There is no time to rest (TW:suicidal feelings)

Kate_20

I will never have time to rest unless I am dead. I need to be working all the time because my parents think I am lazy. I remembered doing my undergrad and went several days without sleeping and needed to rest but I did not have that privilege. I am never a smart person and all I need is to work hard. Now I am kind of in the same situation but I am broken. People like me are never entitled to have a rest because I am never as smart as other people. I need to pass the exam for my future job and I am hopeless. I can never be myself in this world.

Former Member

Hey @Kate_20
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, and you deserve support through this. I know it can be hard to rest when your brains on full pilot and overthinking but rest can be really vital for your well-being. It sounds like you've been burnt out for a little while now and I'm hearing that there's a lot of constant chatter from others and forced opinions on how much you should be doing. I just wanted to let you know that you're doing the best you can within your circumstances and that's more than enough. Going through University is an incredibly hard and overwhelming thing and you've done amazingly getting through all of this Kate.

Ed_

Hey @Kate_20

Bit of a left-field thing to quote, however I read the Jason Bourne books a while ago (side note, they are really good, and v different from the films, to the point that you can enjoy both seperately!). In the books, when Jason Bourne is trying to work something out or is under a lot of pressure, he often thinks to himself that "Sleep is a weapon". The point being that rest is really important when it comes to thinking clearly and being productive. It can be really tempting to cut back on sleep when feeling under pressure, but this is almost always a false economy - if you don't get proper rest, you are less productive, and then you end up feeling like you need to do even longer hours without sleep.

It sounds like you feel under a lot of pressure to pass these exams and to prove to your parents that you are not lazy. I wonder though if it is worth trying to re-focus your thinking around productivity rather than number of hours you are studying? Even giving yourself an extra hour or two of sleep could make a big difference to how you are feeling about yourself and also will likely improve how productive you are when you are studying.

We are all here for you, you truly deserve to have the support that helps you reach a point where you can be yourself. You are enough