Teen pregnancy

Former Member

Hi

I have recently found out that I am pregnant, I really don’t know what to do.

Anna

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.

How are you feeling about being pregnant? I recognise that it might take a lot to process.

Do you have family and friends you can talk to about your pregnancy?

We are listening to you and are here for you

Italia

Hey @annas

Welcome to The Mix! We are glad you're here. Finding our you're pregnant can feel really big, as @Laura_tigger82 said, thanks for sharing it with us, we know that takes a lot of courage.

I can hear you might be feeling a bit unsure or overwhelmed right now - which is completely normal for what you are going through.

When you are ready there are some great organisations who can give you lots of information. Brook are really good and they have a whole page full of advice and frequently asked questions about pregnancy which explores all your options. You can view these here: https://www.brook.org.uk/topics/pregnancy/

The Mix also has a few places you can chat to people anonymously.

Our confidential helpline for one to one chats with our team is open from 3pm - 12am 0808 808 4994 or if you would rather chat via webchat you can find that here when the helpline opens: https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team. They will be able to point you to some places which will support you with whatever your specific situation is.

You could check out our group chat tonight too - this starts at 8pm, and is a space for peer support. You can access that here when it opens: https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat

Or you are welcome to keep posting here, our community are lovely and supportive.

I hope you're doing okay, stay strong. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I'm sure the community can help you out.

Former Member

thanks @Laura_tigger82 and @Italia your posts are helpful.

I haven’t told anyone that I am pregnant, I don’t know how to tell my parents they are going to be so upset.

Annas

Former Member

Hey @annas I know this sounds like a hard situation and the thought of telling your parents must be really scary at this stage.

There’s no best time to break the news to your parents that you’re pregnant other than when you are ready.

It may be better to process where you’re at with the pregnancy first. This can help you identify your feelings and your wants, and prepare you for whatever happens next. How are you feeling about the pregnancy?

If you don't feel ready to talk to anyone yet, journaling your thoughts and feelings may help, and of course we are always here for you

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks for your response. I am glad we were able to be helpful.

You were also helpful in your response as you allowed us to have more understanding of your particular situation. Thank you for that.

I agree with the wonderful advice provided by @cocobean. It may be a good idea to process how you are feeling first if you are not feeling ready to talk to your parents.

Are you able to talk to friends or us about how you feel? If not, writing and reflecting for yourself may be a great first place to start.

You may also prefer to write to other people when you are feeling ready to tell other people. Sometimes writing feels more manageable than speaking.

Your family may be upset at first but I am sure they will come round to it once they have processed it. You also need to make sure you have processed it though and feel safe and comfortable.

Take things at your own pace. It is okay, we are here for you

Former Member

Hi @Laura_tigger82

I am so scared, I can’t believe that I am pregnant and having a baby in nine months time.
This was not meant to happen, my period didn’t happen and I didn’t know what to do so I goggled it and it said do a test which I did. It came back positive.
This afternoon I told my best friend that I was pregnant and she told me that I need to tell my parents.

She said that they will probably be upset but they need to know that I am pregnant.
My boyfriend came round this afternoon he was really shocked when I told him that I was pregnant. I really don’t think I am ever going to be able to tell my parents that I am pregnant.

Annas

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks as always for reaching out. I always appreciate that it takes a lot of courage to reach out but this is especially the case when you are feeling afraid.

I think you are being really brave even though you are feeling scared. Feeling scared is a really valid emotion to feel in response to having a lot to process and uncertainty around what to expect.

I am just wondering if it would help you to tell your parents if you had some time to process it first?

Sometimes different locations may also help so it may be worthwhile also thinking about where you would prefer to tell your parents.

Also, would it help if you had your friends or boyfriend present at the same time? I am just thinking this would ensure that at least one other person would already be aware and supportive of your situation when you tell your parents.

We are always here for you and listening to you

Some other resources you may find useful include:

- NHS (https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/support/teenage-pregnancy/)
- Family Lives (https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/sex/teenage-pregnancy/)
- Together for Children (https://www.togetherforchildren.org.uk/services/teenage-pregnancy-support)

If you have any questions about these resources or need anything to be clarified, we are only a post, message, or call away!

