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Anxiety triggers
Former Member
Posts: 1,911 Extreme Poster
So for context about two and a half years ago I started to really struggle with my anxiety, for months I was barely sleeping, eating I was nauseous or sick a lot. After a couple of months of dealing with this I went to my GP and eventually starting on medication and now I feel like I’m finally starting to get to a good place, where I still have a few bad days but the majority is good.
Now I’m back in my third year of uni, and my friend at uni is struggling in a similar way to how I did, except she know she’s worried about assignments and for me I was just worrying about nothing. With her worrying about assignments it makes me start to worry about them. I’ve just come back from Christmas holiday and I thought I was on top of things but then she’ll worry about it and talk to me about it and then I’ll start worrying I haven’t done it properly, I’m going to fail it.
I obviously want to support her, when I was struggling I didn’t talk to anyone because I guess that who I am, but she talks to me so I want to help her, but at the same time I fell like it’s triggering my anxiety. I’ll be sat downstairs trying to relax reading a book or whatever and then she’ll come to talk to me. I have to talk to her and try and help her but between that and work I don’t really feel like I’m having time to myself at all. I know the answer is for me to talk to her and tell her this, but I can’t not right now. I just have no idea what to do.
Now I’m back in my third year of uni, and my friend at uni is struggling in a similar way to how I did, except she know she’s worried about assignments and for me I was just worrying about nothing. With her worrying about assignments it makes me start to worry about them. I’ve just come back from Christmas holiday and I thought I was on top of things but then she’ll worry about it and talk to me about it and then I’ll start worrying I haven’t done it properly, I’m going to fail it.
I obviously want to support her, when I was struggling I didn’t talk to anyone because I guess that who I am, but she talks to me so I want to help her, but at the same time I fell like it’s triggering my anxiety. I’ll be sat downstairs trying to relax reading a book or whatever and then she’ll come to talk to me. I have to talk to her and try and help her but between that and work I don’t really feel like I’m having time to myself at all. I know the answer is for me to talk to her and tell her this, but I can’t not right now. I just have no idea what to do.
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Comments
Thanks for reaching out, I sometimes think that recognising a problem or issue is the hardest part!
I wanted to reply to you as I have been in a very similar situation as you! I too am in my 3rd year of university and have struggled with anxiety whilst in my 2nd and 3rd years. Mine was due to falling out with people and having some very nasty character assassinations given to me. Sometimes it would all get too much and so I empathise with how you have felt. I found that self-care was so important to me, doing things like taking hot showers and treating myself to a nice dinner or a film really helped me.
When it comes to your friend, I can empathise with this too. My best friend at university has currently left campus and our shared house as she has been struggling with her anxiety surrounding the university. I think the best thing to do (although it is the hardest) is to have that open conversation with your friend and explain that you are there for her whenever she needs, however you also need to prioritise your own mental health. I am gathering that you are very close to one another, so she should understand this. As supportive as we all want to be to our friends, sometimes this jeopardises how we feel, and I can see that is the case with you.
Rather than focusing on her anxiety, you could both do things to try and take her, and your, mind of academic pressures. Even if it is 30 minutes a day, doing something simple like baking some cookies or going for a walk together can really help refresh your mind and relieve some of the tense feelings, as well as make lovely memories.
I think you are such an amazing friend who cares so much about people, but you have to remember to look after yourself as well!
Sending huge hugs
Of course I appreciate that you want to be there for your friend like you mentioned and that's very kind of you, however if it's upsetting you this much then clearly something needs to change. As you mentioned you got a lot of help from talking to your GP back when you were struggling have you thought about suggesting something like that to your friend? Even if she doesnt talk to her GP there's always counsellors or other professionals that could help.
I hope this all makes sense and you're able to help your friend in a way that doesn't cause you so much anxiety, feel free to ask me any questions about the advice I'm giving or keep us all updated with how you're doing.
Thank you so much for reaching out! I just want to say that it's really great that you accessed support when you needed it, and I know it can seem like our anxieties are trivial in comparison to others anxieties, but your worries and your feelings are all valid. It may seem like you were worried about nothing, but it clearly was something to you, and that shows that your anxieties aren't made up.
I think it may be really important to discuss these anxieties with your friend if this is something you feel safe and comfortable to do. She may not be aware of what you're going through and how her stress is causing you further anxiety. Also, have you been able to access any mental health support at university? It could be helpful to access the mental health support team at University to discuss these issues you're having with a therapist and help you work through them, particularly if talking to your friend doesn't feel like a good option for you, or even your GP may be able to support you.
I know this may not be your priority right now but it's important you have your own boundaries when it comes to helping others. You deserve time to yourself and a safe space to relax without having someone projecting their anxieties onto you. You deserve rest and relaxation.
I’m feeling better this evening, I’ve had the house to myself for the past hour which has helped. @laurengeorgie8 we both like watching a tv show, so that’s a good idea of something we can both together. @Brookee my uni does have a well-being centre, but I’ve never actually been I’ve always been sort of put off as people say it’s not the best, plus I’m not great with physically talking to people, which is probably why I like to vent on here instead 😂 I know my friend has been thinking of going though @Riley so I might try and mention it to her again and she if she want to go and speak to someone there.
Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.
I am really glad to see that @laurengeorgie8, @Riley, and @Brookee have already provided you with some wonderful support.
I am glad you are starting to feel better. I am proud of you for identifying that you prefer to write how you feel rather than speak about how you feel. I think this is a common experience.
How would you feel about reaching out to them via email, to begin with? It might also be great if you can go with your friend.
There is also Student Minds which you might find useful. If you are interested, you can find it at https://www.studentminds.org.uk/
Oh no, that is really frustrating! I'm so sorry that they don't encourage or even allow emails or other forms of written contact. Does your university have Nightline? You can often contact them in a range of ways!
I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better today, and I do understand what you’re saying about the well being centre, I know some unis aren’t the best. Do you have a GP near you that you can trust with your feelings or feel safe to talk to about what you’re going through? That’s totally okay, we’re always here for you whenever you need to vent!