email exchange, what do I respond?

downtherabbithole

me:
The previous time I tried to download something on netflix on my profile, you pretended that you didn't know what was going on, and then when I started crying, you admitted that set a passcode, that you would enter it, and that I should look away. Which didn't work.

You proceeded to go to your profile, and download from there. When I opened netflix on the ipod it was automatically on your profile. I coulnd't download anything. So you must have set a restriction on that account since then too

if you want to change this, you will need to go into your netflix settings

my mum: There are a number of untruths in this email. Correct them and try again. Thanks.

me:
the ipod isnt compatible w/ the latest ios netflix update
thats why netflix doesnt work

my mum: How about the accusations that you have made against me? Correct those.



She actually confronted me in person, telling me what my untruths were. It sounds reasonable on paper but it's a much different experience to have been spoken to the way she did to me. She said that she did not set restrictions, that it's a lie, and that obviously she will not tell me what the passcode is because she doesn't want memessing about w/ the settings

Literally nothing would download for any age range.

When I have ignored emails telling me to 'correct my untruths/lies/accusations//allegations', she confronts me in person and is not kind about it. I need a response by tomorrow . It doesn't help that what I have said is correct (the ipod not being able to update netflix is not the reason why, to some degree. she has set restrictions. I'm not sure if she's set restrictions on the ipod itself, it's possible) and she is asking for 'correction of the accusations' in writing to use against me in future if it ever comes up. she must always be right and if i think otherwise, well, she'll have something to say about it and she wont hold back. she'll shout at me and swear and call me names which makes me anxious and then she will demand me around doing jobs around the house when i want to sleep after using all my energy being anxious.

AislingDM

This sounds like a deeply stressful situation to have been put in @downtherabbithole ! Particularly as Netflix is so important to most of us, as it allows us to experience entertainment and to relax. I can tell that is's really essential to you to be able to access shows on Netflix and be able to download them to and this is extremely reasonable of you. Given how important Netflix is, and the fact that there is evidence pointing to restrictions having been set, it is understandable that you sent your mum this email about there likely being restrictions. It seems unfair that your mum is unable to understand why Netflix is important to you and that the idea of restrictions having been set without your knowledge is hurtful. You certainly do not deserve to be called names or sworn at by anyone, let alone your mum. You deserve to have a calm conversation about your worries and upset without there being such scary consequences.

Perhaps we could attempt coming at this from a neutral angle, in order to be able to ensure that you are able to download programmes and films in the future. We could try to recognise your mum's feelings 'I understand that it does not feel nice to be blamed for a problem that I am having with Netflix and that this must be upsetting for you. I do not want to hurt your feelings. [you may choose to apologise here if you feel that way, but this is not me suggesting that you should apologise by any means!] My first email that spoke about restrictions potentially having been set was born out of frustration and upset at being unable to download shows, especially as this is really important to me. Moreover, I have attempted to find reasons for why I cannot download programmes, however there is no answer to be found online. The only suggestion that I could see was that restrictions have been put in place on the account. I'd really like to work together to make sense of this and work it out, as I do not want to fight with you or for either of us to be upset.'

I'm not sure if this would 100% work for your situation but I do hope it can be of some use to you I really do hope you can find some peace and happiness with all of this, because you do not deserve to be treated badly xxx

AislingDM

Just checking in to see how you're doing atm @downtherabbithole Here if you need xx

downtherabbithole

Hi, your comment was a bit late and I'd already had to respond by then.
I just 'admitted' to my 'wrongdoings' and that was the end of it, but since it was over email the 'situation' has been recorded in writing, not the true events. It doesn't help that this is something that can be used against me in the future, and I'm not sure I'll remember what really happened at that point in time.

AislingDM

Apologies for missing you responding to your mum i completely hear your point, it being down in writing can feel extremely worrying when you know that people can use it against you. I'm wondering if you'd want to write down the true, and full, events in a diary or anything like that in order to have your own personal record? I really do hope you can find some peace x