jealousy

Former Member

hi guys! i’ve had a boyfriend for a month now and i love him so much but i can’t stop myself from getting jealous over the tiniest things. we’re long distance and i’m jealous of couples who can physically see each other. i get jealous of others my age who are engaged, married or parents / parents to be (i’m 17). i get REALLY jealous when another girl compliments my boyfriend or seems to have a crush on him. our relationship is perfect but i can’t stop myself from getting jealous of other couples and other girls. he doesn’t want to have kids or get engaged or married until after uni and i wanna do all that stuff while we’re in or just out of uni. it’s not putting a strain on our relationship because i only wanna do whatever makes him comfortable but i still get really jealous!! any advice?

Former Member

oh and i’m also really angry about the fact that i’m still a virgin at 17. people who have lost their virginity young always tell me to wait for the right time but i think this is the right time but it won’t happen until i meet my boyfriend...

Former Member

@Past User I was in the same position as you and honestly it is really hard because I keep thinking about if I’m good enough for him and if his cheating on me and all if that but sadly the relationship ended because apparently he said it was annoying because I kept wanting him to reply quicker because it normally took him 4 hours and half the day was gone then I said do you want to call instead he said no I have strict parents I can’t and he ws always busy and then he got a bit angry because I wanted him to reply quickly and now his full on blanking me. My advice to you is see if he can ring you sometimes and make sure you tell him how you feel and if he can’t put in the effort to ring you or spend time talking to you then I don’t think it will work out in my option because it never worked out for me but like everyone says everyone is different so have a chat with him about how you feel and see how it goes and I’m sorry you feel angry about being a virgin at 17 still maybe after lockdown you two can meet up and see each other then it would be like every other couple:)  ❤️I hope this helps x

Maisy

Hey there,

It's good that you recognise you experience jealousy and would like help with this. Even though jealousy is often thought of as a negative emotion, it can teach us a lot about ourselves.

I think it's understandable that being in long distance relationship could be a catalyst for jealousy. It makes sense that you'd feel jealous that other couples get to be together and you can't. Have you talked to your boyfriend about having a time frame for when you can eventually be together in person rather than long distance? It might be a while (for example, a few years), especially if you both have other commitments in the future, such as university. But if you talk about it, then you could either work towards it or re-consider whether long distance works for you (and it's okay if it's not for you!)

I know that at 17 you feel quite mature and it can be difficult seeing other people getting engaged, married or having children. But jealousy can make us realise that we are looking outside and comparing ourselves to others when really we could be looking inside and thinking about what we already have or could work towards. The same goes for virginity, there's no rush to have sex just because other people (and some people might be lying) claim to have already lost their virginity. In the grand scheme of things, 17 is still quite young to be thinking about getting married and having children...there'll be plenty of time in the future and it may be easier to do things when you are financially independent. I'm just wondering why you want to do these things while in university? It can be stressful enough working on a degree let alone planning a wedding or preparing for a baby.

It makes sense that you'd feel jealous when another girl compliments or has a crush on your boyfriend. But remember that your boyfriend chose to be with you and that he is continuously choosing to be with you!

Try not to compare yourself to others and when you feel jealous, just remind yourself of all the good things you have with your boyfriend and that you'll have plenty of good things to look forward to in the future as well