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Struggling with depression
Past User
Recovering🥀Posts: 0 Just got here
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I’m really sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time right now, it sounds pretty draining.
I don’t have much advice really (wish I could say more to help) but If it helps I can empathise with how you’re feeling. Much of your post resonated with me and I’m sure it will with others on here too, so you are absolutely not alone.
Have you been getting any help from your GP, psychiatrist etc? Had your meds looked at or receiving any therapy at the moment?
Sending so many hugs
I’m really sorry to read that you’re going through a difficult time right now. I really empathise with you, and wanted to just say how incredible it is for you to reach out.
It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid. I know it can feel hard when everyone around you is bubbly and happy and as much as you want to be this way too, it’s not always possible. That’s okay, you’re going through difficult circumstances.
It’s really positive that they understand you and how you’re feeling, I know that doesn’t necessarily reduce or ease that guilt you’re feeling, but remember that you’re doing the best you can right now, and that’s more than enough.
I understand it’s hard for you to communicate with others at the moment, that’s perfectly understandable. Have you been able to communicate this with your family and boyfriend? If you feel comfortable too, it may be beneficial to let them know that you need time and may not be able to interact with them the way you’d like to right now.
I’m really sorry your anxiety is flaring up. I wonder if you’ve contacted your GP at all? They may be able to signpost you to important services that may support you through this such as counselling. If this is something you feel comfortable to do I would encourage you to contact them. This could be very beneficial and help. I will say they may offer you medication, which may help you with your mood swings, suicidal thoughts and sleeping, but it’s important to know that you don’t have to have medication if you don’t feel comfortable with it. This is your personal journey and you’re within your rights to choose your own recovery and treatment path
You are so brave for opening up about this, it’s such a difficult and complex topic but I’m so proud of you for this. It’s really commendable that you are aware of your negative thought patterns, I know they can become overwhelming and consuming, so you’re really doing incredible fighting these each day and should be so proud of yourself. However, please know that if you happen to relapse it doesn’t make you a failure, recovery isn’t linear and you’re still doing incredibly.
I am so sorry to read about what you’ve been through, I think it’s important to understand that his actions are not your fault and never have been. They are not a reflection on you, but of him. I know it can be so hard to process this, trauma is such a difficult thing to cope with as it doesn’t just affect us mentally but lives in our bodies. I wonder if you’ve ever had contact with a counsellor before? They may be able to help you work through this trauma and provide you with beneficial and positive coping strategies for when your PTSD is triggered. Of course, if this isn’t something your comfortable with, don’t feel like you have to, I just want you to know that we care about you and want to help you as best we can
I am sending you so much love, please always know we’re here for you and you’re never ever alone in your struggles. You are such a strong individual and I’m so proud of you for sharing this.
I'm really pleased that your boyfriend is understanding and giving you the space and support you need, that's really great to hear. That sounds like a good option, is your psychiatrist referring you to this service to help you?
It's honestly so incredible that you are taking these matters into your own hands and actively trying to find ways to help yourself, it's very difficult and you should be so incredibly proud of yourself. You've achieved so much!
I understand, I feel like it's important to reiterate that it's more common than you think when it comes to anti-depressants not working. You're not alone, I know it can feel like that when other people swear by medications, but everyone is different and on different journey's, and what works for one person won't necessarily work for another. However, it seems like you're taking great strides and I just wanted to highlight that, because it can be hard to appreciate the little wins we make on our recovery journey's.
Please always remember we're here for you always
I read your post and just reminded me of how my man with BPD and PTSD struggles on a daily basis. Trauma is a living hell sometimes and it's hard to remember that you are not in that position anymore when it is replaying in your head over and over. You are not blame for anything. You need to be kind to yourself, and give yourself some credit. You are alive and sometimes, that's one of the hardest things to do, but you are here. Be proud of that.
Sometimes, we need to put some things on hold like hanging with friends so we can use the little bit of energy we have to keep oursleves safe. That is nothing to feel bad about. Your feelings matter and your friends sound lovely, I'm sure they are just happy to have your company as they know how hard that might be sometimes just to be around others when we aren't feeling great. The lack of communication is not personal to them. My cousin has BPD who I text often just so they know I care about them even though they many never reply but them knowing that I am there for them is enough. And then they can reply when they feel able to. It will also takes away the pressure on them to force themselves to be social. When there is a mutual understanding that you care for each other, you don't need to show it for them to know it is there.
My man also struggled to find medication that works for him as well. There is no medication specifically for BPD. However, there are tons of medications can help reduce the symptoms. So keep looking and be patient. Its a pain for sure but it's just trial and error until you find something that works with you. Be honest with your GP so they can help you find what you need.
