Asexuality

Former Member

I think I might be asexual. It's something I've looked into a lot recently.

I don't enjoy sex or really feel anything from it and I don't think I have any sexual feelings. I have a highly sexually active partner and I'm gonna be honest it drives him mad. I feel bad for him and I love him, I'm just not interested in sex or sexual feelings. I literally even feel uncomfortable with kissing.

I love hugging him but I just don't get sexually turned on by anyone or anything.

We do have sex (very rarely, can literally be 0 times a month) and I never initiate unless I'm literally doing it whilst sleeping - don't worry we're awake if we do anything.

I don't like to put a label on anything but I genuinely think I might be asexual and I just feel really bad for my bf. He's an absolute angel and I love him to pieces. He's so handsome and loving, I just really don't know what else to do.

independent_

Hey @Anch0r33 It takes time to figure these things out and it’s good to talk about it so well done for posting this here.

I have no personal experience of asexuality specifically so don’t have much advice,but have you spoken to your partner about how you’re feeling? I know it’s a bit cliche but communication is honestly so important and honesty makes all the difference. It’s usually better to talk things like this out rather than letting the feelings build.

You are definitely not alone, I’m sure someone with more experience will come along soon with better advice.

Take care, hope you and your partner are both doing well

Former Member

I really appreciate the response @independent_ I've mentioned it to him and he is really is really accepting, I just feel bad for him.

I hope others can come on and help but I'm not expecting much. Guess I just wanted a space to write it out

Former Member

@Anch0r33 I think it is important for you to explain to your boyfriend how you are feeling, even though you may love him and not want to upset him, he should love you for you. However, i understand how difficult it must be. Perhaps it may be good idea to try focussing on the non-sexual side of your relationship. Remember that especially in a culture that propels sex and where it is so prevalent, relationships do not have to be about sex. I hope this helps, good luck!

Former Member

@maryam852 thanks for this. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years now so it's definitely not new, I've spoken to him a little about it, he knows I don't enjoy sex. We live together alone so we see each other naked regularly - I'm just not super interested tbh in sex. But I love hugging him especially if we're naked. It just makes me feel super close to him.

He definitely loves me for me and I couldn't be more grateful for him

Thank you for your response, it's super reassuring

Former Member

@Anch0r33 I am sorry that is a really complicated situation, I cna understand why you have conflicted feeling about your boyfriend. I think the other commenters are right and having a conversation with your boyfriend is important. If you don't like sex then it could be an idea to talk to your partner about reducing it inthe relationship.But its also important to see what your partner thinks about this and potentially discuss other options for your boyfriend and his sexual needs. It all depends on what you want, if you are okay with having sex/sexual activities to satisfy your boyfriend or if you want to stop (because if you don't want to then you shouldn't), and then other way your partner needs could be satisfied if they want that.
I hope that you can work it out with them

AislingDM

I'm really glad to hear that your boyfriend is accepting of you and your feelings, as this can make processing your emotions a little easier. Equally, I know that sometimes people being so accepting can even leave you feeling a little bit guilty / feeling bad for him. But as has already been said, you definitely deserve to be honest with yourself about how you feel, and to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this! I can tell how much you care about him, because you feel so close and connected, as well as in how you show care and concern for his feelings, this really reflects how compassionate of a person you are I do hope you are able to find a process that works best for you after talking it out some more with him, because you truly do deserve to feel happy and comfortable in who you are!