Note to self

Kate_20

Note to self: You education is offering you ability to live abroad, ability to read in three languages, some friends, an amazing volunteering experience but none of these means you have a future. You'll get unemployed because your future employer will certainly hate you.

Laura_tigger82

Hi @Kate_20

Thanks for reaching out to us. I especially liked reading about the benefits of your education!

Am I allowed to ask you what you are studying? It sounds really interesting and useful.

I think you will have a great future in whatever you put your mind and energies towards

You are really kind and that will make you a valued member of any community! (including but not limited to employment)

Kate_20

@Laura_tigger82 The vast majority of people I have met do not like me. They are avoiding me and not even want to talk to me. So I never know why people do not like me. I got kicked out of so many places. I think my future employer will not like me because they are very likely to be the same as most people. This will ban me from working anywhere. I cannot avoid social interactions in my life if I need a job because I do not have the skills that can enable me to do that.

Laura_tigger82

Hey @Kate_20

First of all, I want to say if this is most people then I'm glad The Mix community (including myself!) are not 'most people'. We think you are wonderful and really kind and valued.

Also, I am sorry to hear this is how most people have treated you. Honestly, it says more about them than it ever could say about you.

When I was younger, I was always treated quite similarly! I was always known as the alone child who sat in hallways trying to pass time.

This made me feel like it was my fault, perhaps due to my autism. After all, everyone else had friends, they weren't being bullied and they enjoyed school.

Over time, I learned to accept myself and I have found my circle of people and I couldn't be happier.

It doesn't matter how small that circle is, it is the quality of that circle that matters the most.

Try and find your circle of people, the ones who love you for who you are, are accepting of you, and are kind to you.

You will also find this with employers. Good employers are kind, accepting, and trustworthy.

If they're not, it says more about them than it does you and I wouldn't recommend spending your time working for them!

Kate_20

@Laura_tigger82 I have my own circle of friends but I could have done better. I still feel inferior to people who have a lot of friends because that means they are popular. Also, I do not have the skills that the job market require because I am not interested in them even before I got depressed.

Laura_tigger82

Hi @Kate_20

I am sorry to hear you feel that way. It must be really tricky if you believe the number of friends is important.

I am of the opinion that the number of friends does not matter as much as the quality of friends.

However, if you want to make more friends, are there friends of friends you could talk to? clubs you could join? social groups?

I heard a very important point in your post which was "because I am not interested in them". For you, I think it would be useful to think about the types of jobs you are interested in! And then build the skills around your interests

Kate_20

@Laura_tigger82 I used to have very restricted interests towards learning different languages and cultures behind them. Now I am not interested in anything. I am not good at translating, explaining things or writing logically. These things did not get better with practice.

Laura_tigger82

Language and culture sounds wonderful @Kate_20

Do you enjoy photography? Supporting individuals whose first language is not the main language? Cooking? I will come up with more ideas!

If you could spend your time doing anything you wanted to, what would it be?

Kate_20

@Laura_tigger82 I am not good at photography. Supporting people needs me to develop interpersonal skills which I am bad at. Cooking takes a lot of effort. I want to hire someone to kill me because I do not want to continue but I am too stupid to ensure my death.

Laura_tigger82

Hi @Kate_20

What jobs would you enjoy? They don't have to be things you are instinctively good at, just things you enjoy.

With enjoyment comes a passion and a lot of effort. Through effort comes talent and all the skills you want to have.

I know you are having a tough time and I am sorry to hear that you are struggling.

I am looking forward to hearing all the things you enjoy and are good at because I know there will be lots of things!

You are just struggling to see your strengths at the moment.

What is making you feel like you don't want to continue?

I am glad you are still here with us

Former Member

Hi @Kate_20,

I am really sorry to read you're struggling right now. Thank you for opening up to us, I know this can be really difficult. I think it's really fantastic that your university is offering you so many versatile ways to help you. I also wanted to reiterate that you most certainly do have a future, and your future may look a lot different to what you want right now, and that's okay. What's important right now is that you're supported through these difficult times, and focus on your mental health and getting better.

Also, in response to your comment about feeling like you could've done better for friends, as we get older, a lot of people only have a close knit circle of friends, and as long as you feel loved, safe and free to be yourself with these friends, I think that's what's most important, quality over quantity!

I wonder if you've contacted your doctor to let them know that you've lost interest in everything? they may be able to refer you onto professionals who can help you with your depression, and figure out what you enjoy. It's also okay to lose interest in things, depression is very complex and a very difficult illness to deal with, and you're doing really great getting through each day, particularly if you're feeling suicidal. These are massive achievements, that don't get enough credit!

Has your volunteering helped you become more confident with your interpersonal skills? It's really okay, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, the fact you're trying to do things that help you gain skills you most want, is amazing. Don't forget that your journey is a lot different to someone else's, so please try not to be so hard on yourself!

Please remember there are really important services available to you should you ever need them, including:
SHOUT 85258
and Samaritans 116123.

Joe

@Kate_20 Thank you for sharing how your feeling. You happy to share what language's you can speak? Even if you know just a little (I can do a very small amount of German). Also what would you say is your top three cultures you have learnt about?

In terms of employment skills I wonder if you have ever looked at either https://www.princes-trust.org.uk/ or https://www.youthemployment.org.uk/, both are great.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

Kate_20

@Laura_tigger82 I am trapped because the job I want to take is not what I am good at at all. @Brookee Yeah but nothing worked so far in terms of my mental health. I've got a diagnosis which my parents struggle to accept. No, my volunteering did not help me with my interpersonal skills because people were generally nice to me over there and it did not feel real. I deserve them to treat me badly. Maybe they did not because they thought I am still young and deserve a chance? Anyways, it is volunteering so it is not set to the same standard as doing a paid job. @Joe Thanks for the links. I'll have a look. I learned limited amount of things and I am ashamed to share

Laura_tigger82

Hi @Kate_20

Thanks for your response. I am sorry to hear you are feeling trapped. I think it is great that you have reached out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.

Just so I can fully understand your situation, I have a couple of questions for you if you feel comfortable answering them. My questions are: (1) What job do you want and (2) What makes you think you are not good at the job?

I usually think you should go with the job you want as the rest comes later. There is also support for employees depending on why you think you are not good at the job which may help you to become a pro at the job you are interested in.

Thanks

Former Member

Hi @Kate_20

Thank you for getting back to us, I know it can be difficult when feeling low. Is there anything the doctor hasn’t tried that may help, I.e. CBT, DBT. Sometimes unfortunately, we have to push for the support we deserve with doctors as they don’t always know what’s best for us, I wonder if you’ve been able to look into anything type of therapy or support available to you that you think may be beneficial? I know that’s not always easy particularly when feeling suicidal.

I’m also really sorry that your parents are struggling to come to terms with your diagnosis, that’s seems really difficult for you. It’s important to note that you are not your diagnosis, you’re your own person, and someone’s diagnosis shouldn’t determine their worth or capabilities.

I think despite what your brain is telling you, you do deserve love and care and kindness from others. Is it alright to ask what your volunteer job was? Because I’m sure no matter what your brain is telling you, it would definitely have helped your skill set, it can just often be covered by our negative mindset bias which tells us everything we do is pointless and we’re not good enough, despite the fact that everyone is worthy of love and kindness. Volunteering often is within a paid environment so even though you may not have the same responsibilities as such, it still would’ve given you some skills you may not even be aware of right now. You’re doing really great Kate, dealing with these emotions is really difficult and I’m really grateful that you’re able to express how you’re feeling here when times are difficult.

Sending you love