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I feel more like a male than a woman

Rose124Rose124 Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well

I’m really struggling with my gender identity at the moment. I really feel like a male more than a woman, I’ve always felt this way and it shows in everything I do, the way I walk, the way I talk, the way i sit and the way I behave. I also feel really comfortable when acting more ‘masculine’ or wearing more ‘masculine’ clothes like shirts and ties, and I feel like I’m not being completely true to myself when I wear female clothes. I have always described it as being a female with a male persona, and the male persona is who I dream to be and the female persona is who I am. Hopefully that makes sense, I would love to know if anybody has ever felt that way before. I’m gonna experiment with different names, different pronouns and wearing binders and wearing male clothes.

However I’m really nervous, as I have a boyfriend at the moment and he is straight so I wouldn’t know how to broach the topic and of course, I would want to be sure that the way I felt was for definite, and so I’m questioning it which is causing me even more anxiety rather than just accepting myself and loving myself for who I am. I am also scared about how my parents and family and friends would react to it too. They’re really comfortable with me being bisexual, however I just feel that if I had a different gender identity than being a woman, that would be a step too far. Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation? Or any words of encouragement would be really appreciated too.

Thank you for reading my rant

I hope you all have a lovely rest of your days.



  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 343 Moderator
    It sounds like you have loads rushing through your head atm @Rose124 , you must be feeling so exhausted by feelings of uncertainty, particularly about how others might react. Firstly, I just wanted to say amazingly big well done to you for being able to explore yourself and starting to think about what your gender means to you. This is often not an easy thing to do in such a ciscentric world! Secondly, whatever 'conclusion' you reach or do not reach about your gender is more than fine, there is abso no rush to 'figure' it all out and we will be here for you throughout your journey <3

    In terms of experiencing the same feelings, thoughts and behaviours as you, I completely get what you're saying (which is not to say my experience is the exact same as your or anything!!) about wanting to feel like you're being true to yourself and who you actually are. I think it's wonderful that you have come to this place of understanding about yourself =) Perhaps there is another member on here who will reply soon whose experience with gender specifically mirrors yours?

    Finally, in terms of wondering what others will say, I was in a pretty much identical situation to you in regards to family in particular, being bi was okay, but would ***gender*** be 'too far'?? For me, I think the most important thing to do was to attempt to gauge what people around me's opinions were on trans and gender non-conforming people to understand whether my safety was okay. If it becomes clear that friends/families/partners' opinions are feeling good and safe then it is all about when you feel ready. There is no rush to disclose to others any revelations that you have had about yourself, you deserve time to process your emotions, thoughts and any changes you might carry out (e.g., you mentioned wearing binders maybe :) ). Once you do feel comfy talking to people, maybe start with one person whom you trust a lot (e.g., a best friend or your boyfriend?) as starting with one person can feel easier than sitting everyone down in one room =)

    ultimately, I want you to know that I am beyond proud of you for your honesty, exploration and ability to speak your truth, as these can all be immensely difficult. We will be with you throughout, no matter what. I wish you so much peace and happiness in this life <3
  • Rose124Rose124 Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    Thank you so much for your comment @AislingDM. Your kind words really do mean a lot to me, I have recently come out as a trans masc to my close family and friends and they have all been really supportive which is so lovely, they are also starting to refer to me by my preferred name and pronouns which is amazing.

    It's awesome to finally be able to be myself, and i wish you all the best too with everything.

    Thank you again, hope you have a lovely day.
  • amesames Posts: 15 Settling in
    Hiya @Rose124

    Just wanted to say that I'm so proud of you for taking the time to explore who you are, and not shying away from how you really felt. It's so lovely that you finally feel like yourself, and I'm glad to hear your family and friends have all been supportive! <3
  • Knight1Knight1 The straight pathPosts: 23 Boards Initiate
    Your more masculine ‘mannerism’ (your walk, talk etc) and your inclination towards men’s clothing shouldn’t be a cause for concern or indeed a cause of confusion.

    A perfectly good expression exists for the ‘state’ you’ve described, and that is a “tomboy”.

    Not being a stereotypical woman or liking stereotypically female things or indeed not ‘behaving’ as women normally do is not a reason to believe you’re not a woman or that you were “born in the wrong body”. You’re therefore correct when you say that changing gender identity would likely be “too far” as your only basis for doing so seems to be that the ‘male’ gender, which more accurately ‘describes’ your mannerisms and interests, is more socially desirable.

    Instead, you should simply accept yourself for who you are which is a masculine or ‘tomboy’ woman. Entertaining the thought of gender identities is only likely to cause further dissatisfaction and confusion as no gender identity (including a male identity) fully encompasses or ‘describe’ the interests or behaviours of any one person. They’re merely generalisations or ‘stereotypes’.

    If your own body does not cause distress to you and your only concerns is how you’re perceived in relation to your female identity (which is what seems to be the case), then I would focus on building your confidence and accepting yourself.
  • Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜 Posts: 4,245 Community Veteran
    Hi Rose :)

    I just wanted to say I’m so proud of you for coming out as a Trans Masc to your close family , I know that’s a scary and difficult thing to do sometimes <3

    If your ever stuck or need anyone to talk to then you’ve got all of us here but also Switchboard and Stonewall provide a Helpline where you can ring and chat things through with people

    Again I’m super proud of you <3
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Rose124Rose124 Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    Hi everyone @Millie2787 @Knight1 @ames @AislingDM

    Thank you all so much for all of your suggestions, help and lovely comments. I really appreciate all of your comments - they mean the world. 😊

    Hope you all have a lovely rest of your evening.

  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 343 Moderator
    That is abso no worries!! You're doing so amazingly to keep us in the loop and share your experience with us =) I am beyond pleased to hear that close family and friends have been so receptive and are supporting you, because I know this can be a huge source of worry and concern.

    as @Millie2787 has said, we will always be here <3
  • CosmoCosmo Posts: 23 Boards Initiate

    I can see that a few months are passed, but I wanted to check out how are you doing at the moment and if something has changed in the last period.

    Gender identity is something that I haven't dealt with it, as I am a cisgender gay man, but I can relate to the hardest part, which is similar, to express the true you.
    Did you experiment with a different pronoun? How's it felt?

    The only advice that I'm feeling to give you is to don't rush up on things and situations, I know it could be frustrating and it is perfectly normal so don't feel like doing this big step yet. everything will work out, you're a beautiful human being!

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