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Conversations with my GF

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 42 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
in Sex & Relationships
Okay so basically me and my girlfriend have been dating for 4 months so it's still pretty new. I don't know if it's always been like this but in the last 2 weeks or so I've started to notice that i am always the one to start conversations. I know it's bad but I've been trying not to texting her (usually failing and sharing an anecdote or something ext) to see how long it takes for her to respond. That's most likely the reason i feel disappointed that she hasn't texted me.

It just doesn't feel like equal communication of me always having to reach out and i have a suspicion that if i didn't reach out we simply wouldn't talk for days. But whenever i start conversations we always end up talking for hours about many different things. I know she's probably just busy or has nothing to say, plus she's told me that she's bad at making decisions. To make it clear i don't expect her to talk to me 24/7 that would be absurd.

Things have just felt different lately and i don't know why. I feel like I'm just being overdramatic and over examining things as this is the first proper relationship both me and her have been in.

Any advice or different perspectives would be appreciated :)
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Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,103 Boards Champion
    Ironically, this issue of unequal communication is best addressed by communicating! Let her know how you feel about it - that way, you can understand why things are the way they are. She might not even realise it! Talking about problems like these and working through them together is exactly what makes these bonds grow stronger over time x
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @ForestWitch, I agree with Azziman here, although it can be tough to be totally honest and have a serious conversation, it’s much healthier for you than assuming anything. You may be able to see things from her perspective if you tell her how you are feeling - it sounds like you are being really reasonable and that you care about her and your relationship 💜 what do you think?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 42 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi @Lucy307 and @Azziman
    I'll try my best, I'm really bad at confrontation (even though this isn't technically confrontation) but we've both talked a lot about boundaries and being able to tell each other things which are bothering us. Hopefully it should go well if i'm able to do it. She did end up messaging me first last night and we had a really great conversation so my overthinking on that part has been quelled i believe.

    Thankyou for the advice it means a lot :)))
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 16 Settling in
    Hello <3

    I agree with what's been said previously that, even though it's ironic, you should definitely talk about this and express how it makes you feel.

    From what you've stated it sounds as though she isn't trying to avoid conversation or anything as you can speak for hours :) but also just sounds like she struggles in initiating conversation but once it has been initiated she really enjoys talking to you. I feel as though if you brought this up she may make more of an effort to initiate conversation but it may not be large change if it's something she finds difficult to do. However, if an effort is made it'll be amazing for you :)

    I hope this helps <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 20 Boards Initiate
    Hi @ForestWitch

    I hope things have improved since you last posted :)

    I totally agree with what is being said by the others on this thread, communication is key in this situation. I used to have a similar issue with my current partner, he never messaged first and it does sting a little when it becomes a regular thing. To overcome this, we set boundaries and told each other what our expectations were in the relationship so maybe you could try that with your partner? It might be that they are busy or are working etc and it just slips their mind to drop you a message. It doesn't mean they don't enjoy talking to you or don't want to put in effort, it could simply be that time slips away from them. From what I have gathered from the info you've posted, you sound like a very understanding person and willing to make this work and your partner sounds like they enjoy talking to you which are all great things.

    I think it is normal to feel like this and examine what is going on, as you say it is your first relationship so you are still learning. These things take time and communication

    I hope this helps <3
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