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Things are hard (TW)
independent_
Community Champion Posts: 8,647 Legendary Poster
Sorry for posting so much lately. Just struggling.
I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, the most basic of things is stressing me out and the thought of another lockdown and not being able to see people is really playing on my mind.
It’s all just hit me so quickly and my brain has gone in to “fuck it, let’s self destruct” mode.
TW self harm
My sleep routine is fucked, I don’t want to do anything, I’ve been having really awful dreams lately too. The other night I dreamt that we were driving on the motorway in the dark and the car skidded off. Last night I dreamt that I was stopped by the police, accused of some crime I didn’t do and when I reacted they threatened to section me.
I don’t know what’s going on, I was supposed to have a med review last week, I booked it then half an hour later they phoned me to say my GP had phoned in sick..and I really don’t want to speak to another GP.
Then part of me thinks I’m just overdramatising in my head and it’s all just a stressful week..but I felt like something wasn’t quite right before but couldn’t quite figure out what.
Just need a hug I guess.
I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, the most basic of things is stressing me out and the thought of another lockdown and not being able to see people is really playing on my mind.
It’s all just hit me so quickly and my brain has gone in to “fuck it, let’s self destruct” mode.
TW self harm
I self harmed yesterday for the first time in a while, was kind of an impulsive reaction and I feel really guilty for it. But it’s going to be hard to stop again I think
My sleep routine is fucked, I don’t want to do anything, I’ve been having really awful dreams lately too. The other night I dreamt that we were driving on the motorway in the dark and the car skidded off. Last night I dreamt that I was stopped by the police, accused of some crime I didn’t do and when I reacted they threatened to section me.
I don’t know what’s going on, I was supposed to have a med review last week, I booked it then half an hour later they phoned me to say my GP had phoned in sick..and I really don’t want to speak to another GP.
Then part of me thinks I’m just overdramatising in my head and it’s all just a stressful week..but I felt like something wasn’t quite right before but couldn’t quite figure out what.
Just need a hug I guess.
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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Comments
Please don't be sorry. It is okay and we are lucky to frequently hear from you
I am really sorry to hear you are struggling. It sounds like you have had a lot to process.
I think you have done the best thing in finding the courage to reach out to us.
Other ways to manage stress include recognising that whilst we may not be in control of all things, we can control what we do and how we act.
We can make sure we are accessing support and taking care of ourselves.
Taking care of ourselves will look different for each person but for me, that would mean listening to music, going for walks in my neighbourhood, and having warm baths.
Your nightmares sound really tough for you. Have you spoken to anyone else about these?
It is likely that your nightmares are a reflection of the stress you are currently experiencing.
Mind has a section about sleep that you might find useful. If you are interested, you can find it at https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/sleep-problems/about-sleep-and-mental-health/.
Would you feel more comfortable talking to another GP if it was online? If so, you might be able to request that. Alternatively, could you request that your GP calls you back when they return?
Sending you big hugs
My GP doesn’t have online appointments and they told me they had nothing pre-bookable left, how it works at my surgery is you have to phone at 8.15 on the day and you’ll get a same day appointment. They have very few you can book in advance. They can get a bit funny about it if you do’t call on the day. Which is frustrating. Don’t really know what to do tbh. Then of course we’re going into the christmas period so they will be closed a lot anyways.
Of course. Sometimes we know we need to take care of ourselves but it is the hardest thing for us to do.
Sometimes in these situations, it helps to ask what you would do if this was a friend feeling the way you are and in the circumstances you are?
I am really sorry to hear that! I hope you can get hold of your GP soon or at least a GP you can trust and feel comfortable with talking to
I know in my mind I need support and I probably need to speak to my family too before they start to notice..but the thought of doing that less than a week before christmas is so difficult.
It is okay. Breathe. Take things at your pace.
Can we help?
I am really glad to hear writing helped
Moving forwards, you could continue to write about how you feel until you are ready to talk to someone.
We are also here for you and there is some useful information about sleep written by Mind at https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/sleep-problems/about-sleep-and-mental-health/.
Look after yourself and make sure you are resting as much as possible!
I've spent most of today resting and doing very little. Being unproductive is making me feel even more shit. Just can't win right now.
I am glad you have managed to rest today.
Productivity culture is very real but sometimes we need to rest and recharge and that is okay.
You can't run on empty fuel.
On those days, we come first! And the rest can come later when you are feeling better
Christmas music is lovely too. Any songs in particular you are enjoying listening to at the moment?
If you feel better getting things done, aim for one or two small things each day until you are feeling better
I like the new one by Ed Sheeran and Elton John. It's a lovely song.
I'm just trying to keep distracted. Working a bit but not all the time which sucks
Dogs are wonderful @independent_ and I am really glad to hear your dog keeps you happy
How do you usually keep distracted when not working? For me, it is watching TV, listening to music, colouring and walking in my local area!
Thank you for your thank you! I just do it because I care and I mean every word I say
You are not alone even if you feel alone
It’s so hard to keep distracted. I think that’s why I’m in chat so much and when I post more on here. Think I’ve just let everything get to me more than I usually would.
independant thats ok we are glad to have you in chat and on here - i love seeing you!! I am the same I am here to distract myself lol but its nice to have company as well and you are such a lovely person. If you ever want to chat I am here xx
Please don't feel guilty for being in chat or on here for a second! We are here for you and it is our pleasure to be here for you and help you in times of difficulty.
Have you managed to watch any television today?
The exact same goes for you too @Jellyelephant
We are here for you both
@Brookee I don’t know how I’m feeling tbh. I have the triggering thoughts back but trying to fight them. I will probably go lie down and watch something before chat.
@Laura_tigger82 I watched the chase earlier, it was a really good episode. I won’t give spoilers in case anyone wants to watch but it was a very tense ending. Don’t know what I’ll watch now. Or might just listen to music.
You are more than welcome
Did you see tonight's chase? The chaser lost
Another quiz programme you might like is Sitting on a Fortune on ITV. I don't normally watch it but I watched the Celebrity special last night and really enjoyed it
Ooh yes I have seen that show advertised but haven’t watched it, I might give it a go in a bit or if I’m still looking for something to distract after chat.
Just shows that they are only human too
Good luck with the chat this evening. I hope you find it useful