's something your friends like to do, and you could give it a try? Or perhaps you don't have anything in mind, and you can look around for one. That's the whole fun of it - there's a world of opportunities and interests out there, and the joy in life is getting to experience those things that gives us fun, build a skill, or otherwise pass the time <3
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  • MaisyMaisy Moderator Posts: 627 Incredible Poster
    Hey there,

    Just want to clarify, did you enjoy the hobby at the start or did you do it just to make friends?

    If you enjoyed the hobby at the start and made friends, then I agree with @Azziman that, even though it feels like a loss that you no longer enjoy that hobby, it doesn't invalidate your friendships nor your identity. Losing interest in hobbies can be a sign of depression, so it may be a rough patch that you are going through and perhaps with time, you may feel like picking up that hobby again or perhaps a new one instead.

    However, if you never really enjoyed the hobby and only did it for the sake of making friends, then I feel I can understand as I've been through a similar situation. I have feigned interest in things that weren't really me, just to fit in and make friends. Like you, I realised later on that it's not what I enjoy, not really me at all, and I questioned the validity of those friendships.

    While understandably this is confusing and upsetting when you start to wonder what it means for you and your identity, it can also be a positive now that you have this self-awareness. Your hobby and friendships connected to your hobby don't necessarily have to end, but it's okay to realise that perhaps you are becoming more connected to your feelings and seek out something that you actually want to do, rather than doing something for the sake of it, to fit in or make friends. When you are engaged in something you really enjoy, it might be easier to make more genuine friendships too. Being yourself can also lead to closer friendships, as people will like you for who you are. This might also help lessen the identity crisis as well. Though I understand, this is all easier said than done, but hopefully, with time, you'll discover what you are really interested in, both hobby and friendship wise <3
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    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Maisy I used to enjoy the hobby. It was because it can bring me friends who were much older than me because I could never fit in with my peers. It could also be that not so many people my age liked it so that I was isolated and turned to people who were older than me. I used to enjoy it because it made me feel unique and could help explain why I did not fit in. That is only what it was on the surface. I struggled with socialising with my peers and still am struggling with it. I made more friends of my age at uni because people somehow were more tolerant by then but I am gradually losing my friends because of MH struggles.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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