Why do people get married still

Former Member

I think marriage is like harmful like its fixes you into a situation that is complicated to leave from.
I can get the whole tax benefits reason although I think it is unfair that unmarried couples and single people do not get them in the first place, and as well as that if you chose to have a huge wedding you will probs be out of money anyway especially considering the fact that they charge more for the same thing for a wedding than for a normal party.

Plus it normalises the idea that you cannot like more than one person (as well as the fact that things are unchanging) sure maybe it is not practical to be with more than one for most people (unless they are poly) especially with certain dynamics and struggles between the sexes but a little bit of openess is not bad imo or if you need to leave someone for some reason. I think that not being tied down to someone you are more ur own person and things like seperate finances legally speaking and more ability to resolve issues by walking away. It is like this relationship is held up as holy but what about other sorts of relationships that are non sexual or more open.

And I respect people's free choice to enter into such.
But there is a long history of people pushing others to get married as well as it being like the bride being given away and that. Maybe if you were so settled anyway or whatever I guess but it seems like most people don't know what they are getting into. I think it would make much more sense in the modern era that marriage benefits were like more spread out between lots of different seperate agreements, you shouldn't need one mega agreement for everything. Like child care should be a seperate issue to marriage. I'm talking particularly about state marriage here not necessarily religious which I think people can keep to themselves.

And I think many will disagree but yeah lol

Former Member

I completely agree! If you take a moment to think about the patriarchal roots of marriage then it does raise confusion that its still such a popular practice. Marriage is quite literally a woman of purity and innocence (symbolised by the white dress) being given away by her father to her husband - which is objectifying the woman and treating her as a means of possession. It suggests that her partner now 'owns her' and uses powerful social agents like religion and the family to generationally pass on these values.

Of course I too respect the choice of marriage, it just isn't for me. Interesting concept to think about though. It's fascinating to me that so few people focus on the foundation of marriage. It's constricting and demonizes monogamy, separation etc.
It makes divorce far more complex than separation should be, leaving people stuck in unhappy restrictive marriages, as well as preventing them from exploring their sexuality which is a perfectly natural and beautiful part of life.

Former Member

I also agree. I also think there is a lot of societal pressure to get married at some point in your life, but in reality I don't need legal paperwork to prove that I love my partner!

Skive

Because it a commitment to each other and it has economic benefits and offers financial protections for each other.

AislingDM

Again, such an interesting point (I appreciate making the distinction between religious vs. state marriages here too!). I defo see the points that everyone is making here (e.g., the patriarchal roots of heterosexual marriage and that some choose to make this commitment and it works for them). One thing that I think is apparent (at least in the UK) is that younger generations are moving away from the idea of marriage (and kind of associated, children) as a set 'expectation' of most people. I think this is cool because it takes away the idea that tradition = everyone should (like a prescriptive rule and to deviate somehow makes you a weirdo). I also defo agree that it is messed up how single/non-married people do not hold the same financial support

Skive

On average,m eople who are married live longer. Kids raised within a marriage do better on average.

There's no such thing as 'tradditional marriage' - as an institutionit has been in a process of constant evolution. It may have patriarchal roots but I don't see that as an argument against marriage in it's current form.

I wasn't overly fussed with marriage when I was younger. I highly suspect the peoples view on marriage often change as they get older.

JustV

Skive wrote: »

I wasn't overly fussed with marriage when I was younger. I highly suspect the peoples view on marriage often change as they get older.

I think there might be some truth to this. I could never get my head around why people get married either, and I'm still not sure how I feel about marriage itself, but I've definitely become less resistant to the idea over time. I'm not sure why, but there's something about settling down and getting a bit older that does make you reconsider things like this. At least, there is for me.

Former Member

Personally, I would like to get married. I don't believe that you HAVE to get married to show your eternal love, but I would really like to have a beach wedding!

Past User

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Former Member

I think it is important to raise the questions surrounding civil partnerships (a marriage of sort between non-straight couples) and why that is legally different to marriage. Furthermore, it may even raise questions as to why non-straight couples (which naturally do not adhere to heterosexual conventions and do not need to) engage in engrained heterosexual practices-marriages.