How can I have lower expectations of myself and the world?

Kate_20

I realised that the root of my suffering is that I have high expectations of myself and my experience. I shouldn't expect to find a well-paid job. I shouldn't expect to maintain friendship. I shouldn't expect to go travelling. I shouldn't expect that my parents would stop criticising me. I shouldn't expect a day full of energy. I shouldn't expect to learn things. How can I lower my expectations?

Jas

Hello Kate, I don't think the expectation is the issue, I think you you should have self-compassion when circumstances do not meet your expectation. For example instead of you shouldn't expect to find a well-paid job, you need to remind yourself it is okay if you don't find that right this moment. A lot of happiness comes from putting too much pressure on ourselves, and comparing our journey to others. You need to remind yourself that it is okay that some things haven't gone your way, but at the same time you are worthy and you deserve everything you want and need. If your friend were in the same position, would you tell them to lower their expectations?

I hope this helps you look at your situation differently.

Brookee

Hey @Kate_20

I think with all you've been going through, and the opinions that your parents have of what they expect from you, it's unfortunately only more likely that you will have high expectations of yourself. However, I just want you to know that every small step you make towards a specific goal or achievement you want is something to celebrate. Please be kind and gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can whilst struggling with mental health difficulties. We all find what we need at different times, and often at different times to what we expect. Our society is so involved in making us feel like we're unworthy or undeserving if we're not in a well paid job, or even in a job by a certain age or time in our lives, but this doesn't account for different circumstances and the fact that having a job doesn't determine your worth, or your abilities. You deserve love and kindness, you're doing the best you can and that's more than okay, your recovery is the most important thing, jobs will always be there for you when you're ready, but don't rush yourself.

Sending you love

Laura_tigger82

Hi @Kate_20

Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.

I am really glad to see @jas and @Brookee have already provided you with some wonderful support. Thanks to you both!

Like @jas said, I don’t think it is the expectations you have of yourself. I think you are capable of achieving anything you want to achieve. I just think you need to have more belief in your ability to achieve.

What’s making you feel you can’t achieve all of these things?

You deserve to be treated fairly by your parents and that includes respect and kindness. However, that is more of a reflection of them than it does you. I know you said they are also going through a tough time at the moment though.

We are always believing in you and here to support you to achieve all the things you want to achieve!

Azziman

Hey

I'd suggest looking at things a different way. Rather than lowering your expectations, I think it's better if you take the pressure off yourself instead. These are all great things to have, but they don't happen overnight. Putting pressure on yourself to be/have all these things right now isn't fair on yourself, and only serves to make you upset about yourself. Keep them as targets and things to work towards instead. Maybe draw on support, or see how you can reach those targets. Most importantly, be kind to yourself x

Much love