helping a friend who also struggle badly?

skyrhiannaa

us is fair to ask for less of her problems on me because it makes my mental health worse or am i wrong for that?

Brookee

Hey @skyrhiannaa,

Thanks for reaching out. It's obvious that you care a lot about your friend, and are a constant source of comfort and support for them. It's important to have boundaries though, your mental health is a priority. It's not selfish to put yourself first, it's a necessity. Is there anyway you can encourage your friend to reach out to some services for support, like SHOUT or The Samaritans, or even access their GP who can refer them to some supportive services to help them through their difficulties? Also, please know you're not alone. If your mental health is deteriorating please do look after yourself. If you need support you can reach out here, or to SHOUT (85258) or The Samaritans (116 123). You and your mental health are very important.

Lucy307

Completely agree with what Brookee has said above - you are absolutely entitled to putting yourself first when you need to. Maybe you and your friend could both look into getting some support outside of your relationship with each other? Are you or she already in touch with your GPs or any other support services you could lean on?

Laura_tigger82

Hi @skyrhiannaa

Welcome to The Mix's community. It is great to see you have joined us. I am really glad to see @Brookee and @Lucy307 have already provided you with some wonderful support.

As @Brookee and @Lucy307 have said, it is absolutely fine that you prioritise your own mental health! In fact, it is really important too.

Have you both got some support you could lean on? Sending you both hugs

Maisy

Hey there,

As the others have said, it's not wrong for wanting to ask to hear less about your friend's problems because it makes you feel worse. We like to think that we will always do what we can and be there for our friends but unfortunately, that doesn't always work, especially if we struggle with our own mental health. If both you and your friend struggle with mental health, then it may be a good idea to let your friend know that as much as you would like to support them, you are struggling too and aren't able to be there for them emotionally. It may be a good idea for both you and your friend to seek support outside of the friendship.

If you want to let your friend talk about their struggles, then it might help to do this in a productive way, for example, both you and your friend can share things with each that might help to make each other feel better, as opposed to sending negative messages that may make you feel worse. You might also want to think about what you and your friend can do together to help yourselves feel better for example, sharing funny videos or planning a fun activity/day out. This way, even if you and your friend might not be able to spend time and talk about things when it makes you feel worse, you can always spend time and do things that help you both to take your minds off whatever is bothering you