AislingDM

So much supportive advice and words have already been shared so I won't say much beyond, thank you so very much for being honest with us. Talking about pregnancy with anyone is terrifying, let alone your parents, it truly is beyond understandable that you are feeling so fearful. I know you're so terrified, especially given that this has come as such a shock to you, I cannot begin to imagine how frightening this is, but remember we are here for you no matter what, and I truly would recommend looking into those resources shared, as being supported through this process is essential for you to maintain your mental wellbeing It also may be helpful if you want to talk out how you would consider telling your parents, if you wanted to. Sometimes going into it with a plan can make complex conversations easier. https://psychcentral.com/health/teenage-pregnancy-tips-for-telling-your-parents

Finally, I just wanted to say, huge well done for being brave enough not only to tell us but your boyfriend and friend, as you do not deserve to shoulder a pregnancy alone, you deserve support throughout this, I promise you. I'm here if you want to talk more about anything at all, including if you want support in navigating the resources above. Please feel no pressure to answer this question, but I thought it was important to ask whether you'd like to talk about your fears of telling your parents in more detail? Thank you so much for your honesty and openness, big hugs xxx

AislingDM

Just wanted to check in and see how you've been doing over the last week @annas ? no pressure at all, I just know you were quite anxious and wanted to remind you that we are all here for you no matter what happens xx

Former Member

@AislingDM i am really scared and worried about the fact that I having a baby. I don’t know how to tell my parents and I am suffering with morning sickness.

Former Member

Hey @annas
It's understandable that you're feeling anxious about having a baby. Is there anyone in your family or close circle that you feel safe and comfortable around to help start the conversation around this? In terms of morning sickness, have you been in regular contact with your GP, they may be able to help ease this a little.

Ed_

Hey @annas I wonder with your parents if it is worth having a go at writing down what you would want to say to them? That can sometimes help you to work out exactly what you want to say, and then you could either give them the letter to read in their own time, or read it out to them. Often with sharing news you are worried about how they will react, it is the surprise that drives people's reactions, so giving them time to process it may help them to then talk to you about it when they have processed everything.

Equally, focusing on what you want them to help you with can give them a clear focus on how to respond. You mentioned that you had told a friend about this, do you think they may be willing to be with you if you choose to tell your parents about this?

When thing feel scary, it can be easy to focus on the worst case scenario, however have you spent much time thinking about what it could be like if your parents reacted in a supportive way? When it comes to pregnancy, it is likely that there will be a point where people find out whether you want them to or not, so it can be worth thinking through how you would want to tell people on your terms

Finally, have you been to see a doctor yet about being pregnant? It can be important to get medical advice as they can do some checks to make sure you are okay, and can give you some guidance on things like morning sickness.

You are doing really well to talk this through with us, we are all here for you

Laura_tigger82

Hey @annas

Thanks for your response. I am sorry to hear you are struggling. Unfortunately, I don't have much to add as @Brookee and @Ed_ have already provided some really wonderful support. However, I just wanted to say that we are here for you, thinking of you, and will always listen to you. How you are feeling is really valid!

Former Member

@Brookee and @Ed_ i recently saw the doctor about my addiction but also my morning sickness. She said that morning sickness is just part of the course of being pregnant but if it gets worse to come back and she would prescribe me some anti sickness tablets. I am feeling really self conscious this morning I feel like the entire world knows that I am having a baby but I am only 7 weeks so I am hardly showing.

Laura_tigger82

Hey @annas

Thanks for your response. I am really pleased to hear your doctor is supporting you.

Would you like to talk to us more about how you are feeling self-conscious? I can imagine that is really difficult and don't want you to have to go through that alone. It could be because you know you are pregnant but struggling to tell people.

I have faith that in time you will feel comfortable communicating with people about being pregnant. Even if this is in writing initially rather than speech. Just do it when you feel ready and as comfortable as possible!

I hope this helps but if we can do anything to support you please just let us know

AislingDM

Thank you so so much for coming back to us @annas , I can't even begin to imagine how intense this time is for you, I know you're worrying about so many things, from your parents' reactions and physical symptoms of pregnancy to stresses about how others are perceiving you. This must all be so very overwhelming. Given this, it really is super impressive that you managed to speak with your GP to get their professional advice, this was extremely brave of you. In terms of the morning sickness, as the GP said this is a common experience for pregnant people, despite this you shouldn't suffer in silence if it becomes unmanageable for you, and letting the doctor know that is essential, as you shouldn't have to deal with that alone.

That feeling of self-consciousness must be made all the more anxiety-inducing by the panic of knowing that you haven't told your parents, and so it's beyond understandable that you're feeling uncertain of how to act each day!! You're defo right that there is some relief in knowing that you aren't showing yet because of being early along which can provide some short-term feelings of comfort which is wonderful. Ultimately, it remains so so true that you deserve to tell people whenever you are ready and not a minute sooner, I know this is a complicated thought when you're so stressed about how your parents will react, but we will be here no matter what. Perhaps reaching out to those organisations like Brook which are specifically aimed towards supporting pregnant people might be useful? x

I'm wondering what you're thinking and feeling at the minute in terms of your parents? I know this is a huge scary question, so please feel no pressure to respond to it, but we'd really love to help give some advice if that's what you'd like Huge hugs from me xx

Former Member

I am trying to not think about my parents in respect to the baby. I am really scared that eventually I will have to tell them that I am pregnant and going to give birth. I feel that I really don’t want anyone to know that I am having a baby m

Laura_tigger82

Hi @annas

Thanks for your response. We really respect your rights and where you are at right now. If we can do anything to help you along this journey though, please don't hesitate to let us know. We will always be here for you and listening to you!