Recently, my man found something and it makes him feel a little better after years of trying different medication from the GP. We finally found one that works! There are so many options out there. Even if it is short term while you are waiting for treatment or while you are going through treatment.
We waited for two years until he started getting therapy and this is years after getting a diagnosis. So I understand the struggle of trying to get the support you need. Keep fighting for what you deserve - to be happy.
Did you know that BPD has one of the highest rates of remission? BPD is also referred to as chronic PTSD so it may be that by getting treatment for one, other symptoms for your PTSD may lessen too. You may always have BPD, but once you learn to manage the symptoms, you can live a functional life. It takes time and dedication - it is not impossible. You can do it like many others with BPD. It is possible. I remind my man of this too when he is struggling. It can be done. You do not have to be stuck in a cycle forever.
And hey, you made it this far and you have done a great job. And let me tell you, people with BPD and PTSD deal with a lot, and most people couldn't handle what you deal with daily. You are amazing for being here with us. I am so proud of you. A warrior and an inspiration. BPD and PTSD is so stigmatised, by sharing your story, you help spread awareness of the truth behind the disorders.
You want something different in life and you try your best to find the solution and seek help when you need it, all the while inspiring others to do the same - that is something to be proud of!
Stay safe and always here if you want to chat. Be proud of how far you have come already, don't forget you are worth it. 😊
Hope you're doing okay.
This: Please don't blame yourself for other people's actions.
At that time:
- you've formed a bond where you felt like you could trust him
- you've placed your trust in him
- you've felt safe and comfortable around him
And him knowing this, he:
- abused your trust for him
- took advantage of your vulnerability
- is a massive douchebag.
We look back at ourselves and think "I should have... If I didn't..." but please remember that you did everything that you could back then. You never suspected that he would do this. If he didn't do what he did, if he didn't abuse you like this then you wouldn't be in this position.
Going to keep my responses separate for now so please bear with me.
Hiya lovely. I hope you are having a fab day.
He is on Fluxotine at the moment. However, he has had periods over the last few weeks, where he has stopped taking it due to it making him feel like a "zombie". The difficulty is that the medication helps relief his anxiety so he doesn't shake and he is not as on edge.
However, the symptoms of the medication are too much for him on some days when his BPD is very much active. And I do not blame him for not wanting to take them some days when he already feels like he is not in control already.
But we have open and honest talks between ourselves about the risks of him not taking it (he tends to make decisions that negatively impact him when he doesn't take them) and he talks with his DBT therapist about it as well what different options are there like changing the dosage, along with his GP.
As long as you seek medical advice before making decions on your medication, ensures that you make the best choice for you in a safe way. Also the best advice I could give I is:
Not to make big decions (especially health ones like medication) when you are in an extreme high or low - these tend to curve your perception of things one way and you may not feel the same when you are not in such an extreme mood.
Medication is such a tricky thing. He had been on it for months and was feeling great. But as his therapy has become more trauma confronting over the last week or so, he has felt he wanted a clearer mind to confront his past by not taking his medication. But in doing so, he also increases the risk of his BPD persuading him to make risky choices as it becomes more vocal and confusing.
At the end of day, you need to be aware of behaviour that puts you in an unsafe position and how to minise the likelihood of those happening. Some days, it may feel better to him, to have medication but other days the "zombie" feeling feels like too much. Which I guess is BPD for you, conflicting feelings 24/7.
I could go into detail about how my boyfriend and I separate his BPD from him so we can make decisions and communicate better if you would like me to. We have certain things phrases and questions I ask him to help him differentiate between my his thoughts and feelings vs how the BPD is influencing or making certain feelings feel like his own but aren't really. If that makes sense. I might make a separate thread about it as it could be helpful for anyone not just people with BPD, separate the feelings from the disorder/mental illnesses's symptoms.
What do you think? Would that be helpful for you?
I hope you are staying safe and feeling a bit better.
If you are struggling understanding how BPD and PTSD works in terms of what it is and how it affects different people, I suggest you watch Dr Daniel J Fox on YouTube. He takes really complicated things and explains it so simply. Especially explaining about the extreme emotions from pure joy to emptiness to anger, the highs and lows but also how to help you manage them. Has helped me and my man a lot.
Let me know your thoughts on the above.
Sending hugs and positive vibes to you! 🤗
Herbal supplements are totally awesome, I would say!! Just because of COVID, I was really in depression, but those supplements and acupuncture helped me a lot.