Drink and pregnancy

Former Member

Hi

This is going to sound rather silly.

Ever since I became a teenager I became a bit of a rebel early sexual relationships, try out cannabis, smoking and drinking. I was quite a heavy drinker I use to drink a lot of my mum gin and finish off her wine. I have recently found out that I am pregnant and having a hard time stopping some of the behaviours that I use to do before.

I know that these habits aren’t healthy for baby but how do stop?

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.

I can hear that you are aware of some of the potential reasons for these behaviours but also some of the consequences.

If you feel comfortable discussing this further, I have a question just to help to understand more about your situation. My question is what in particular is making it difficult for you to stop?

Are you struggling to stop because you are addicted to these behaviours? because these behaviours have become routine? or because you don't know what other behaviours could replace them?

Knowing this will help us to support you further but please don't share anything you don't feel comfortable with. We are always here as a listening ear

independent_

Are you seeing a midwife yet @annas? If you are it might be worth having a chat with them. You are definitely not alone in struggling with this, I cam imagine lots of people have been where you are now. Your midwife will hopefully be able to support you and in the meantime, we’re always here to listen as well

JustV

Welcome to the community @annas - it's lovely to have you here.

Building on what @Laura_tigger82 has said, I want to reassure you this isn't silly at all. We all have our vices and most of us can understand how difficult it can be to stop doing something we know is unhealthy. It's good you're getting some support and looking out for baby.

I know your pregnancy news wasn't the focus of your post, but I just wanted to acknowledge that too and ask how you're feeling about it? Pretty big news at any stage of life, but much more so when you're young. It must be a lot to process.

Do you have anyone around you to support you right now (e.g. friends or family)?

I'm mindful that you didn't share the circumstances of your pregnancy or how old you are, but just to let you know you're welcome to get support around that too if you like. ✨

I know that these habits aren’t healthy for baby but how do stop?

Ultimately I think different things work for different people. Seeing a midwife might be a good place to start as @independent_ suggested. I don't have any personal experience so can't weigh in with any advice, but there are a few support services that specialise in drink and drugs or pregnancy support who might be able to offer you some guidance:

We Are With You, who offer free confidential support for alcohol, drugs, and mental health.

Drinkline – the national alcohol helpline. Call for free on 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am to 8pm, weekends 11am to 4pm).

Family Lives also have a good page on all the support you might need while pregnant.

For something more practical, you could try The Family Nurse Partnership (FNP), who provide support through a home-visit programme. They can support you to:

• Have a healthy pregnancy
• Reach your goals and aspirations

Former Member

@independent_ @Mike i saw doctor this week we talked about my pregnancy and if I wanted to go through with the pregnancy. We also about my addictions the doctor really wants me to give them as quickly as possible for the sake of the baby so she has referred me to new hope which is a drug rehabilitation program I start next week and the doctor wanted me to try cold Turkey and see how I get on.

I am finding this really hard as I really want to smoke and drink. I am really snappy to be around this on top of my pregnancy hormones makes me pretty unpleasant to be around at times.

I am currently 16 years old and I became pregnant thanks to my best friends brother. We have been having sex for 3 years since I was 13. We didn’t always use protection because sometimes we would have sex when I was high and got away with it. I had recently gone on the pill and I am not sure if I had been using it properly but I now have a baby in my tummy. I am 7 weeks pregnant and I see the midwife in a three weeks time.

I am surprised that my family haven’t suspected as I am being sick twice a day and I am constantly in the bathroom but I have also tried drinking more water for mine and the baby’s benefit. School has been awful I am so tired and I am constantly wanting the bathroom. The baby is due In September I am going to be 5 months pregnant when I start my GCSE exams. My worry is that the stress will want me to take up smoking or drinking again. I am also nervous that because I am young that the baby will come sooner.

Laura_tigger82

Hey @annas

Thanks for your response. How are you currently feeling about the drug rehabilitation programme and going cold turkey?

I can imagine it is really difficult. Have you been offered any alternative strategies for coping with how you are feeling or replacing the urges to drink and smoke? I can imagine the snappiness is around the withdrawal effects and hormones so please try not to blame yourself.

You are doing really well in trying to be proactive and responding to the strategies they are offering. No one expects this to be easy for you! But we do all hope it helps to keep you and the baby safe and well. Just also please try not to see any 'slip ups' as failure - it will be a learning curve.