AislingDM

1000% that is beyond understandable and makes complete sense, wanting this to be information that you keep just to yourself is completely reasonable and totally your right. Feeling stressed about the idea of others finding out is really understandable and I wonder what causes you to feel extremely anxious and scared of telling your parents? (no pressure on this question, would just like to help in any way possible, even if it's just for you to vent your emotions) xxx

Former Member

I am 9 weeks pregnant and I feeling so tired as well as suffering with morning sickness. I just feel like a failure for getting pregnant so young and a disgrace to my family. My parents won’t understand that I didn’t intend to have a baby they will think that we didn’t use protection and that the pregnancy was intentional and we got me pregnant deliberately.

Former Member

Hey @annas,

You're dealing with a hell of a lot right now, please be kind to yourself. These things happen, and you're doing the best you can within the circumstances you're in. You deserve to be supported through such a difficult time. I'm wondering if you have anyone you can talk to about your feelings who you feel safe and comfortable around? You don't deserve to be alone through this.

Former Member

My boyfriend and best friend know that I am pregnant but my parents need to know that they are about to become grandparents. I have my first midwife appointment next Thursday I am so nervous, I don’t know what to expect.

Former Member

Hey @annas
Has the support of your boyfriend and best friend been helpful for you? I'm wondering, if everything went your way, what would happen next? I think it's really wonderful that you're reaching out for support when you need it. Do you feel comfortable getting in touch with your GP or any other trusted professional involved in your pregnancy to help reassure you about what's going to happen next Thursday? that may give you some reassurance and help you prepare for it, if that's something you feel comfortable doing.

Former Member

Hey @Brookee

Yes my boyfriend and best friends support has been helpful. My boyfriend is really helpful and my best friend has been a great shoulder to cry on.My best friend explained what will happen at the midwife appointment as her mum had just had a baby and my friend went with her mum sometimes to her mums appointments.

AislingDM

I'm so glad to hear that you have people in your life who are there for you and who are making sure that you feel as supported as possible throughout this It's especially cool that your best friend's experiences mean that she has extra knowledge to keep you informed Would you like to talk about how the midwife appointment went? xxx

Former Member

@AislingDM The midwife's appointment went quite well even though I knew what to expect I was still rather nervous. The midwife talked through my medical history, she got me to do a pregnancy test to just double-check which was positive. We talked about the options she said that I really wanted to go through with abortion it was still possible. We also talked about how my pregnancy would progress over the next few weeks she asked me if any of my family knew which I said no. She said that if I proceed with my pregnancy they are going to know eventually as I'm going to show. She did a number of blood tests and arranged my 12-week scan which is in 21/2 weeks. This is all starting to feel rather real. I'm having a baby!!

Former Member

I have my 12 week scan on Thursday my boyfriend is coming to the scan which is first thing so I will be late into school.
I am nervous as I hope that the baby doesn’t have Downs and excited as I want to see the baby. I am starting to put on weight so I don’t think it would be long until I start to show. The my friends and family will know that I am pregnant.

Former Member

Hey @annas
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot all at once at the moment, and it seems really overwhelming for you. I think it shows great strength to reach out about this. I'm wondering if you'd feel comfortable talking to your midwife or GP about these concerns? I know it can be really scary to go through this and be worried about how you'll be perceived by others. I'm just wondering if you have any adults at school or outside of school that you feel safe and can trust to talk through these feelings with?

AislingDM

Huge well done for going to that appointment and being so brave in your honesty throughout! I know you said you knew what the process was before going in, but I know that doesn't always take away from the anxiety of talking about all this, because like you said, that's what makes it feel so 'real' and then you're being faced with all the different parts to a pregnancy.

You are so awesome for talking so openly and have clearly thought a lot about how things are going to change in the coming weeks in terms of friends and family finding out. I'm wondering, how do you feel about that?

I know you've also mentioned about the midwife advising you about both continuing the pregnancy and ending it, which is really great because it's so important to have all the info. Given this, I think it might be good to talk either to your midwife or the BPAS [https://www.bpas.org/] about your worries about the baby having Down Syndrome, they can give you lots of help in understanding what life is like for people with Down Syndrome and that having a baby with Down Syndrome can be just as exciting as if the baby does not have Down Syndrome. Either way, it's awesome to know as much as possible so that you can feel as confident in yourself

I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is able to support you with the 12-week scan, it's often a lot nicer to know there is someone right there to support us during such appointments. How are you feeling about it coming up? xxxxx

AislingDM

Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing @annas , no pressure, just letting you know we're here if you're needing us xxx