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Problems with sleeping
Kate_20
Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
I have difficulty sleeping at night as I am scared of the next day. I woud always sleep in the daytime because I'll have a headache if I don't and I'll not be able to think clearly. I also have friends living in different time zones so it is also really hard for me to sleep at night. I know it is unhealthy but how can I prevent sleeping too much at the wrong time if I feel like I could do nothing if I don't?
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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There are a few tips on The Mix website https://www.themix.org.uk/your-body/sleeping/how-much-sleep-do-i-need-6542.html and an interesting expert chat exploring some the issues other people have faced around their sleeping https://www.themix.org.uk/your-body/body-problems/cant-sleep-9076.html
I love the idea of a Sleep Diary that can be a good way to track what habits help you sleep well and gain some insight into what is not so helpful.
It would good to know more about your sleep journey - our community members could have some sleep hygiene tips that worked for them.
Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.
In addition to the wonderful advice provided by @ChrisM, for you, it sounds like being scared of the next day is the biggest trigger.
I have a question for you if you don't mind and feel comfortable answering it. My question is what in particular are you scared about the next day?
I know feeling fearful at night can be tough for various reasons. When I feel fearful, I put my bedside lamp on as I find that calms me down. I also try to ground myself and remind myself that I am okay.
If none of these things help, I tend to put the television or music on in the background. If I can concentrate on that rather than my fear, I tend to fall back to sleep but if I don't I at least feel more grounded.
In terms of different time zones, is that because you would rather talk to your friends or because they make your phone/other devices beep? I understand both of these because my degree has a global cohort and we are all over the world so definitely different time zones.
If it is the first, I would try to negotiate a time slot for talking to them or messaging them in your own time zone. You can always respond when you are free. Sometimes, there are times which overlap between the time zones which would allow you to talk in live time.
If it is the latter, I recommend putting your devices on silent. If you are worried about your alarm not going off, you could buy a separate alarm or just be reassured that the Apple alarm goes off on silent.
As always, we are here for you and listening to you
I am quite isolated and I need my friends more than they need me. It is easier for most of them to make other friends. But it is hard for me to make more friends so that I have to cherish them. I find it easier to socialise with people from different cultures because they wouldn't reject me just because I am weird. They expect me to be different from them. I have already put my devices on silent but I would think about them and worry about losing them.
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
I am sorry to hear this. You are certainly going through a tough time, bless you.
You face more than most people so it should not be expected that you perform at the same level as most people. This is not your fault.
I think you are courageous in how you face each day even though you feel scared of each day.
However, you don't ever have to be courageous alone. We are here for you and so are Shout, Samaritans, and Papyrus. We are all just a message or call away.
Shout: Text 'SHOUT' to 85258
Samaritans (24/7): Call 116 123. Email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight): Call 0800 068 41 41. Email pat@papyrus-uk.org
In terms of your tasks, could you write lists and aim to do one hard house chore a day?
I recognise you say eating is a hard thing but this remains a daily task! (preferably at least 3 times a day).
Could you expand on why you find eating difficult? Is it because of your physical health (digestive system)? as I know you have mentioned your physical health before.
I notice that you have said you already put your devices on silent which is such a positive step forwards but you are still feeling worried about losing your friends and not being accepted.
True friends are there for you through the good and the bad. True friends accept you for who you are rather than who they think you should be. True friends won't just leave your side.
Yes, cherish them but you don't have to make yourself unwell in order to cherish them. Just let them know that you are thinking of them and are in contact with them.
Would it help if you created a pinboard of all the positive things your friends have said about you? Could you keep this in view of where you sleep so when you are worried you can look over and know it will be okay?
I believe in you Kate. You have got this
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
I am sorry to hear a lot of your pressure is coming from your thoughts about what your parents think about you.
In all honesty, in your own space, as long as you do what you think is enough housework then that is more than enough.
We agree with all the positive things your friends have said about you! Sorry to hear your parents may not
I used to get the same problem, being worried to go to sleep for the next day, but I think it's an anxiety issue. Have you been able to contact your doctor? I think it's important to do what ever is best for you, if one household chore a day right now is your limit then that is perfectly okay! Your best is always good enough, is there any way that you can put any boundaries in place with your parents? I know this can be difficult, but your boundaries are really really important, especially when you're struggling.
