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Am I making the wrong decision to come off meds? (TW: suicidal feelings)

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
edited September 2021 in Health & Wellbeing
I tried medication but my extended deadlines are really near so I stopped in order to prioritise my studies. My brain was not working when I was on meds. It felt even worse and I felt like my brain was not mine. I came off it and the side effects disappeared. At first I felt better when I did not experience side effects. But now I am not okay again. I feel suicidal again and I do not know if I can trust myself to resist the urges of killing myself. I don't want to contact the crisis team. I was okay when they called me earlier today. I don't want to call them all the time but do not actually end up killing myself. I feel like a liar. I am so disgusting. Nobody would want to see how messy my room is. I am a crying mess, I cannot keep friends. People will stay away from me. I need to get killed. I am just afraid that my methods won't work.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo

Comments

  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,298 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2021
    Hi @Kate_20,

    Sorry to hear you are experiencing a difficult time with managing your medication and studies. Have you contacted your GP? They are in the best place to support you with managing your medication. However, I would be more than happy to help you with balancing your studies in the meantime. If this is something you would like me to support you with, please just let me know and we can work something out. In terms of suicidal thoughts, please remember you can contact Samaritans or Papyrus. I have listed their contact details below, I hope this helps. I care about you, I believe you and I think you are a kind member of our community. You are not alone <3

    Samaritans (24/7):

    Call 116 123
    Email jo@samaritans.org

    Papyrus (2pm - midnight):
    Call 0800 068 41 41
    Email pat@papyrus-uk.org
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  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Hi @Kate_20,

    Sorry to hear you are experiencing a difficult time with managing your medication and studies. Have you contacted your GP? They are in the best place to support you with managing your medication. However, I would be more than happy to help you with balancing your studies in the meantime. If this is something you would like me to support you with, please just let me know and we can work something out. In terms of suicidal thoughts, please remember you can contact Samaritans or Papyrus. I have listed their contact details below, I hope this helps. I care about you, I believe you and I think you are a kind member of our community. You are not alone <3

    Samaritans (24/7):

    Call 116 123
    Email jo@samaritans.org

    Papyrus (2pm - midnight):
    Call 0800 068 41 41
    Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

    @Laura_tigger82 Thanks. I will consult them again. I do have problems with concentration.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Hello! <3

    Thank you for reaching out to the Mix, and I'm sorry you're going through a difficult situation. <3
    Everyone has different experiences with medication; some find it helpful, others not so much and that's okay! :3 As suggested, have you contacted your GP? Have you spoken to a doctor? When making this decision, it's important to consult with a doctor.
    I'm also aware of withdrawal symptoms so have a read about it here

    Hope it helps!

    How are you doing? <3
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    lovemimoon wrote: »
    Hello! <3

    Thank you for reaching out to the Mix, and I'm sorry you're going through a difficult situation. <3
    Everyone has different experiences with medication; some find it helpful, others not so much and that's okay! :3 As suggested, have you contacted your GP? Have you spoken to a doctor? When making this decision, it's important to consult with a doctor.
    I'm also aware of withdrawal symptoms so have a read about it here

    Hope it helps!

    How are you doing? <3

    @lovemimoon There was always a weird clicking sound in my head when I went on meds which was quite scary. Not when I went off. Yeah I talked to a doctor.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    @Kate_20 How did it go?
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    lovemimoon wrote: »
    @Kate_20 How did it go?

    @lovemimoon The doctor told me to quit cold turkey as I was on a low dose. But yeah I feel no side effect now. Just that my symptoms came back. Still want to be dead.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    I believe there is no solution to my problems given my circumstances. Side effects or symptoms, I have to endure one of them. None of them is good for studying. Side effects are worse.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    I'm so sorry you feel this way @Kate_20

    How are you doing?
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    @lovemimoon I am really not doing well. Spending days doing nearly nothing. And it is so hard to concentrate on the work that need to be done.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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