Struggling with alcohol

Former Member

Hi all, I am really struggling with drinking alcohol at the moment and I don't know how to stop drinking so much.

So I'm 22 and currently sober, but keep lapsing every so often. I've had a lot of urges recently to drink and drink. I'm trying my best to stop these urges but really struggling.

So a bit about my background, I started to drinking at 18, I would be going into college and drinking my day away. I suffer from PTSD, an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, recovering alcoholic, I also have a heart condition and scoliosis.

So i started to heavily drink after being with my ex for a year, I stayed with him for another 1.5 years after until I finally got out. He mentally abused me and caused a lot of mental damage. July last year I had drank that much it was causing me to have seizures and I ended up in hospital in resus as I was struggling to breath and kept vomitting. I then got transferred to a ward that specialises in stomach problems. (Can't remember what the ward was) I was put on IV fluids, thiamine and this other fluid through a canular. I was in hospital for only 5 days but was told if I didn't get taken into hospital when I did I could have died...

I went home and got out in touch with GDAS (Gwent drug and Alcoholic service) and I have to say my GDAS worker is amazing. I told myself I would never drink again. Unfortunately a few months later I drank and drank and was in and out of hospital being detoxed and having seizures.

I was sober for 70 days, then relapsed, then sober for about a month and relapsed, the about 2-3 weeks and relapsed again. I can't seem to stay off the alcohol.

A lot has happened for me to drink such as not having my dad around during my childhood, being sexually assaulted, being bullied in school, being sexually assaulted again, being mentally abused and just generally not having half my family around in my life.

At the moment I'm currently 64 days sober but I have lapsed in between, I do feel like drinking so much, I just want all the pain to end. I just can't cope with how much mental pain I'm in.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I just need advice and strategies to stay sober.

Former Member

Hey @KodaBear

Thanks so much for reaching out. It can be really difficult to stay sober when there's so much stress. I want to stress that any days sober is important, and incredible after the current two years. Recovery isn't linear, and I understand it can be really difficult to not relapse, but the fact you're trying and doing your best to stay committed whilst struggling with triggers and PTSD, is honestly admirable. It takes a lot of courage to open up to us, so thank you for being so open and honest with us. It sounds like you've had a lot of pain to deal with, and the fact you're still 64 days sober considering all this is amazing.

It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot, and it's understandable that you would return to alcohol as a way of numbing these distressing thoughts and feelings. I think the fact you're still trying and reaching out is something to be really proud of. I wonder if you have a Turning Point near you? I know they are a support service to help with drug or alcohol rehabilitation, so that may be an option for you if you feel like this is something that would benefit you. Of course, I understand that it may not be so please don't feel pressured. There's also Alcoholics Anonymous if this is something you feel would benefit you. You can ring them on: 0800 9177 650, or if this is something that causes a lot of anxiety, they also have an e-mail:help@aamail.org. It's really important to realise how well you're doing. The fact that even though you've relapsed, you keep trying and stay committed to starting this again is an achievement all in itself.

When you say you want the pain to end, do you mean you want to end your life? I know this can be a difficult thing to talk or think about, but please, if you feel suicidal or the urges get too much, reach out to services like SHOUT (85258) or The Samaritans (116 123) or Papyrus (0800 068 414). There are people literally waiting for these conversations, and are fully trained and invested in supporting you through these feelings. You're worthy of love and support, and I'm really proud of you for opening up about this, I know it can be difficult.

Sending you no end of love

Former Member

@Brookee thank you so much ❤️❤️

So I've been to AA in the past and it really isn't for me at all. I find it hard because I'm not religious at all and I find it really hard. Meeting new people is quite hard for me due to my anxiety.

No I don't mean ending my life, sorry I didn't explain that very well. I have felt suicidal recently so I've spoken to my support worker about this, but I just want everything to stop and the mental pain to stop. I find alcohol helps me block all the mental pain, but I know that's not the right way to deal with it

Thank you again ❤️❤️

Laura_tigger82

Good morning @KodaBear

Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.

I am sorry to hear AA wasn’t for you. Though, it is good to hear you know what doesn’t work for you as it brings you a step closer to knowing what could support you.

Have you managed to access any counselling support or therapy? This is depending on how comfortable you feel with these of course. I am just thinking there are lots of different types and you don’t need to be religious at all to connect with at least one form of these.

I am really proud of you for not only speaking up to us about this but also your support worker. Was your support worker able to help? Would you like to talk to us some more about the mental pain you want to stop? Maybe then we could help you by offering strategies or signposting you to some more support!

Sending you hugs

Former Member

@Laura_tigger82
Yes I'm currently with GDAS (Gwent drug and alcohol service) and I've had a few counsellors to help me with my mental health as well as overcoming my alcohol addiction, but unfortunately it didn't help much. I know my mental health nurse is referring me to a specialist to help me more with my mental health and alcohol addiction using therapy as that's one thing I haven't tried yet. But I'm literally willing to try anything and everything I can to overcome this.

My support worker helps me by speaking to me when I have urges to drink. So every morning I will message her telling her If I'm sober or not. If I've drank I will then tell her what I've drank and how much. Depending on how much I've drank and what I've drank depends on how my support worker helps
me.

So the mental pain I want to stop is the nightmares I get, they feel so real I sometimes wake up screaming. I also want to forget my past such as being sexually assaulted twice, one when I was 14/15 and one when I was 22 (recently) so I get flashbacks on what exactly happened to me, which I won't go into detail, and I get nightmares about it too. It's affecting my daily life as I struggle getting out of bed, I'm struggling to keep my hygiene up, struggling to eat, struggling to drink fluids, get dressed. It's gotten to a point where I don't care about my hygiene or myself in general anymore. And this isn't the life I wanna live

❤️❤️

Laura_tigger82

Hi @KodaBear

Thanks for your response. I can completely understand why the segmented approach may not help. I hope being signposted to someone who can help you with your alcohol addiction and your mental health helps! I truly believe you are determined and that is what will get you through.

I am really glad to hear you feel you can trust your support worker when you have urges to drink. Reaching out for support when you need it is really courageous and important too. I am just wondering, have you heard of Demi Lovato? She is a singer but has also done lots of wonderful work around addiction and mental health.

I guess it is good that your support worker adjusts her support accordingly. Though, I can understand that should also be based on how you are feeling with your mental health and not just how much or what you have drank.

You have been through so much and have been really brave in explaining what you have been through. I am just wondering if you also receive support and have managed to report the sexual assaults? I know these things can be difficult to discuss but you deserve all the support with this if you feel comfortable with accessing it. The nightmares and flashbacks sound particularly difficult. Have you heard about grounding activities? They might be really useful.

People do different things to ground themselves. However, generally, a few great ones are to:

- List things you can smell, touch, taste, see, and hear
- Trace round one of your hands with your other hand
- Listen to mindfulness music/sounds

I do want you to know most importantly though that we believe you and we hear you. Have you managed to talk to your GP about how it affects you daily?

I am so proud of you for seeing that you want more and better in life! Please know we are always here for you, especially our helpline and crisis support, and so are Samaritans, Shout, and Papyrus. All of which I have put their details for you below in a spoiler!

The Mix (Helpline) - Call 0808 808 4994 (3pm - 12am, 7 days a week)
The Mix (Crisis Support) - Text THEMIX to 85258 (24 hours, 7 days a week)
Samaritans - Call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org (24/7)
Shout - Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 (24/7)
Papyrus - Call 0800 068 41 41 or email pat@papyrus-uk.org (2pm - midnight)