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Self harm

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Just finished with appointment said it looks good and it has healed and can leave it to be exposed by air. It looks gross to me but yeah lol. I have to come back in 2 weeks though for “therapy” what they call it because after a skin graft the scars contract or something and get lumpy and need to check up that it’s not shrinking or something
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Sounds like a good outcome from the appointment and hopefully you won’t have too many more trips to the clinic as bet it’s expensive from where you are.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited November 2021
    Yeah I guess so. They said I could change it to Ely which is closer but they are only there every 2 weeks in evening. I do prefer morning so I can make it to work. Eventho yeah I’ve called in sick today

    They said it’s healed but really dark in colour like i don’t know if it stays like that or not
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited November 2021
    I’m really stressing out. They said it’s healed will just need therapy for it. It doesn’t look healed to me. It looks new. Like wtf I can’t walk around in short sleeves like that in the summer. Everyone will be grossed out. It’s really stressing me out. They gave me a number to call if I have any worries about it changing. I mean does this count as a worry.
    I Google it and it comes up with nothing. It’s only about the donor site healing which does actually fade. I don’t know why I didn’t ask there and then, I go all quiet lol. I have seen some pictures of the wound healing but it only goes up to 2 weeks which is where I’m at
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Oh never mind I was just searching on Google images of healing. But if Google it it says will fade
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    GMan wrote: »
    If it makes you feel any better I had sugery a few years back on a burst ulcer. I was left with a big scar. Looked horrible. Now you can hardly see it at all. Took some time to get better. For the scar to begin to vanish some. The cut was down my stomach.

    When you think of self harming, try and think of what you might be left with after you self harm. You say it yourself about the Summer months. Might have to wear long sleeved tops. Just to hide a scar. That is the thing. Always having to cover up the scars.

    Another option would be a tattoo. Only so many of them a person can get. But there are people who do tattoo over scars. To try and hide the scars with images.

    Something to think about if you ever feel like self harming again.

    Thank you!

    Do you mean it took months or years to fade?

    I think I’ve done pretty well not self harming in that way since. I keep thinking of the consequences like getting an infection, having to stay in hospital and miss out on money cause of calling in sick, losing money from travelling, scars, more pain, and stressing my family and obviously having surgery isn’t nice
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    edited November 2021
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Oh thank you! I think I’ve actually seen a slight fade since I said this
    It’s meant to be healed but it’s very dry so that’s kinda worrying as i don’t know if that’s normal with surgery but yeah doesn’t make it look any much better

    I’m really pale and I think that makes scars less noticeable right? Cause scars go white eventually and I mean I’m already white as a sheet so basically goes invisible
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I’m still having to have psyco therapy for it. Or whatever the therapy is called. Im meant to massage it myself aswell but it really makes me feel sick to touch it.

    Urges to do it again are just getting stronger :’(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @shaunie I'm so sorry these urges are becoming more intense. I just wanted to let you know that you are doing incredible fighting these, it's not easy and honestly I'm in awe of your resolve and strength right now.

    It's understandable that you don't want to touch it, and it's important that you only do what is best for you. Of course it'll probably be helpful to massage it, but pushing yourself to do something that creates such negative emotions is only going to prevent you from doing it when you feel ready.

    Do you think you could discuss this with the therapist you're seeing and let them know that it makes you feel this way? they may be able to offer you some alternatives.

    Sending you lots of love <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah they gave me a tight bandage that I’m supposed to keep on it to help with the pressure and movement


    I literally Broke down at work again. Omg they must be secretly fed up of me. I Asked to go on my lunch early as I just couldn’t cope. On my way out my manager stopped me and said I’m not gunna let you leave when you’re like this. (I was crying so much) sat in his office then another manager and supervisor came and I was just crying saying how much I wanna die, how embarrassing and that I can’t carry on living. Helped me calmed down and was asking if I’m taking my meds and said no I stopped it. So my manager came with me to my pharmacy to collect my meds with me and got lunch with me. Now I’m calmer and going back at 1pm. I was so close to doing something dangerous if he didn’t stop me. Can’t get a much more supportive work place tbf. Trying to have no drama at work with my mental health didn’t go very far
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie I'm glad they've given you another option!

    I don't think that's embarrassing at all, I'm just pleased to hear that they are supporting you through this! I don't think they're fed up with you, I think they're probably just worried or concerned about you, and want you to get better.

    I'm so pleased that you have people looking out for you at work and who genuinely seem to care about your well-being. Remember your feelings are valid, and even if they're not being expressed in the way you'd like, it's important that you let these feelings out. I'm really really proud of you!

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you! Actually had another break down at work ffs
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @shaunie Of course! That's okay! Emotions are complex and they're not always within our control, I just hope these feelings ease for you soon. Until then just know we care about you and will always be here for you <3
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