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A couple of updates

awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys

Its been a while and I'm still here thankfully but I thought I'd let you know what I've been up to

So basically after my last post I took a break and during that time I also quit Tik Tok because I thought it would be easier to distance myself from any social media that would cause me to feel worse then I already do I'm keeping it just in case I change my mind but that probably wouldn't be for a while I'm trying to give myself a fresh start you know what they say, New year, New me I still haven't talked to family or Friends or gfs about how I've been feeling mainly cause of my social anxiety Ik I shouldn't really have it with my family or gf but I'm definitely taking baby steps into restarting as I like to call it my life in a way that I can bet on working.

I think the hardest part of all of this is what I've lost, before all this drama happened with my ex and before I lost a friend who used to be an inspiration to me but has ended up being a person I never want to talk to of see again it's a shame really because he was pretty cool and then he got a new gf and practically kicked me to the curb and a few other friends of mine who he's known for years before he even knew me and it's because of his new gf that he won't talk to them cause he promised her he wouldn't talk to any girl other then her I told him myself that girl probably isn't the right girl for him but he doesn't listen so if anything goes down well I tried to warn him innit?

I think my relationship is alright now it's been a pretty rocky one with me constantly worrying that I'm ruining it and you know not making it feel like a relationship I keep telling myself it's my fault well it's not really it's neither mine or her fault I think it's just getting used to it being the way it is honestly if it makes her happy I'm happy

Also all this stress that I'm causing myself isn't really doing me any favours because I've been having really bad migranes and there's the lasting question in my brain should I harm myself or not? I've got a lot of worries and regrets that will last a while and I've generally been took over by all this depression and this site has kind of been like a break knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way but I'm trying to improve on my social anxiety a bit more have you guys got any ideas?

I'll be frequently posting more during this week about a lot more fun and interesting things so you guys can look forward to that!

Also do you guys have like anymore advice on relationships? We haven't talked in a while but I feel like there's more I need to prove to her I'm just not sure what so could you help me ? Id really appreciate it

Comments

  • MaisyMaisy Moderator Posts: 627 Incredible Poster
    Hey there,

    Thank you for updating us!

    It can be very helpful to take a break from social media, especially if we are prone to comparing ourselves to others and their lifestyles and then feel unhappy about our own. It's more than okay to feel anxious about opening up to family and friends about how we are feeling. Even though they care for us, it's natural to feel anxious when opening up and being vulnerable. But it sounds like taking small steps is definitely a way to go for you :)

    Sorry to hear about everything that you have lost. Change is never easy and it sounds like you've hard a difficult time of accepting that a close friend is no longer in your life. Sometimes, when people get into relationships, they can become consumed by the relationship, and may find themselves distancing themselves from their friends. This happens and sometimes friends can come back when the relationship is less 'new and shiny'. But it sounds like your friend's girlfriend may not trust your friend much if she doesn't want him to talk to girls. She has no right to tell him who he can and can't have contact with. Unfortunately, it sounds like your friend is doing all that he can to stay in the relationship with her- even if that means cutting contact with his friends. It's good that you tried to talk to your friend about his relationship and let him know that his girlfriend might not be right for him, though it's sad to hear he doesn't appear to be listening. Is it worth sticking by him? He may find out in time that the relationship isn't working for him and that he might realise he no longer has many friends.

    It's good that your relationship is okay, even if you doubt yourself and worry about ruining it. Sounds like you might have low self-esteem and perhaps you don't feel good enough to be in a relationship and then you worry about ruining it, which may only create more feelings of anxiety. Remind yourself that you are good enough, just as you are. I'm also wondering what you mean by as long as your girlfriend is happy, you are happy. What about your own happiness? How do you feel in the relationship? You are right that sometimes when problems crop up, it's neither your nor her fault. But it's important to look at how you feel in the relationship and whether things are working for you as well. If you feel unhappy, maybe you could gently approach your girlfriend so that you can work together to get your needs met too.

    When we are stressed, we might notice physical problems too, such as migraines. But the stress and migraines is not worth harming yourself over. This stress won't last forever, and things will get better, in time. It's good that this site has given you a bit of a break and made you realise that you aren't alone. Social anxiety can be difficult to deal with, but it can help to remember that our thoughts aren't necessarily true- they are just thoughts. For example, if you worry about people judging you, remember that people are often focused on themselves and not others, so it's unlikely that anyone is judging you. If you are anxious about talking in public, for example, at the checkouts or ordering food, it can help to rehearse what you want to say in your mind and then just go for it. The more you do it, the easier it will get. It's also good to surround yourself with supportive people in your life too. If we are anxious, but spend time with people who are critical and judgemental, we may feel worse about ourselves, then if we spent time with positive and supportive people instead. We have an article on coping with social anxiety https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/anxiety-ocd-and-phobias/coping-with-social-anxiety-29093.html that you might want to check out.

    I'm wondering what you mean by feeling like there's more you need to prove to her? Why do you feel this way? Being in a relationship should mean being accepted for who you are. You shouldn't feel like you have anything to prove to her at all. You also shouldn't change who you are for a relationship to work either.

    Hope this helps a bit <3

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  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Hi @Maisy

    When I said as long as she's happy I'm happy what I meant was I'm happy to be with her of course I just mean it makes me even more happy that she's happy because I like it when people are happy it makes me smile if their upset I'm upset I just really care about people it might not always show but I always do and when I said I feel like there's something I need to prove to her I think it's my low self esteem cause this is the longest relationship I've been in and since I expect relationships to end in a couple of weeks or days cause that is what I'm used to I'm just not so sure what to do when it lasts longer then what I usually expect so I think I'm just not sure what to do if that makes sense

    And the thing with my friend is I can't do much since he moved away and what's funny is about a little while before that he was fine he was normal and then she came in and it's like oh your my friend and all but I'm gonna treat you like this because you deserve it or something like that i really don't know and also what I didn't mention before was my girlfriend who was also his friend asked if she could have his insta and I asked and then he just pretty much went off on me and her and then I can't really explain it but I think that's what started that me asking him I more or so blame him more then I do her cause it's hot really her fault and I feel really bad for her not myself her I care about her a lot and seeing that it just really upset me
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