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TW: Feeling like hell and can't stop self-harming

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I am in the process of writing my essay and I know if I continue writing it, my self-harm would get out of control. I don't know how I can cope. I have been dealing with this since my pre-teens years and it is absolutely nasty. I can never stop hurting myself when I am stressed. Otherwise I'll get none of my work done. I think it is going to look obvious if I continue. I tried other methods to calm me down but nothing worked. I don't want to get into trouble with my family and I don't want to get into trouble with uni. And I am scared for the rest of my life.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    I tried mindfulness. I tried to play with paper. Nothing worked. I am bad at being human.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    edited January 2022
    Hey @Kate_20 - the fact you are trying despite how intense the feelings are is a really great thing. Have you felt able to reach out to a service like the Samaritans? Sometimes having someone you can just talk to, without a specific purpose can be helpful to take your mind away from everything. you can call them at any time on 116 123 for free.

    Is it the essay that is causing the stress, or are there other things adding to this for you? You mentioned that you didn't want to get into trouble with uni or your family, is there something in particular that makes you think you would get into trouble?

    The Mix have an article here that gives lots of ideas for distractions, as well as ways of trying to look after yourself and keep safe if you are self-harming. In particular, it has this long list of self harm distractions:
    Alternative therapies: massage, reiki, meditation, acupuncture, aromatherapy
    Bake or cook something tasty
    Clean (and won’t your folks/housemates be pleased!)
    Craftwork: make things, draw or paint
    Dance your socks off
    Eat sweets or chocolate for an instant sugar rush (but be careful of the dip in your mood once it’s over)
    Exercise for a release of endorphins and that feel-good factor
    Forward planning – concentrate on something in the future, like a holiday
    Go for a walk (preferably further than the local pub)
    Go online and look at websites that offer you advice and information
    Hang out with friends and family
    Have a bubble bath with lots of bath bombs fizzing around you
    Have a good cry
    Hug a soft toy
    Invite a friend round
    Join a gym or a club
    Knit (it’s not just for old people you know)
    Listen to music
    Moisturise
    Music: singing, playing instruments, listening to (basically making as much noise as you can)
    Open up to a friend or family member about how you are feeling
    Pop bubble wrap
    Phone a helpline or a friend
    Play computer games
    Play with a stress ball or make one yourself
    Read a book
    Rip up a phone directory (does anyone actually use them these days?)
    Scream into an empty room
    Shop ’til you drop
    Smoke – smokers find that having a fag can help (smoking is not a long term solution; in fact, it’s a form of self harm)
    Spend time with babies (when they’re in a good mood)
    Tell or listen to jokes
    Use the internet
    Visit a zoo or a farm (animals do the best things)
    Volunteer for an organisation (will make you feel all warm inside)
    Watch TV or films – particularly comedies
    Write: diary, poems, a book
    Write negative feelings on paper, then rip them up
    Yoga: meditation, deep breathing – this might help you relax and control your urges
    Zzz – get a good night’s sleep

    In case Samaritans aren't for you, there are a couple of other services that you could reach out to if you think it could help:
    * If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
    *Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
    * Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
    * Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.
    Post edited by Ed_ on
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Ed_ It is mainly the essay is causing the stress. If I do this essay, I'll get into trouble with my parents because they would discover my self-harm getting worse (it will soon look obvious). If I stop doing this essay, I'll get into trouble with uni because I think they already tolerated me in so many aspects I do not expect more. Plus this is really a minor issue in the eyes of the uni.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    I'm feeling suicidal again.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    edited January 2022
    Hey @Kate_20 - really appreciate you sharing more about your situation, you are doing really well. It is important at the moment to focus on keeping you safe, do you feel able to reach out to one of these organisations?
    * If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
    *Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
    * Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
    * Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.

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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,107 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @Kate_20

    Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out. I am really thankful to see all the wonderful support @Ed_ has already provided to you whilst I was offline.

    Your mental health always comes before a deadline and other people's opinions! Would you like to talk to us about why your assignment is causing you to feel stressed? Student Minds (https://www.studentminds.org.uk/) is a great resource for managing student stress.

    It sounds like you are smashing your assignment because you have got on top of your data analysis! If there's anything else we can support you with though, please don't hesitate to let us know. I will be more than happy to help if I can!

    Once you have graduated, you can start to look at what else you want to do in life based on your interests and your strengths. I understand that it is nerve-wracking to think about the future. I am in a similar position because I begin my dissertation on Monday and I am aware of the unemployment rate for people with autism but I am determined to beat those statistics. Would you like to talk to us more about why you are feeling fearful of the future?

    We are here for you, listening to you, and caring about you. You can also talk to Samaritans, Shout, and Papyrus <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Laura_tigger82 I don't know why. It is just stressful. I am scared because I don't know if my future colleagues will discover my self-harm. You have a talent in supporting people and you are really empathetic. You are also intelligent and good at breaking things down into procedures. I think this will make you competitive in the job market.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,107 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @kate_20

    Thanks for your response and all your compliments! Your scars are a part of you but they do not define you. Scars help to tell your story and the battles you have struggled with but won in the end. Supportive employers will understand that and see through that to understand you as a person <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Laura_tigger82 The problem is I cannot stop self-harming and may never be able to stop it :( I need to get work done. I can only choose one thing.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,107 Part of The Furniture
    Your mental health always comes first @Kate_20. Though, I do just want to check, is there anything you feel would help you to balance both? :3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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