Reasons why I am not happy

Kate_20

When I was a kid, I was jealous of the grow-ups because nobody would look at their grades. Now I feel anxious because I don't know how I can support myself. I still need to eat everyday, which is a burden. I never enjoyed eating. And I will never grow out of my physical and mental pain. They will always be there and will never end. The relief I was expecting since childhood did not come. Nobody can save me from my own hell.

Durhamjaide

Hope you are ok

Kate_20

Durhamjaide wrote: »

Hope you are ok

I hope I can be okay, but I am in severe pain and find myself disgusting.

Brookee

@Kate_20 It's really devastating to read how difficult things are for you right now, I want you to know you're not alone in this, we're always here for you. When you say you don't know how to support yourself, are you able to express more about what this means to you? When it comes to eating, is there any foods at all that make you happy or bring you comfort?

I know it's easy for me to say that time, patience and gentleness with yourself is the biggest healer, but it really is. If it makes you feel any better, I was in the worst place mentally last year, I didn't see a way out of this pain either, but with time and patience with myself, I'm now in recovery. Now, everyone's journey is different, and you're doing the best you can with the circumstances you're in, and it's honestly such a massive achievement just getting through each day! Let alone the fact you're so open and honest with us about how you're feeling!

We're always here for you, and we care a lot about you

Kate_20

@Brookee I mean I cannot find a job or hold down a job at this stage. No, I just want to throw up so that is why I am a disgusting person. I am feeling like this because I am suffering the consequences of ignoring my physical health when my mental health went downhill. Now I feel more like my childhood self who was constantly in physical pain due to stomach issues. The only difference is that when I was a child I had the kind of hope that it wouldn't be like this if I grow up. Sadly I did not outgrow my issues and now I've lost hope. I think the only way I could get rid of my body is to kill myself.

Brookee

@Kate_20 That's okay though, I can't do those things either right now, but I've learnt that these things do take time, and the only way we can get to where we want is by being compassionate with ourselves. You've been through so much, and the fact you wake up everyday and try again is incredible and important. It's hard with the society we live in to be compassionate and kind to ourselves, in a world driven by money and the stigma around not having a job or having it all figured out, but your life, is yours, not other people's, and it's unfair that we have so much pressure and stigma around doing what's best for our mental and physical health.

You're not disgusting at all. I wonder if you've spoken to your doctor about your struggles with eating, and your stomach issues? I understand this can be a very sensitive subject, so please only do what makes you feel comfortable and safe. It can be difficult because mental and physical health are so interwoven, that when ones affected, so is the other. You're doing the best you can honestly, I'm really proud of you.

I know it seems like that's the only way out, but it isn't. Your worthy because you exist. You really do matter and you deserve love and kindness, particularly when your brain isn't being kind or loving towards you. I believe in you and your recovery and I will have all the hope you need, until you can believe it yourself, because you are worth it. I would suggest speaking to your doctor about your stomach issues if this is something you feel safe to do, as they may be able to help with this, and take a little bit of pressure off what you're already going through.

Neha12

Hope you are fine now

Laura_tigger82

Hey @Neha12! Thanks for continuing to support our community. All your efforts are acknowledged and really appreciated. Just please remember we are always here for you too if you ever need anything