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Feeling overwhelmed by little things

Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here

Hi Happy Tuesday! I’m just getting some things off my chest. I’m doing really good lately. The people here have helped me more than I can put into words. Always happy to listen if you ever need anything.  :)

Warning this is just a moan. I just feel like I have a mental itch I can’t scratch, I thought this would help.

I’ve always tired out quickly when interacting with others. I love listening to others but i get to a point where my brain shuts off. Even at home I occasionally take a break because I find conversations with my parents too much. I’ve been even worse lately, It’s not that I don’t want to talk it’s I feel like I physically can’t. I read messages over and over but my brain just feels empty. (Writing this out took a few days lol) Listening is the hardest, I try so hard to remind myself to listen in live lessons that I don’t listen at all.


Noises bother me too. Velcro and chewing always has, I spend most time listening to music to tune it out. it’s silly. Even more things bother me lately, sneezing, humming, people talking to me when I don’t expect it. It sends a spike of anger through me. I’ve been quite intolerant lately, I’m not great to be around. I’m not good with touch anymore either, I don’t like being tapped on the shoulder or accidentally brushed against (not great when you live with a toddler who likes to tickle or run around the living room) . Clothes constantly feel uncomfortable too, even my own hair. I’ve considered shaving it off a few times but thankfully mums here to stop me. I just feel permanently uncomfortable. 


And when it comes to doing school work I just sit at my desk staring into nothing, time passes way too quickly.  Some days it’s like I’m blinking away the hours. My work is slipping a lot , I have course work due soon. I know I’ll get it done I’m just worried it’ll be awful. Everyone else has been submitting work as they go along and getting it marked over the past few months, I was having a rough two months and did nothing. It was silly of me. Consequently none of my work has been marked and it’s too late to ask. It’ll be fine , I just needed that off my chest.


My other subject chemistry isn’t going great, I don’t have a clue what’s going on. I can’t ask the teacher he hates me. I’ve asked loads before it hasn’t really paid off, just makes him more grumpy. I don’t blame him I’m a big of a lost cause when it comes to chemistry. My friends have a little study group and often do the questions together on a zoom call. I never join, I wouldn’t bring anything to the group I’d just be leeching off them. I’m just going to give it everything I’ve got but it’ll be a miracle if I pass. I don’t care about university too much but I’d like to pass. 


I feel out of place lately. I’m not having negative thoughts about myself like I used to but I do feel embarrassed. I had a few months where I was at my lowest everything was too much then over two weeks ago it just stopped. I don’t know why. It’s been nearly three weeks of feeling fine, and I feel so angry at myself for how I acted before. I feel fake. I know it’s normal to have good and bad periods. But every time I smile I think about all those times I cried and took support and my brain just screams “you’re a fraud” at me.


Sorry for the long moan. I’ve just felt like I’ve been floating lately, like my minds somewhere else. I hoped writing it all out would help. 

TW 

I’m self harm free, I’m not sure how long. It’s not something that’s crossed my mind until I came across a draft I never posted.   I’m really doing better  :)


Grounding exercises help a lot with uneasy feelings but when my mind drifts i can’t really think of anything properly. I’m not sure what I’m asking for. Im ok, I’m just thinking. And  I wanted to apologise too, I came here when I was in rough place and as soon as I felt better I stopped helping others. I’m hoping once I get out out of this strange head space I’ll be able to work on my listening skills. I’m sorry. 


Take care everyone. You’re all awesome beautiful people. <3

Comments

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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Hey, sending massive hugs <3

    You have nothing to apologise for. You deserve the support as much as anybody else and just because you’re feeling better now, that doesn’t mean you’re a fake. It’s ok to need support in those moments where you’re struggling to cope, and even if you felt better 10 minutes later, that wouldn’t make that support need at that time any less valid.

    It’s always ok to rant here and I hope it helped writing this here and getting it all off your chest. 

    I don’t have much advice for you I wish I could help more but I’m always here if you need anything <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Thank you Elle that means a lot  :)

    You’re kind words help a lot. Big hugs <3
     
     
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    MaisyMaisy Moderator Posts: 627 Incredible Poster

    Hey @SpaceOtter

     

    Glad to hear that you feel everyone here has been supportive of you!

