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Advice on anti-depressants?

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  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    edited September 18
    Thank you @ellie2000 How do you know if it doesn't work?

    Heey @Past User The 'Hi little goose' just made my day! :joy::3 Reading your experience, that must have been a very terrifying experience. I'm glad you're doing okay though. How are you finding your medication so far? <3
    That's interesting to read! Why would they mix and match them?
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    2nd August

    Two months it's been since I've started this!
    I'm aware that this thread is an open discussion about anti-depressants but I also thought it would be cool to update my progress from here.

    As @AislingDM suggested, I've been keeping a journal for the last two months.

    July has been slightly easier to get through but there are some side effects persisting:
    Trigger warning: mention of self-harm
    • Weight loss (Apparently, I've been losing weight)
    • Discomfort - crawling sensations, tension
    • Dry mouth & dehydration
    • Sleeping problems - fatigue, unusual dreams, drowsiness,
    • Agitation - aggressive thoughts & impulses, restlessness
    • Loss of appetite
    • Poor concentration
    • Headaches
    • Anxiety - paranoid thoughts which occasionally triggers hallucinations, anxiety attacks
    • Memory problems - confusion, forgetfulness
    • Dizziness
    • Thoughts of self harm & harming others
    • Sexual problems - decreased sex drive, discomfort, difficulty reaching orgasm
    • Feeling hot
    • Frequent urination

    In July...
    A lot of my dreams have been vivid and it relates a lot of my anxieties, fears and traumas. Having to experience this in an abstract manner has left me feeling overwhelmed and agitated. My sleeping schedule is slightly improving but given the nature of my dreams, it's also been hectic. I'm experiencing certain hallucinations for a short period of time.
    I've also noticed a pattern with my mood swings, noteworthy enough to call my GP about this and see if I can get reassessed. When I'm in my depressive state, I have this dull headache that lasts for a few days. It's a pain but it's manageable. I find myself slowly able to manage my negative emotions, in a way I would have struggled to do before and I'm kinda happy about that. There are still a few bumps along the way but it's all good. I feel like I'm dragging my body around through most days and sometimes, I feel as light as a feather. Even in those days, I still have enough energy to move around and do things adequately; something I've struggled to do a lot. My appetite's kinda messy and it's affecting my bowel movements, badly.
    My focus is slowly improving but I'm having issues with my memory; I struggle to remember what I previously did (it takes a while before it comes back to me).

    I believe there are more to this but it's the ones that have been common this month.

    So long story short: July's been rough but it's tolerable.
  • ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,324 Community Veteran
    ur brain is like a lock of a canal, pills make tht level smooth nd easier to travel over, so ur mood is stable. after a while the flood gates start to open as the level of one side of the water decreases so does ur mood, no sure if tht make any sense but thts how i see it
    Crazy mad insane
  • ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,324 Community Veteran
    edited August 2021
    if it decreases u need to go back to ur doctor, to put u on another dose or type of meds
    Crazy mad insane
  • ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,324 Community Veteran
    wen antidepressants stop working i say doomy stuff n cut
    Crazy mad insane
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    I love that you're keeping us so well-updated babe @lovemimoon !! I know that tracking emotions and behaviours can be such an arduous process at the best of times, let alone when you're struggling so immensely. Having so many intense side effects from medication that is meant to help you manage existing distress and pain must feel so exhausting for you. I'm glad to hear there is some degree of happiness (e.g., feeling proud of yourself for being able to work through some of the negative emotions - well done you!) but I know the overarching feeling is still frustration and, at best, toleration of another difficult month. Your ability to track what is going on for you so effectively is beyond helpful though as it allows you, us and doctors to see whatever patterns are emerging. I can see how hard you are trying and how committed you are to understanding what is going on in your mind and for that you are truly amazing. You mentioned talking to your GP about getting reassessed and I'd love to get an update on that whenever (if you feel up to it)? Overall, big hugs and love to you <3<3<3
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  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    I completely get what you mean @ellie2000 , meds can be so essential to us being able to function happily and manage our pain. Given this, it's no wonder you'd start to feel low and self-harm if the meds aren't working. I just wanted to check in, how are you feeling at the moment?
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  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    @ellie2000 That's understandable and I'm sorry you're struggling with intrusive thoughts and self-harm. How have you been coping? <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hi @lovemimoon ! :3
    I'm so glad I found this thread, because I can definitely contribute to this discussion 😂
    I was put on antidepressants when I was 15 (which was a fight to get hold of them!) because I was so mentally unwell and my parents didn't know where to turn. I'd just been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, came out of a very abusive relationship, had isolated myself; it was a terrible time.
    It took a while for the doctors to find a medication that worked positively for me- some made me jittery and anxious, but we finally found one that seemed to do good. I found that antidepressants really levelled me out- the highs were less high, but the lows were far less low. I was far more tired (needed at least 10 hours sleep a night) and I put on weight, but it was so worth it for just calming and slowing my brain down a bit.
    But medication alone was pointless; it was the therapy with it that was the perfect combination.
    7 years down the line now and I'm in a much happier place! I've been off my medication for about 3 months now, though coming off it was a very delicate process because I'd been on it for such a long time!😂 I've noticed that my sense of smell and taste and hearing all feel sharper than when I was on the medication, too!
    So long story short, they are definitely helpful with helping your brain calm down a bit, but I think therapy is equally as important along side it to build those new cognitive paths :3<3
    I hope this was helpful! :3
    With hugs,
    Meila <3
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Thank you @AislingDM :3
    I'll keep everyone here updated when I call the GP.