I think whatever is the most you can do right now is more than okay. It's difficult not to compare ourselves to others, particularly when our brain is working with it's negativity bias, but it can be easy to compare to others our own age who are maybe seen as doing 'better' or 'more' than we are. Your pace is the perfect pace for you, your health and mental health is way more important than having your life together right now, these things will all come with time, and it's important to focus on yourself and your recovery right now.
I would strongly suggest talking to your doctor about your struggling with eating at the moment, because it's really important to eat, and I know this is hard for you, so it may be helpful to come up with a plan that works best for you with your doctor.
In terms of struggling with feeling rejected by your friends, have you been able to discuss this feeling with these friends? or is this difficult for you? I'm sure they care deeply about you, they're maybe just a little busy with life at the moment, but I don't think they would reject you, particularly when you're struggling. I know it can feel so lonely when you're not well, and your friends are getting on with their life, but honestly, if they're your true friends, they will always be there for you when you need them. Even if you can't talk to them very often in the year.
You're doing the best you can, and I'm really proud of you<3
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
It is understandable that you are struggling with this. It is normal that you want to impress your parents. However, I believe in a quote which states your best will never be good enough for the wrong people whereas your worst will always be more than enough for the right people.
Are the impressions of your parents currently being influenced by their own difficulties? I know you said they are having a tough time too. It does not make you wrong for ignoring their advice. The only wrong thing you can do is not look after yourself and respect yourself. Start taking care of yourself and appreciating what you think about yourself. That's easier said than done I know but you are your own voice. I know you said you are trying. Trying is more than enough especially when you are already experiencing a tough time. It takes courage to try even though you are hurting.
What's making you feel scared about accessing medical help? I know it must be worrying, especially when you have struggled for so long and feel unreachable or you are approaching medical help for the first time. I want you to know that you are reachable. The fact you are reaching out makes you reachable. It shows that you are trying. Medical helpers care about you just like we do and will be here for you when you are ready.
Honestly, your friends aren't to 'fix you' because no one is going to 'fix you'. You don't need fixing. You aren't technology. You are a human going through a difficult time. You just need a listening ear, support, and not face this alone which is what we can all do for you, including your friends.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter how small the steps may seem. We are all here for you, are listening to you, and care about you
I understand completely, it can be really difficult to set boundaries with parents, particularly when you're struggling. You're not wrong to ignore their advice at all though, your the only one who knows what's best for you, and their opinions, aren't always right, and considering they're struggling to come to terms with your diagnoses, their advice is probably very biased and not helpful. I know this is easier said than done, but I think it's important to put your priorities first, and know that your recovery and finding things that work best for you, is all that's important, despite what others say.
It's okay to be scared, you're allowed to feel how you feel. It might take some time, just seek advice and help when you feel ready. Are you able to talk more about what is making you worried or scared to access medical support? It's okay if you can't, please only do what's comfortable to you.
I know it can be really difficult to not feel like we're burdening the people we love when our mental health is so difficult to cope with, but I highly doubt you're burdening them at all, I think they'd just be happy to hear from you, but of course, taking your time and messaging when you're ready is what's most important. I also just wanted to say that no problem is too small or too big, and I don't believe your problems are humiliating. I think they may feel that way to you, but they're very important, and you deserve support and love to cope with these difficulties.
I just want you to know that it's okay to feel what you feel, but it sounds like you're really struggling right now, and trying your best to get through this time in ways that work for you. I think the most important thing for you to focus on right now is yourself and your mental health, it's okay if you can't do things you used to be able to, your circumstances have changed. You're still worthy of love and kindness. It's so important to be kind and gentle with yourself, particularly when your mental health is struggling. You're doing what you can within your circumstances and that's all anyone can ask.
I know it can be hard to see how others love us and want to be around us when our own brain is telling us we're not 'worth' friendship or companionship, but I'm so sure that people do love you and want to be around you. It's hard to see this when our own brain tells us how rubbish we are at everything, and switches on the negativity bias consistently.
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling suicidal, have you reached out to anyone about these thoughts like SHOUT 85258 or the Samaritans 116123. Please don't go through this alone, I know it feels like there's only one way out, when everything in our life feels like it's dark and full of negativity, but I know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and you are worth love and support through this difficult time. Please reach out to someone, or one of the services, you deserve so much love and support. Have you reached out to The Mix's counselling service at all?
Please look after yourself, and know that we do care about you, and will always be here if you need it