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how lockdown affected friendships

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 29 Boards Initiate
in Sex & Relationships
hellu it's ren again lol,

kinda just wanted to vent and see if anyone had a similar experience with how lockdown changed their friendships (for better or worse).

i feel like lockdown has strained all my relationships badly. i cant hold conversations with lifelong friends or even eye contact with another person for longer than a few seconds before becoming uncomfortable and giving up. i have one specific person who i feel safe with and follow everywhere no matter what however i dont feel like this is a healthy way to deal with my people problem. it actually got to a point where i was so dependant i didnt think i should do this anymore so i didnt speak to her for 5 months to try break the dependency. this just ended up with me being alone everyday, panic attacks in school bathrooms almost daily and her feeling confused and kinda angry for abandoning her. flash forward to march, i sent her an apology text and im already back into the 'completely dependant' mindset after a month. shes the only person i trust but i know this isnt okay... shes moving away next year after all. my mum is pushing me further away due to my identity and i only have my 'person'.

this sounds silly now i type it out but has anyone else had a similar experience?

does this make sense? sorry

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Keep being you<3 Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @ren0420 Hey don’t worry it doesn’t sound silly I understand and I think it’s effected my relationships too so your not alone in this it is really annoying ❤️
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Heya! Lockdown has affected my relationships too and it made me reconsider my priorities. Even lost a few friends but that's another story.

    I believe I'm having a similar issue with a friend. I have been on both sides so here: Now, I used to be like that - most relationships I've had ended up having some kind of dependency and it affected my relationships one way or another. Over the years, I learned to get comfortable with people replying late, dead conversations, etc. I've also learned ways to cope independently when I'm in a very stressful situation.

    I have a friend I've known for years and they always comes to me when they have problems - in a way I'm their safe person (they have other friends). Now there's history behind this so I understand completely why they're worried. I'm not good with my emotions so I tend to disappear when I'm not feeling 100% but I'm learning to be honest with others about it. They're the opposite which is fine! I'm worried that there may be an unhealthy dynamic between us. I know what they want in a friendship and it's great! However, l also want them to be comfortable with me having space from time to time - that may mean inactivity from my side and it doesn't mean anything bad. <3

    I'm gonna say this - if you believe you've developed a dependency relationship with this person then it's best to talk this out with them and reconsider the type of relationship you want with them. Reach a compromise and work towards it. ^^
    I'm planning to do that tomorrow. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 29 Boards Initiate
    lovemimoon wrote: »
    Heya! Lockdown has affected my relationships too and it made me reconsider my priorities. Even lost a few friends but that's another story.

    I believe I'm having a similar issue with a friend. I have been on both sides so here: Now, I used to be like that - most relationships I've had ended up having some kind of dependency and it affected my relationships one way or another. Over the years, I learned to get comfortable with people replying late, dead conversations, etc. I've also learned ways to cope independently when I'm in a very stressful situation.

    I have a friend I've known for years and they always comes to me when they have problems - in a way I'm their safe person (they have other friends). Now there's history behind this so I understand completely why they're worried. I'm not good with my emotions so I tend to disappear when I'm not feeling 100% but I'm learning to be honest with others about it. They're the opposite which is fine! I'm worried that there may be an unhealthy dynamic between us. I know what they want in a friendship and it's great! However, l also want them to be comfortable with me having space from time to time - that may mean inactivity from my side and it doesn't mean anything bad. <3

    I'm gonna say this - if you believe you've developed a dependency relationship with this person then it's best to talk this out with them and reconsider the type of relationship you want with them. Reach a compromise and work towards it. ^^
    I'm planning to do that tomorrow. x

    Thankyou for the input!! good luck with trying to reach the compromise, hopefully i can figure out a way to do this too!! <3
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Just want to echo what has already been said @ren0420 , it makes so much sense for relationships to have changed, I mean, who could have predicted a global pandemic and its wide-reaching impacts? :( But, I understand that this does not make it any easier. Like you've been thrust back into having to have constant social interactions after losing so much time, it's no wonder that seemingly 'simple' things like keeping convos going with long-term friends have becoming difficult and I am sure this leaves you feeling anxious and confused. I am so grateful that you wrote about what is going on for you, especially given that this isolation and anxiety probably makes being vulnerable in this way even harder <3

    Ofc I'm glad you have a person who you can talk to, but I'm hearing that you do not feel this is a super healthy connection atm and that really is okay. Relationships are constantly changing from different states (e.g., like when people go off to uni you can become closer or lose touch) and in some ways this is relevant to your situation here, because it also reinforces how you can have a convo with this friend and see how your both feeling to understand if the current state of the relationship needs to change, as @lovemimoon has said :) I know that even a convo can feel pretty terrifying, especially as this is a person who you care about immensely and rely upon. I'm wondering, other than when you're with 'your' person, is there any time when you feel more at ease (even if you still feel somewhat anxious and uncomfy)?

    Also, I want you to know you truly do deserve beautiful lasting friendships and relationships which bring you joy and comfort. I wish this for you and support you wholly <3

    (I thought I'd link this article here too as well and feel free to ignore it but I thought some of it might be relevant to how you're feeling :))

    https://gal-dem.com/queeries-how-do-i-survive-loneliness-and-learn-to-lean-into-it/
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
    I can relate to the straining on relationships thing I think reading around and listening I have heard that the lockdown has affected the mental health relationship patterns of people or exaggerated avoidant tendancies and such. That's not to say some people have not benefited from the lockdown in their relationships either.

    I think things do change and evolve sometimes you have to move on especially if you do feel like something unhealthy then you dont need to stay or you could renegotiate things. Taking a break is a good thing but yea if you ar falling into the same pattern perhaps there is something more that can be done.

    I have had friends who I thought were close during this pandemic not talking to me much or at all as I cant meet them but yet talking more to friends by text that is further away. It's affected the nature of relationships a lot and I have felt quite hurt myself or feel like depending on someone too much and such. I think one thing that helps is getting talking to more people and such. I kinda had to pull away from a lot of the friends I used to talk to in my case and take a step back or a break because it felt repetitive and I felt I was being too much but finding others to talk to who enjoyed talking.
    But I think also finding ways to be happy alone and calm is important.
    I found that techniques from cognitive behavioural therapy are pretty good for feelings of panic or anxiety and challenging such thoughts that you have that are not so useful. Also being occupied with something else like a book or art or that helps me though ofc you don't want to use that to avoid your feelings and such just like to keep you interested and away from such things as a distraction.
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