    To say it's frustrating is an understatement. :joy::sweat_smile:
    But I've been writing down my thoughts as well, just seeing what's been buzzing on my mind for the past few years, and the results are surprising. They seem random at first glance but there's pattern to it.
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    As of today...
    I just had my appointment with the GP.

    I explained that the patterns I've recorded are something I've gone through for a very long time but it was hard for me to notice as it was drastic and abrupt. Relayed the information people have told me about my behaviour in the "happy" stage and the "sad" stage, and he asked about my experiences during the stages.

    Afterwards, he told me that "happy" stage is something called hypomania or mania, and sometimes the side effects can worsen the episode. He asked if I wanted to change medication, and I refused. Whilst it seems like the side effects has elevated the manic episode(?), it's actually more manageable. As I mentioned before, my emotions have been muted/stifled. It's a pain but it's a blessing. :joy:

    The doctor suggested to bring this up in the review with the psychiatrist and see where I can take it from there. :3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 22 Boards Initiate
    Hey @lovemimoon, thank you for all of these great updates, I'm sure they're both helpful for you to keep track of your journey and helpful for those who may choose to take medication in the future. It's brilliant to see that you've been able to keep track of your moods to present to the professionals so that they know how to best help you, I hope your next appointment goes well! Take care :)
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Hi @melia

    Thank you so much for sharing with us!
    You've been through a lot and I'm so glad you're in a better place now! <3
    Sending lots of hugs and support!

    That is true! A combination of medication and talk therapy goes a long way!
    You've been off your medication for three months now! What's it like living without antidepressants, compared to being on it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hi @lovemimoon
    Yes Ii have been through quite a lot!
    I think my emotions have a lot more of a reign now- a freedom- kind of like a dog on a lead scenario!
    It's so ironic that you speak about episodes of hypomania, that's exactly what I had! <3 And yes, the antidepressants can help calm it all down to a more manageable level; can definitely be so helpful! I'm so glad you see how they seem to calm down a little on antidepressants! To continue with the dog analogy, its like the dogs are music slower or on a shorter lead!

    Looking forward to following you on your journey! :3
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    It's beyond impressive that you were able to be so honest with your doctor @lovemimoon !! I'm curious, do you feel that hearing this information from the GP has clarified some of your experiences?

    I'm glad to hear that you've thought about the pros and cons of changing meds, sometimes whatever makes certain symptoms easier to manage is the way forward. =)
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  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    @AislingDM
    Thank you! :3

    It has clarified my experiences, and gave me a new way to approach it.
    It's just so stressful, all of this. It's like there's always one thing coming up after another and nothing seems to slow down these days.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    I 100% get what you're saying, like it's this constant stream of stress and pain for you. It's no wonder you're feeling so exhausted. Are there ever times where you feel at peace? <3
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  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    @AislingDM
    I think so, but in an unfortunate way.
    It's when I go emotionally numb or I guess, disassociate? I'm not exactly sure what terms to use here so correct me if I'm wrong.
    I haven't found a healthy method to keep me at bay.
  • AislingDMAislingDM Moderator Posts: 1,666 Extreme Poster
    Yeah, I completely hear what you mean, when the feeling is more a sense of numbness it might not be the sense of 'happy' or 'joyful' peace that can make you feel better and more able to process your mental health needs. Sometimes locating a 'healthy method' that 'works' is really really hard because we are all so different and something that one person might hate could be a perfect fit for you. Plus it's beyond reasonable to want more than just to be able to cope, you deserve to know a sense of relaxation and ease. I wonder what things you might have tried that you disliked less than others? (e.g., my go-to for trying to calm myself is watching a TV show I have watched a thousand times, whereas if I listen to sad music I will certainly make myself feel worse and worse. Learning this about myself has been really helpful, maybe we can try the same with you <3 ).
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  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    2 months and 5 days

    Since I've started fluoxetine.
    Things have been...difficult? Overwhelming?
    A lot has been happening since then and I've been going through a cycle of emotional crashes.
    Needed to take some time off to figure out what the hell was going on at this point. :joy:
    My sleep pattern's slowly improving but I'm still experiencing vivid usual dreams.
    My appetite's going through an 'on and off' cycle, and it's slowly taking a toll on my health again.
    I caught the flu (great timing) and there are various factors playing into this.
    My social life's slowly getting back on track but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with a lot of things. I'm still keeping track of the medical journey, and I have a separate journal for my emotions.

    Some side effects are lingering:
    Trigger warning: mention of self-harm
    • Discomfort - crawling sensations, tension
    • Dry mouth & dehydration
    • Flu symptoms
    • Sleeping problems - fatigue, unusual dreams, drowsiness,
    • Agitation - aggressive thoughts & impulses, restlessness
    • Loss of appetite
    • Poor concentration
    • Anxiety - paranoid thoughts which occasionally triggers hallucinations, anxiety attacks
    • Memory problems - confusion, forgetfulness
    • Dizziness
    • Thoughts of self harm & harming others
    • Sexual problems - decreased sex drive, discomfort, difficulty reaching orgasm
    • Feeling hot
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Friday.
    I didn't take fluoxetine and it was hell.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @lovemimoon Thank you so much for keeping us updated! How has Fluoxetine been for you?
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