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I don't know how I can face my parents (TW: suicidal feelings)

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
in Home, Law & Money
I am afraid of my parents calling me. I cannot sort out my bank card, my phone and my degree. I am not replying to their messages because they will soon find out that I ruined my life. I cannot tell them I ruined my life. I will be forever guilty for how I destroyed my mental health. I don't know how I can face them. I think I need to die before them knowing what really happened. I am disgusting and I am a failure. I don't deserve to be here and waste food and drink on myself.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo

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    lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Hey @Kate_20

    Checking up on you,
    how are you?
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @lovemimoon I am drained. I opened up to my parents and had a good cry.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    KatKat Posts: 81 Budding Regular
    Hiya @Kate_20

    It's so understandable that you feel drained at the moment, it seems like you are going through so much right now. Sending many hugs your way. I'm glad you opened up to your parents and I hope this helped in some small way. Sharing how you feel is always a good idea because it means you don't have to face life on your own. Sometimes all we need is a good cry to let everything out and then start rebuilding again.

    You say that you feel guilty about your mental health and you feel disgusting and like a failure. Maybe try to treat yourself like you would treat a friend. If your friend was going through a tough time you wouldn't want them to feel like this. Try and be kind to yourself and understand that it is okay to struggle sometimes, for example doing a degree is not easy and you should be proud of yourself for trying.

    Also it is okay to ask for help. You could contact your uni or a wellbeing team about your degree as they are there to help you. And with your bank card and phone I am sure there is someone you can speak to that will give you some help. You don't have to deal with everything alone. That's why I'm so proud of you for opening up to your parents as you need to allow yourself to share your thoughts, feelings and problems with others is a good way to deal with them. You're never alone.

    I just want to add that you do deserve to have food and drink, these are not things that you have to earn. You deserve to eat and drink regardless of how your life is going.

    Remember we are always here at the end of the day if you need support <3
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    MaisyMaisy Moderator Posts: 627 Incredible Poster
    Hi @Kate_20

    How does it feel now that you have opened up to your parents and had a good cry?

    Sometimes we can expect the worst from others and feel that no-one will understand and worry that we will be judged, making a tough time even more difficult. But you shouldn’t have to hide and suffer in silence.

    Life can sometimes get overwhelming, whether or not we make mistakes, we may feel that it is entirely our fault and that loved ones will be disappointed in us. But we are all human and life very rarely goes to plan all the time. But that doesn’t mean that you are a failure, or that you are disgusting and deserve to die at all. Many of our problems can be resolved and if not, it can still help to talk about whatever is going on and realising that other people’s reactions often aren’t as bad as we worry or expect them to be.

    Take things one step at a time and you’ll get there <3
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @Maisy I am still drained but feel a bit better now. I feel guilty about making my parents worried. I really did not go through anything and I shouldn't worry them. I did not tell them about my suicide attempts but they treat me like I have an illness now. I feel bad about feeling suicidal though because I shouldn't feel like this.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,107 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Kate_20

    Understandable that you feel worried that you made your parents worry. However, they worry because they care and would rather you go to them when you are struggling. Parents are there to celebrate the good and support you in the not-so-great times. Sorry to hear you feel it changed how they look at you. They may just not know how to respond and need thinking time. However, if you need support in the meantime, please remember you always have us, Samaritans and Papyrus. I am still looking forward to the days when the sunshine comes back out for you :)
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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