Tough Times and Friends

Former Member

At the moment things are not great for me, school and family life particularly. But most recently I've had to do a lot of thinking about my friends.

I'd like to preface this by saying: my friends are all great people and I know they're all capable people who could go great places, however, I understand like me a few of them could be having a difficult time at the moment with school and things I don't know about.

Recently my mental health has taken a turn for the worse and certain quite dark thoughts have began creeping in but I never thought it was too bad since I've always been told "life will get better" and "those sorts of thoughts are short term while their consequences are long term". So when I made a vague sort jokey about these feelings a friend picked up on it, noticing the serious side of things; they asked me aside to talk to them and explain it. After talking to them about it, I realised my mental health was a lot worse than I thought (it's part of the reason why I came to the Mix).

Being the great people and friends they are, they began checking up on me in a way that made me feel like they felt obligated to check up on me, taking part of the responsibility which is my mental health. Now as I adumbrated in my preface - they may very well be having issues of their own and so to put any sort of weight on their shoulders would be wrong and extremely selfish.

So a couple of days ago I decided to cut them off, pretty much. I just felt so overwhelmed from everything else going on in my life and then on top I felt guilty for telling them about how I was feeling despite knowing how they may be in a bad place as well.

I don't know what to do, they've checked up on me a few times but I just don't see any way of letting them go without making them worry about me.

I want to remain friends but I just don't know what to do.

Isaac

Former Member

Hey Isaac

I’m really sorry to hear things aren’t great for you right now. Would I be right in understanding you want to cut your friends off because you don’t want to feel like a burden to them, and you don’t want them to worry about you?

It sounds like they are trying to support you - have you tried talking to them about why you feel this way about getting their support? Or asking them whether there is anything they would like to share with you too?

You are deserving of their help just like they are of yours - it sounds to me that they are just trying to look after you 😊

The dark thoughts you are referring to, have you ever spoken to someone outside your friends / family about them, if not maybe we could help you find the best place to start - can be really useful to talk through with someone. We’re all here to listen and support you too. Take care

- Lucy

Former Member

Hii Isaac

Things seem tough for you at the moment I really hope you really feel better soon I just want you to know that taking a break from people isn’t a bad thing because then you can focus on yourself for a bit and put things right but I would suggest you tell them that you will just be taking a break from talking to anyone but reassure them that it’s nothing personal just tell them you want to focus on yourself ❤️.
Have you thought about going to speak to a doctor about things 🥰
- Alina

Maisy

Hey @Past User

It sounds like your friends care a lot about you. You might think that they are checking in on you out of an obligation, but they are doing it because they care. Right now, in the world we are living in, life is definitely more difficult than what it was before the pandemic, and many people face difficulties in their lives that we may not be aware of. But just because others might be going through things (unless we know for sure, then they might not be) that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve help and support from your friends. It’s not selfish at all.

It’s understandable that if you haven’t felt like you’ve had much support in your life, that you may find it overwhelming suddenly having supportive friends checking in on you. And it’s also understandable that since you are struggling with your mental health, that you are also aware that others might be struggling with things too. But perhaps, rather than cutting off your friends, you let them know that you feel guilty about talking to them about your mental health when you feel concerned that it’s not fair on them or that you worry they are also struggling with things too. Friendship works best when everyone is honest. For example, if you told your friends how you are worried that your friends might also being going through a difficult time, then your friends should let you know for sure whether that’s the case or not, and if they are going through a difficult time, to let you know that, while they might not always be able support or help you if they themselves are struggling, they will try their best, if they can. Just because others might be going through stuff, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get support from them or even elsewhere (such as here on The Mix!)

Your friends will be concerned about you but that shows that they care and that they too, value your friendship and want to remain friends. If the checking in feels overwhelming to you, then you could thank them for checking in on you but perhaps ask that they check in on you a bit less because you don’t want them to feel like they have to check in you all the time? Let them know that you still want to be friends and you appreciate them checking in but perhaps with less of a focus on your mental health (it’s good to get a balance where you can talk about your mental health with your friends but also that your friends can do things with you that you enjoy doing to take your mind off things a bit too!) But it’s also important that you don’t cut yourself off from your friends or that you completely stop talking about your mental health since they want to help you and I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to be struggling with things on your own either!

And remember that The Mix is always here for you too! 😊