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I've got nowhere to go

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I know that no matter what I do my parents would shout at me if it appears weird to them. They do not want to know about the underlying reasons. They think I am finding excuses for myself. All the small details in life are reasons for them to be angry with me. I don't think doing anything can fix that. I will always be inferior to other people. I am never enough. No matter what I achieved or how hard I tried, I will never have a place in this world.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hey Kate,

    I just want to firstly say thank you so much for reaching out! It takes a lot of courage to open up about how you feel but it is also very important to take that first step. So well done for that!

    Please try to remember always that you do have a place in this world! Everyone does and that is why we have been put here. I am sure you have achieved so much and it is important to recognise your achievements. Sometimes, we can be our own biggest critics, which makes us feel like others feel the same towards us as we do; the truth is there are people who think you are amazing...for a starter I definitely do. I think it is amazing that you have reached out to us!

    Have you tried to sit down and have an open conversation with your parents, if that is at all possible? I know it may sometimes seem daunting and impossible, but, most of the time, our parents do want the best for us, even if they do have a strange way of showing it occasionally! Maybe if you haven't spoken to them properly, it could be a good idea to try!

    If not, please remember that we are always here to listen to you, and if you want to send me a private message, please feel free! I understand sometimes things get on top of us, but it is important to remember that you do have a place on this earth, and a very valuable one at that!
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @laurengeorgie8 I talked about my diagnosis with them but to no avail. They don't believe in professionals. And even the term mental illness was used in a way that made me uncomfortable because they would call me 'crazy'. My life is going to be bleak. No degree nor future career is going to fix that.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    I'm sorry to hear that they are not being as supportive as you would've hoped. Maybe you could arrange an appointment with your GP and talk to them about this, they might be able to arrange for you to speak to someone professional and get you the help you want!

    Again, I want you to know that your life does not have to be bleak! I think sometimes we all question some of our choices and whether our lives are going to be as positive as we hoped. Personally, as a uni student, I have got to the stage in my life where I need to decide what to do next, and so I empathise that times can become confusing and anxiety can get the best of us. Do you go to school or university?

    Another thing that might help you to feel positive is setting yourself some attainable goals that aren't career-based or academic. I love doing things like setting myself the challenge to cook something I've never tried before, or to set myself the goal of walking 10,000 steps in the countryside or at a local park or lake. I find that getting some fresh air and trying new things really helps to get some perspective and to take time for yourself is super important!!

    Thank you for replying to me, and know that I am here to listen to whatever problems or anxieties you have. We can work this out together!

    Sending massive hugs :)
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @laurengeorgie8 Thanks for your kind words. Yeah, my dissertation is killing me. I am looking at artworks on the Internet although I cannot create them. I feel guilty doing so.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    You don't need to be thankful for kindness! Sometimes you just need to know that people are here for you, so I'm glad you know that I am! :)

    I'm in my third year too, although, as a criminology and psychology student, my dissertation taking so much reading that I don't know if I'll ever get down to writing it lol.

    Can I ask why you feel guilty looking at the artwork? You should never feel guilty for looking at inspiration! And I'm sure that if you are doing an art-based degree, then you must have had some talent to even get onto the course, let alone be in one of the final years!


  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @laurengeorgie8 I am looking at artworks to distract myself because I feel like breathing is a burden. My degree has nothing to do with art. I chose a topic that I liked but right now after so many instructions it is not what I would want to do in the first place. I know that finishing the degree or not, I will die anyways because there is no joy in life. I desperately want to disappear from this planet because I am suffocating.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    I'm glad that looking at artwork makes you feel more comfortable and is able to take some stress off of you.

    Have you tried reaching out to a mental health charity? Places like the Samaritans and Mind are always good places to go to seek help from other people...they may even be able to point you in the way of getting some professional help.

    Like I've said before, I really do empathise with feeling anxious and alone, but it is so important to remember that you have people, like me, who are here to just listen and offer some support.

    I am so proud that you are reaching out to me and replying, I know it can be so hard, but recognising is the first step!

    Please do remember that finishing a degree is such an achievement, and I know you will make it to graduation with an amazing grade, so well done in advance!! What degree do you take?
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @laurengeorgie8 Yeah, I tried but I cannot call charity now because of phone problems. I already destroyed most of my grades. It is a master's degree. I want to go back to my undergraduate years because essays were much easier at that time.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    Oh no, I find undergraduate essays hard enough!!

    I understand that it may not be practical to call any charities if you do not have access to a phone...some of them have live chat functions on their websites like this forum kind of thing, that might be a good place to start!

    Until you have the means, remember I am here to support and listen!!
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    edited January 2022
    @laurengeorgie8 You'll get there. I found essays in my undergraduates hard when I was doing my undergraduates. Now it is harder for me because my mental health is destroyed and I think my physical health is also affected due to mental health crises. Now I feel like I am at the end of the road because my body and mind gave up on me.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    Thank you for being so supportive!!

    I honestly think the best idea for you would be to go and see your GP! They can be so helpful at times like this, with both your physical and emotional symptoms and feelings that you have at the moment! It is very important that you get the help you need, these people are trained and will want to help you!! I am speaking from experience!! :)
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @laurengeorgie8 The crisis team already gave up on me. A&E treated me like I was some kind of attention seeker. There is no point in seeing my GP as I do not want more nightmares about the police.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Plus they don't think my physical pain has anything to do with my heart.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    I understand that when people don't seem like they are listening or understand you it can be very frustrating.
    I would pledge to you to try the GP, as they should not inform the police unless you give them permission or if you are in absolute danger, as I'm sure they have to follow confidentiality if you ask them. I honestly believe they are the best way forward for you, but I understand you may not want to reach out to them!!
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,303 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @Kate_20 and @laurengeorgie8

    Thanks for reaching out and supporting each other. It is this support that makes our community the wonderful place it is. I am just wondering how you are both feeling today? Is there anything I can help with? I am here for you both :3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hey @Laura_tigger82 ,

    I am absolutely fine! I was just using uni examples to explain to @Kate_20 that I empathise with how she must feel about certain things! Obviously it can be stressful at times but I am just glad I was able to offer some support!

    I just hope you are okay today @Kate_20 !! :)
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,303 Part of The Furniture
    You are amazing @laurengeorgie8. Thanks for your support within our community.

    Indeed, university can be stressful sometimes. I promise it is worth it in the end though :3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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