Is it possible to re build trust and respect back?

One-in-a-million

So I feel like I’ve lost a lot of trust and respect at work, I’ve lied about some things to do with self harm and apparently a few weeks back my performance has been terrible.. to be honest I knew it had, but I felt so depressed at the time I’d just stopped caring about everything, including myself I didn’t care what would happen to me and was just surviving. I didn’t bring any of this up in the meeting but then we went through where I was lacking (in a lot of stuff) apparently I was being argumentative (can some please explain what they mean by that?) and brought an atmosphere with me some days.. I asked for an example and they said, some days you come in and hardly talk. Again I didn’t put my veiws forward but some days I don’t really feel like talking either because the topic of conversation doesn’t really concern me or simply I’m having a low day and will get upset if I open my mouth or I’m simply just busy with tasks..

I don’t know since then I’ve just felt like they don’t like, respect or trust me anymore. Do you believe this is something I can earn back if I’m more forthcoming when I’m low, I try harder and just try and act more happy even if I’m low?

Former Member

@One-in-a-million Hi!

I'm so sorry to read that you're going through a difficult time at work right now. It seems like it's causing you a lot of distress and upset. I'm really sorry that you aren't feeling respected at work, particularly when you're going through such a difficult time mentally. It's important to note that the way you deal with mental health struggles is unique and should be respected.

I think if it's something you feel able to do, without it causing you too much anguish or distress, maybe try and take this person to the side and if you can, express how you're feeling and how you deal when you're depressed. Of course, only do what you feel will benefit you. Having an open communication about this with them may help them in understanding what you're going through and recognising the signs. Do whatever makes you feel most comfortable and at ease with.

I think it terms of argumentative, it often means that you're disagreeing or arguing with other people when you're angry. This may have been misconstrued maybe from a symptom you were exhibiting at the time.

It's important that you remember that each person's mental health struggles will display differently, and you are entitled to feel the way you do. All of your feelings are valid. It's okay that sometimes you can't open up when you're feeling upset or depressed, you're not alone. If it's possible, maybe communicating this to your employer or manager may be beneficial in making work a more accessible and comfortable space for you to be in.

It's okay to not feel okay. I know it's easy to say this but it's true. It'll probably be more helpful for you to feel these emotions and be with them at the time, than it would be to suppress them away, as it may become a more heavier feeling to be with in the future.

I really hope you're okay, and hope this helps a bit, sending you love

One-in-a-million

@Brookee thank you, I just wish I could start again, they have met the person that I’m actually not. A person I don’t like especially if I am the person they see.

Things seem to be a bit better lately but I think that’s because I’m trying my best to seem happy even when I’m not, agree with everything and just be the way I was when I first started.. it wasn’t the best as I was at a low point but that person seemed to have more respect than the person they think I am.

Former Member

@One-in-a-million Of course! we're always here to support you!

I understand where you're coming from. However, please do be gentle with yourself, this isn't a reflection on you. What you're going through seems difficult and sometimes we're just on survival mode, and maybe can't process anything else. The fact you're getting through each day is incredible. If you feel that it would be beneficial and safe for you to express these worries with the people at your work, it may give you a little peace of mind that you've been able to express what you're going through, and how you would prefer to be perceived at work. Of course, I completely understand this may not be and easy or safe option for you. Do what is best for you, and will make you feel more at ease and safe. You and your mental health are a priority here.

I'm really sorry you feel like you have to suppress how you're feeling to accommodate the people at work. This seems quite draining and upsetting for you. It's okay to feel what you feel, your feelings are always valid, whether they suit other peoples versions of you or not. Is there anyone at work you trust and feel comfortable around to maybe confide in about how you're feeling?

One-in-a-million

@Brookee
Thank you, it’s been unusual today. I’ve been off with COVID. But everyone wanted to make sure I was ok and doing better. I think some of it comes from my own anxiety of worry what people think a lot.

It’s hard to pull someone aside as it’s come from my managers who have spoken to other staff. However I can’t deny how geate they have been in regards to my mental health. But I understand when things haven’t been good that they have to take action

Former Member

@One-in-a-million Of course! I'm so sorry you contracted COVID, I hope you're feeling okay and being gentle with yourself. That's really great to hear! I understand, it can be hard to see things as they are when anxiety takes over. It's great that you're aware of this though, I know that doesn't necessarily help in being able to objectively see things but it's a really incredible thing to have.

I see, I understand that's not a feasible option for you right now . It can be really hard to navigate a situation when you're feeling low mentally and can't access the support you need to express your feelings. I am really sorry that the action had to be taken, despite how negative your mental health has been. I hope that someday soon, it'll be possible for you to be able to open up to them, and increase their understanding of your situation, although I do understand that's easier said than done.

I hope the work environment becomes a little easier on you, and that you continue to be kind and gentle to yourself, you really are incredible and strong, and should be so proud of yourself. Celebrate every little achievement because they are important, when the world feels a little dark, even getting out of bed is a big achievement, you going to work and trying your best is amazing and shouldn't be underestimated.

Sending you love and positivity

Azziman

Trust and respect are things that we have to earn. If people don't trust or respect you, the only way to restore things is to start winning them back. That means being honest, working hard, asking questions when you need help, and fully committing to your role.

That being said, the mental health aspect does make this harder. Workplaces are getting better at understanding mental wellbeing. I'd suggest you ask your manager to set up a regular 1-2-1, perhaps weekly. That way, you can check in to see how you're doing, how you're finding the work, if there's anything you need to bring up etc. Being communicative is a good way to start building that trust up

Ed_

First up @One-in-a-million I just want to take a moment to recognise the fact that you have been able to keep going with work when things have been really heavy with your mental health recently. That requires huge amounts of courage and strength, so try to remember that in the bigger picture.

In terms of talking to colleagues about how you are feeling, it is totally up to you as to what you share. You don't necessarily have to go into full detail to be able to help people understand why you may have days where you are less chatty or however it may present itself. Perhaps though at times when you are having a better day, it may be easier to have that conversation. You could try and identify some of the signs that your MH may not be as good and also perhaps give some tips of what colleagues can do to help, so for example 'when I am having a bad day, it may mean that I am less likely to engage in conversations that aren't to do with work because I find it easier to focus on specific tasks. What can be helpful at these times is x, y, and z'. Giving people some practical things they can do to help may help them feel more connected.

If you do talk to your manager about your MH, it may be worth having a look at Wellness Action Plans and talking these through with your manager, Mind have some good guides on their website here: https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/mental-health-at-work/taking-care-of-your-staff/employer-resources/wellness-action-plan-download/