     

    I totally understand about needing breaks from socialising, even with messages. It’s hard to be ‘on’ and listening properly all the time, whether that’s in person or online, and there comes a point when we feel we just can’t take any more socialising. It’s okay, and healthy, to take a break and have some alone time when you feel you need it.

     

    Feeling permanently uncomfortable with various sensory things sounds difficult. I think when we feel stressed we may notice certain things that might not have bothered us before and that can impact on how we react and how others respond to us. It might help to find ways of managing how you feel and the sensory things equally. It might also be an idea to let others know how you’ve been feeling, if you haven’t already, just so they realise that you are struggling with certain sounds and touches but that it’s not personal. It sounds like listening to music is your go-to for preventing the noise from getting to you, and that sounds like a good way of dealing with it. I’m wondering if you notice if there are particular materials of your clothing that bother you? Maybe you can try swapping them for materials that you don’t mind the feel of? Similarly, while shaving all your hair off isn’t an option, maybe you can perhaps have it cut a little shorter?

     

    It must be really difficult trying to do school work in a lockdown. It’s not the same as before a lockdown and I can really relate to trying to get work done only to find yourself staring into space and not having done much at all. Worse, if you have deadlines approaching. Perhaps you can try to create a routine and see if you can get a bit of work done each day? Think about what time e.g. morning/afternoon/evening, before or after other activities, might be best for you to focus on your work. I’m also wondering whether your teacher(s) knows you have been having a rough 2 months? It might help to explain how you’ve been feeling and perhaps they might be able to give you more time to get work in or they might make some allowances to mark your work?

     

    Chemistry is tricky! I’m sorry to hear that you can’t ask the teacher….is there another teacher you can go to instead? If not, you might want to try to ask your teacher for help….even if he gets grumpy, it’s his job to help you and at the very least you are being proactive in trying to get help! As for your friends, maybe you can ask to join in the next study session? It doesn’t matter if you feel you don’t know much….you won’t be leeching as they are all there to learn as well and if they are your friends then they shouldn’t mind you joining in!

     

    It’s hard feeling out of place. It’s also difficult when we go through good and bad periods. When we feel bad, it can feel very bad and then when we feel good, we may feel embarrassed about the bad period. But there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Bad times don’t have to last forever or be extremely bad in order to actually be bad for us. You’re not fake and if you needed support, try not to beat yourself up for it.

     

    It’s really good to hear how you are self-harm free and doing better these days 😊 Grounding exercises are good too though sometimes nothing beats getting your thoughts out. I’m wondering how long you have been experiencing the sensory difficulties and feeling out of place feelings? And whether or not something might be behind these feelings? I know for me, growing up, I thought I was just anxious and depressed having been bullied, but I didn’t realise that I might also be autistic. I’m not saying you are, and I can’t diagnose since I’m not a professional, but some of what you wrote reminded me of a younger me.

     

    You don’t need to apologise for writing this thread and I hope that it helped clear your mind a little bit. You don’t need to help others in order to be deserving of support here either. You are free to come and go as you please.


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    sailingswallowssailingswallows Posts: 68 Boards Initiate
    hi, Have you looked at sensory processing disorder? and sensory diets to try and help the sensory issues?
    ge
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Thank you @Maisy for your very kind response  <3  Sorry for taking so long to respond.

    Cutting my hair shorter is definitely a good idea. As for clothing I think I’ve worked out what materials bother me since avoiding them I’m doing a little better. My parents try their best to be understanding but sometimes they can a little annoyed by it all. But you’ve given me some really amazing advice to help.

     We have to follow our usual time table for school which helps a little. I just struggle to keep focused for a full hour. But making my own time to do more work before bed might help. I’ve gotten so much help from teachers  already I feel bad asking them for more help. I think my course work will be ok, it’s just a little concerning since it’s the  subject I intended to do at university.

     I think asking my friends would be the best option for chemistry. Thank you I felt bad about asking but your words helped ease my nerves.

    I guess I’ve struggled with sensory things for as long as I can remember it’s just gotten gradually worse overtime. It’s definitely something I need to look more into . 

    Thank you again, I really appreciate your reply. Hope you have a wonderful day  :)


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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hi @sailingswallows thank you I’ll definitely look into that. Hope you have an awesome day. Thank you again  :)
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