Have you managed to talk to the school about your circumstances and what you need? Even if this is just around managing stress at GCSE time. I think for you planning your time around the exams and maybe drawing up a schedule or a priority matrix could be really useful! This is something your personal tutor, pastoral team, Students Minds or we could support you with if you feel it could help.

Please let us know if we can do anything to help and we will always listen to you

Former Member

@Laura_tigger82

I am nervous about the drug rehabilitation programme but I know it’s the best thing for both baby and myself. The alternative strategies for cold Turkey new hope are going to work through with me this week.

I haven’t found cold Turkey easy, I had two cigarettes after I came out of the doctors surgery and drank half a bottle of wine last night. I felt really guilty afterwards especially as I know that I am pregnant.

I haven’t yet told school that I am pregnant, I am intending to tell them this week as I am struggling with some of the initial pregnancy symptoms such as constantly needing the bathroom. I also have a fear that the baby will come whilst I am still at school.

AislingDM

I am glad to hear that new hope are there to try to support you through some alternative options and try to make your experience of pregnancy as smooth as possible with your ongoing addiction. The fact that you feel so committed to trying to go cold turkey for the baby's sake is nothing short of impressive as this must be one of the most deeply stressful times of your life, so to let go of coping mechanisms that bring you peace must be immensely tough. Seriously, huge hugs from us all and remember trying is the most important thing, don't beat yourself up when it doesn't all go 'exactly to plan', as this is an extremely unexpected situation for you

Those panics about how the pregnancy will affect schooling make complete sense, and I think you're so right in making the choice to get the school in the know about your pregnancy, as, hopefully, this should allow you some additional support throughout this time. Would you like to talk about how you plan on letting your school know? xx

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks for your response. I can completely understand how you might be nervous about the drug rehabilitation programme. I am really proud of you for seeing it is the best thing for yourself and your baby though. That is such a hugely positive step forwards, probably more than you realise! It will not always be easy or a straight line of progress, but I have every faith that in time and with the right support you will get there.

Do you know how you might talk to your school about your pregnancy? I hope you receive the support you need and deserve this week. Please remember you are never as alone in this journey as you may sometimes feel. We are always here for you and listening to you and will help in any way we can!

Former Member

Hi @Laura_tigger82

The drug programme is really hard and difficult. We have twice weekly therapy session’s I had my first one yesterday and my next one is tomorrow. We talked about why I started using drugs and how I was dealing with going cold Turkey for the drink and smoking. I said I found it really hard she told me to keep going she told me to start strategies to get me off cocaine and as this is a drug which is really one that I really shouldn’t take especially when pregnant.

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks for reaching out to us. I really appreciate that you have managed to find the courage needed to talk to us about how you are finding the drug programme.

I am really sorry to hear the drug programme is really hard and difficult. Is there anything in particular that you are finding really hard and difficult? I can imagine it all is but, hopefully, we can support you through it. How are you finding the therapy sessions in particular?

Please know we are always here for you, and listening to you. You never have to go through this alone! I think you are doing an amazing job at trying to keep yourself and your baby safe

AislingDM

That sounds beyond immense and stressful for you. Having to cope with being pregnant whilst also trying to stay clear of drugs is a really huge ask and it is so admirable that you're working so hard at this Glad to hear there is positive encouragement coming from the people on the programme, as you certainly deserve to be supported through this time! Are any of the strategies particularly useful in your opinion? xx

Former Member

I have been getting into trouble at school recently because of my pregnancy. I keep having to leave lessons because I am going to be sick or need the bathroom. The last few days have been really difficult with regards to my addiction I really wanted to steal some money from my mum and go buy cocaine. Since I have been coming off cocaine I have wanted to self harm I am currently using the self harm methods to prevent me taking cocaine. I’ve been so anxious about my pregnancy as well as generally irritable the drug rehabilitation team have given me so relaxation techniques it will help me relax which good for baby but should also help me not want me to self harm or consider taking. I have also been feeling really unhappy about my pregnancy maybe I should consider ending my pregnancy, getting clean and then having a baby.

