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No way out

WillowWillow Posts: 59 Boards Initiate
How can this be all there is. I just feel like I been sucked into a void. I can't move out of my shitty flat cause I don't have any savings to put a deposit down and pay rent upfront. I have a shitty soul destroying job that pays crap money but I can't change jobs cause there aren't any in my field about. Can't have a pet to keep my company cause renters hate pets and I am not always at home cause I have to commute to see my partner. I don't have friends so I got no one to talk to at all and the one person I can talk (my partner) I think can find my annoying cause I spend all my time alone that everything just floods out in one as soon as I can talk to someone. I generally don't see a way out anymore. This is it. This is going to be my life. No matter how much I try to change it I got absolutely no resources. I didn't think when I was 24 I would feel this fucking alone. My mind reaching a point where it just wants to quit my job, leave the flat and just sleep in my car. Just get rid of absolutely everything!
There is no way out.

Comments

  • jorgejorge Posts: 11 Settling in
    edited January 2022
    Hi @Willow i know that you now may feel like you are in this black hole, unable to do anything and getting sucked in deeper and deeper but there is always a way to move forward with our lives and to make them better than they were before. Figure out what you want to improve or change, set your goals, short term and long term, and then make a plan on how to achieve them. All you need are small incremental steps towards your goals. Remember that even the smallest change can accumulate to something big in the long term and that it is okay to have setbacks.

    I am sure your partner loves and adores you the way you are and would want nothing morey than seeing you happier and at a better place both mentally and physically.


  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,086 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Willow

    Thanks for reaching out. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out. I think you have been really courageous in explaining how you are feeling. Though, I am sorry to hear you are struggling.

    Would you like to tell us some more about the field you are in? Maybe we could help to explore related but different pathways within your field. In terms of friends, you have all of us! But I know that's not necessarily the same as face to face friends. Have you managed to join any local groups?

    I am super glad to hear you feel able to talk to your partner. However, please also remember you have us, Samaritans, Shout, and Papyrus amongst many other supports who care about you and will be there for you! I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. If nothing else, I am sending you big hugs and hope you will feel better soon. Keep holding on <3
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  • WillowWillow Posts: 59 Boards Initiate
    Hi @jorge and @Laura_tigger82

    Thanks for the comments. @jorge In terms of moving forward and making goals the biggest problem in todays society is in order to get out of a situation you need money. The job I currently have does not pay me enough to save. I can put maybe a tenner away each month but that means it would take over 10 years just for a rental deposit to move.

    @Laura_tigger82 Thanks for understanding it is great to be able to vent in a way on a platform and recieve advice but it sn't the same as face to face interaction with someone and building up a friendship. The interests I have there are local groups but there during the day during the week when I am working unfortunately.

    I am a video editor. I been trying so hard to find a new job but there isn't any around me sadly. I feel like I made a mistake falling in love with this type of job cause the company I work for are horrific but I just done see myself changing career goals again this would be my 3rd time. 😔
  • jorgejorge Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hi @Willow i completely understand the point you are making about money and you are completely right. What i would suggest in order to improve your position is:

    1. Have a look at part time jobs online like editing youtube videos or something similar. I know people in your field are in a very high demand nowadays. Maybe also creating a linked in profile might help you find a higher paying job.
    2. There are tons of online free courses that could help you improve and add to your skills that in turn will raise your income.

    Just a few points that hopefully will help you improve your situtation
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,086 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Willow

    Thanks for your response. I am really glad to hear you feel safe to vent here but yes, I do completely understand how we might be different to face to face interaction and friendship. Oh no, how frustrating that the time of the local groups you are interested in is incompatible with working times! I can imagine you aren’t alone with this and there are many people who work who want to access the same groups. I am wondering if it would be potentially possible for you to create your own group? What are your interests?

    In terms of jobs, there are many jobs that require video editing skills! Such a super valuable skill to have. Do you know if you would only be happy with working in tech/media jobs for video editing skills or would happily branch out wider? For example, I have recently seen a video editing job for an educational company (Unifrog). I hope we can help you along this journey but most importantly of all I want you to know that we are listening, and we care. We are remote but we are (hopefully friendly) humans too! <3
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  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    edited January 2022
    Hey @Willow - just checking in, how are things feeling having shared how things have been feeling recently?

    On a practical note, it may be worth approaching your local council around your renting situation. Sometimes they can help with making a deposit for a flat where they put the money up front and you pay it back over time. I am not sure whether this is available if you already have accomodation, however it would be worth looking into it perhaps. There is some info on these schemes over on the Citizens Advice Bureau who may be worth getting in touch with as they can give quite a lot of support across a number of the things that you are finding tough at the moment.
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  • WillowWillow Posts: 59 Boards Initiate
    Hi Guys thanks for the messages

    @jorge - I have looked into all of this and have tried several ways to use my skills into earning money but there are quite a few editors out that there that are freelance so it is hard to get any extra work. I have a linked in as well. But thanks for the advice

    @Laura_tigger82 - Thanks it was very frustrating as it felt only the unemployed could part take in these activities as if us working class people aren't allowed a social outlet. I don't have the confidence to setup my own group I be too scared of people trying to take advantage of me and there's too much pressure and responsibility and I can't add anymore I already think for 2 people. I like sewing, video games and editing there my main passions. I saw the job at Unifrog it looked interesting and I have applied but not heard back for a few weeks now. I wouldnt want to branch out as so far can't live west side of the country cause of people who live there and I want to stay near my partner who is currently in training so he can't move at all at the moment. I know it is nice to vent here not having anyone know you and judge you so I really do value everyones advice and support.

    @Ed_ - I did ring the council as I was trying to get my council tax reduced however I am not considered vunerable enough for any kind of support. I apparently earn enough even if I am just other there threshold and etc. I looked on Citixens Advice Bureau but alot of the advice I seen isn't viable.

    so far to try and manage my situation as one of the most frustrating things is my neighbours above me as they stomp about and slam everything making it impossible to ever relax and despite them receiving a noise complaint from the landlord they chosen to ignore so will follow up on that again. But I spent a stupid amount of money on noise cancelling headphones which help a lot but I can still hear them stomping. I have brought a very long Aux cable so i can now watch TV again. I only live in the flat 3-4 days a week and spend the end of the week at my partners (as I can work from home). I also applied for a few jobs but nothing yet. I decided I am going to take out a loan so that I can move to cheaper accommodation and find a new place to live. I saw one place however it was so run down that the agency gave me the impression that at this price range thats what I can expect which is soul destroying as where I live its a lovely flat just the neighbours make it impossible to live here. I don't know I know things don't happen overnight but I been like this ever since I moved here which was nearly a year ago so feeling very stuck


  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,086 Part of The Furniture
    edited February 2022
    Hey @Willow

    Thanks for your response. I completely agree with your point! What video games do you enjoy playing in particular?

    The good thing about Unifrog is they are remote/home-based jobs, and you may increasingly be able to find this with other employers too.

    We will always listen to you and do what we can to support you. You never have to be alone in this or anything else if you don't want to be <3
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