Mental health and questions I have trigger warning ⚠️

One-in-a-million

Trigger warning suicide

Firstly I want to ensure you that I am safe and well. I am with family and have no intention of harming myself in any way.

But my head has been so messed up lately and the thoughts of dying crossed my mind again.. before it was the thoughts of how I’d do it, where, when etc and I kind answered those questions myself.. I knew/know what I’d do bla blah blah but like I say I’m in a better mindset recently so I don’t want to nor will I be doing anything. That being said the thoughts of whats if has been in my mind particularly the what if’s if it was to go wrong. So far no one has given me answers. I understand some answers would be different for everyone but some I’m sure there is an answer to but I don’t know it.

These questions are ones no one can answer

What if I change my mind half way through?

What if I was to die while someone is trying to save me, would I fight?

What would people think?

What would people do?

These are questions that I feel have answers but no one will answer or point me in the direction of an answer.

If I changed my mind and went to A&E would they have to inform someone?

Would they try/make me stay in hospital?

If so how long for?

Would someone have to monitor me for X amount of time?

If so how long for?

Would I loose my job? My job means the world to me.. if I was to try something so final and survive would they want to get rid of me for being unstable? I work in a nursery and I know if I did (I WONT) try to take my life obviously I wouldn’t be able to do my job but if I survived would I loose it for attempting? Or is there some sort of law that protects me?

Past User

Hey @One-in-a-million , sounds like you had a lot on your mind when posting this? I'm really glad to hear that you're safe but this is still quite heavy thoughts for you.

When you say that no one will answer your questions, i'm wondering who you've asked and whether they were able to offer any support?

I agree that the answers would be different for everyone and I think that the questions you have is a good way to keep yourself safe too because if you have doubts, i imagine you'd be less likely to act on your thoughts.

With the questions re: hospital. Ultimately, i guess they will just want to do what they can to ensure that you're safe. I think that if you're over a certain age though you still have a right to confidentiality and so they wouldn't inform someone like a family member without permission (i think).

There are wards that people sometimes have to stay on when they're a risk to themselves so they do sometimes make people stay in hospital for their mental health. How long they keep you in for would depend on how long you're a risk to yourself.

You might find some answers on this website here


I don't have answers to your questions but hopefully someone can come along and help you out. I'm really glad that you're not planning on acting on any thoughts though. We all want you to be safe and well

Riley

It's honestly a little difficult for me to answer your questions @One-in-a-million especially since you asked so many but I think it's important to bear in mind that if anything did happen to you, whether by accident or intentionally, the people in your life and any medical professionals you deal with are just going to have your safety and health at heart.

For example you asked if you would need to be monitored afterwards, I imagine people around you would want to keep a closer eye on you just to make sure you're doing alright and are healthy after such an experience.

As Liam said I'm glad you're not planning on acting any of your thoughts but if you ever need to talk about what you're going through or need more urgent help the boards are here for you.

Lucy307

Hey @One-in-a-million , glad to hear you are safe and don’t have a plan to hurt yourself. From what you’ve asked, it sounds to me like you know that ultimately your suicidal feelings won’t last forever? If so, hold onto that if you can 💜

How are you doing now, I know it’s been a few weeks since you posted?

Stephanie

Hey @One-in-a-million

Just wanted to send you some hugs

We're all here for you. How are you doing today?

One-in-a-million

Hey guys thank you all so much for replying I’m sorry I haven’t responded sooner.

@Liam thank you for replying, I have been doing well on and off since then I’ve bee on a up but recently going down again. When I said no one will answer I meant If I was to ask people I don’t think they would answer... I asked an ex manager who first off wanted to see if I was ok and then said it’s tricky one because as a manager they have a duty of care to me and in her eyes sacking me wouldn’t be helpful but she wasn’t sure if they could use safeguarding the children as an excuse. But I haven’t questioned it. I guess it’s strange thinking about the what if’s because obviously I have doubts but I’m also afraid of what would happen if it didn’t work out and the consequences it could have.

@Riley Thank you for replying I guess it’s more the fact I’m afraid of the consequences of things going wrong as well as doubting I could do it anyway..I’m doing a little better recently. I’ve been having some recent issues in relation to getting an appointment with my therapist but I’m sure I’ll sort it out.

@Lucy307 Thank you, I think you’re right I suppose deep down I know or at least think that it won’t last forever so I need to keep pushing. I’m feeling slightly better now to be honest with you. I’m still having good and bad days but it’s better than being as low as I have been.

@Stephanie
Thank you so much hugs are really appreciated at this time hope you’re well

AislingDM

It makes so much sense to be wondering all of these things @One-in-a-million. Wondering about the 'consequences' or what would happen after is perfectly understandable. What-ifs can cause us a lot of stress and make difficult feelings even worse, and so, it was really awesome of you to write this post and share with us, I know opening up in this way is not always easy.

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better lately! I'm here if you'd like to share some more today