AislingDM

It sounds like your under so much overwhelming pressure right now @annas , from having to think about getting out of lessons to be sick to trying to cope with coming away from cocaine is beyond immense. It's no wonder you're struggling so much and feeling uncertain about how to try to cope with being pregnant

I'm glad that there have been some helpful relaxation tips from the rehabilitation team, especially if they are able to help you to keep in line with your goal of being clean from cocaine, but I know this isn't some kind of 'fix-all' if you're still feeling so overwhelmed that self-harm is one of your coping mechanisms. You deserve to be supported with all aspects of your life throughout the pregnancy and beyond, whether that comes to cocaine, self-harm or morning sickness, and so I am curious about whether you have been able to gain some support for self-harming?

I know you're working so hard at the moment to keep it together and be strong, which is beyond impressive, and thinking about ending your pregnancy is an equally valid thought process, would you like to talk a bit more about that? (no pressure though). Thank you so much for keeping us all in the loop, it really is so appreciated xxxx

Former Member

@AislingDM i am really struggling trying to keep everything together. The rehabilitation team said yesterday that people do relapse whilst going through rehab and they said it’s okay, let us know if you need help I burst into tears and told them that I am pregnant and I can’t relapse. The team have referred me to children mental health services so I can talk about my feelings around self harm.
I really feel that the pregnancy is something I could do with our worrying about whilst I get myself clean I just feel that if I end my pregnancy and get away from the drugs I can then try and have a baby.

Former Member

This morning I woke up in a terrible panic I feel like I can’t cope with everything that is happening to me.
I felt like I wanted to take an overdose of cocaine and end my pregnancy. I also had a major desire to also to smoke

Ed_

Hey @annas - how are you feeling after a bit of time has passed from these intense feelings? Have you had an appointment with a midwife yet? If not, it may be worth seeing if you can have a chat with one about how you have been feeling. They will be able to talk you through your options and also refer you to further support if they think you could benefit from this.

You've mentioned a few times that you are thinking of ending your pregnancy, how are you feeling about this at the moment? It's really important to remember that it is always your right to choose this as an option, and there is support available to work out what feels right for you at the moment. It may be worth reaching out to an organisation such as BPAS (British Pregnancy Advisory Service) who can provide support across all aspects of pregnancy, including thinking about having an abortion. You can find out more about their support options here. One thing to flag from that article is the advice they give around some abortion advisory services, which says:

Some organisations advertising free pregnancy testing and unplanned pregnancy counselling are strongly opposed to abortion. They often attempt to mislead women by presenting themselves as an organisation which provides information about abortion as well as the other options.

They will not discuss all the options available to you in an unbiased way. If they talk about abortion as an option at all, it may involve negative, unpleasant, un-evidenced or untrue claims, and statistics.

There is a list of registered Pregnancy Advice Bureaux on the Department of Health’s website. These have all met the Department of Health’s required standards on accurate and balanced information-giving, because they refer for abortion.

We are all here for you, do let us know how you are getting on and if you want to talk anything through with us

AislingDM

Couldn't agree more with what @Ed_ has said I think reaching out to BPAS might be a really good idea if you feel comfortable doing that. It sounds like coping with all this is beyond overwhelming and considering all of your options is really important, especially when you're also thinking of coming away from using drugs.

There is so much going on for you right now, I promise it makes so much sense to feel hopeless, lost and uncertain about what to do now, and talking to us is already so amazing, let alone being brave enough to let the rehab support staff know about the pregnancy.

Anything that feels like the right choice for you will be the right one and we will support you through it completely. You deserve not to be alone. Huge hugs xxxx

Former Member

@AislingDM i had a terrible time last weekend I wanted to drink an entire bottle of wine. As well as smoke. I am finding this really hard. I am trying to abstain because of the baby but I have felt recently that I want a big craving.

Former Member

Hey @annas

I can hear just how difficult these urges must be to manage at the moment. Thank you for sharing them with us. You've shown incredible strength to push through these intense and difficult feelings, I can understand it's not always easy. How have you been coping since you last posted?

AislingDM

That must be so frustrating for you at the moment @annas , wanting relief from these cravings is beyond understandable, especially given that your body is under so much physical stress as well with the pregnancy. I can tell you're trying so very hard to stay away from drinking and drugs, which is so unbelievably strong of you. Please know we are here no matter what to hear how things are going for you. I'm wondering, do you reckon anything in particular is causing this big craving? (no rush to reply huge hugs from me) xxx

AislingDM

How have you been doing over the past month @annas