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My parents said that I am useless if I don't go to work

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
My parents said that I am useless if I don't go to work. They also blamed me for my messed up sleeping patterns. They said that they are afraid that I'll be using their money forever. They also blamed me for my extension and also compared me to my classmates.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Obnoxiously Large Anchor Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
    School can and should be some of the best years of your lives, school is a full time job and parents that expect their kids to succeed in school and work are delusional.

    I had to balance life as a student athlete in North America and that was damn hard but everyone around me was doing the same - and we all wanted to be there. It was also a release because I enjoyed my sport and being with my teammates.

    Take your time - find your own path. Not everyone in life has the same path, so even though they may compare you to your classmates, remember you are all unique and don't compare yourself to them.

    Your parents can say what they like - it's horrible, I know, but they probably won't change their views on this matter. It's like what their parents thought about them when they were your age. Not an excuse, just probably an insight. Don't listen to them, don't let it hurt you.

    You're unique, you're your own person and you're doing damn well. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @Kate_20,

    I'm sorry to hear that your parents have been saying this to you. "Useless" is a very unkind word and is simply not true :heart:

    Everybody is on their own path and has different experiences at school (and everything in life for that matter). Therefore, it is unfair of them to compare you to your classmates. You need to do what is right for you. Sometimes, what's right for you is asking for an extension. What's right for you, and a large majority of students, may be to focus on school without the additional responsibility of work. And that is all perfectly okay. That does not make you useless in the slightest. It makes you human :blush:

    There is plenty of time to get into work and start earning your own money. So you can prove them wrong about using their money forever - but only when the time is right. There is no rush. You have time. You're doing great.

    Take good care :heart:
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,303 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Kate_20

    Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.

    I am so sorry your parents said these cruel words to you. Unfortunately, their words seemed to be fueled by capitalism which is a common view in our society but that does not mean it is true.

    You have been experiencing such a tough time recently. Despite your struggles, you have been able to name your feelings and reach out for support because you are trying to develop more positive strategies.

    We can see how much you are trying. We will do anything within our power to support you to get to where you want to be. Though it may take some time and that is okay.

    I am really proud of you for getting an extension because I know how much you were resisting accessing this support despite needing it. The fact that you tried to carry on and reached out for an extension shows you want to complete your degree.

    A degree is not everything, it does not define you. However, a degree is a key contributor in enabling you to access the future you want and deserve.

    Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember we are always here for you, listening to you and caring about you <3
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  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Laura_tigger82 Thanks. Unfortunately, it isn't a further extension because the deadline I told you is already the extended deadline. Yet my parents are unhappy with it. I should have died the day I applied for that extension. If my parents do not care if I am around, why should I get through this?
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @Kate_20 I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this, I just want you to know that not having a job, does not mean you're unworthy of love or support. You're important, and a job doesn't determine your self-worth or your abilities. We're all on our own journey's and it's really unfair for your parents to make this situation harder to cope with.

    I understand you've said before that it's hard to place boundaries with your parents, are you able to tell them how what they've been saying has effected you? It's really upsetting to read how difficult things are for you right now Kate, and I'm so sorry.

    You are worth a lot more than the opinions of others, you matter because you're you, and you deserve love and support, particularly when you're struggling. Have you been able to contact your GP or any of the helplines available to help you talk through these emotions you're feeling (SHOUT 85258, The Samaritans 116 123)?

    Sending you so much love, you are worthy, and you don't deserve to feel this way or be made to feel like you've been feeling <3
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,303 Part of The Furniture
    edited January 2022
    Ooh, what's this extension then @Kate_20? Is it the one where you do it when you are still struggling and do it at the next possible opportunity? If so, you'll still smash it!

    You only get extensions when you need them so you deserve the extension. I am sorry to hear your parents don't perceive it in the same way though. We think you are amazing for still trying!

    As @Brookee said, there are services here for you like Shout, Samaritans and Papyrus. We are always listening to you and care about you too. We'll do anything we can to help.

    I can't wait until you have submitted and we get to celebrate you as a recent graduate! Despite everything you have been going through and feeling, you are really courageous and still putting one foot in front of the other <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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