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Might be a TW⚠️

Hi Guys 
Before I start I just want to let you all know if you don’t want to be triggered this probably isn’t going to be nice to read also feel free to ignore if you don’t want to feel overwhelmed 🥺

So as some of you know what happened about last night I felt really rubbish and to be honest I still feel the same it just feels like I’m worthless pathetic what I’m trying to say is I don’t think I deserve the people I have now I don’t deserve anyone and I deserved the pain on my arm last night.
last night I kept thinking I wasn’t worth living anymore everything just goes wrong I mess things up with people a lot. I just had enough and I’m fed up of everything I annoy everyone every time I lose friends I ruin things so much and I’m so selfish to people 🥺
The only reason why I didn’t kill myself is because I thought if I did that I wouldn’t be able to see the people I care about or speak to.
Just to let you guys know I am definitely not looking for sympathy I genuinely  feel rubbish then I have been before
Every morning now I actually feel so tired of everything 😓.
I’m really sorry if any of you got triggered yesterday from my posts ❤️🥺

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Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    @Emoji246

    You have nothing to be sorry for <3 we are here to support each other. You’re lovely and are very supportive to people. You do not deserve to be in pain. 

    I am very glad you’re still here Emoji246 and many others will be too cause we like having you here and those other people care about you too. 

    I know you don’t want sympathy. I hate sympathy too sounds likes it pity.  But I’ll give you some empathy <3 which is different. Sometimes I fee so awful and no one understands how awful I feel and sometimes I just want someone to believe how bad this feeling is as it feels Unbelievably bad sometimes. So basically I just want to say I empathise with you and here you <3 it’s horrible <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey Alina you’re an amazing person and we all care about you. You’ve helped so many people here, we’re always here if you ever need anything  <3

    You certainly don’t deserve pain and I wish I could take away all the hurt. I wish you could see that you deserve nothing but kindness and support. 

    When I get overwhelmed with negative thoughts talking here always helps, it helps me see clearer and learn to be kinder to myself. So keep reaching out and talking to us, we’ll always be here for you. Big hugs Alina. 
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie @SpaceOtter Thankyou guys for your nice words I’m here for you both if you need anything 🥺❤️
  • SciFi_456SciFi_456 Posts: 131 The Mix Convert
    @Emoji246 Hey Alina, you don't need to apologize to us, I promise. I'm really sorry you feel this way and we worry about you alot.

    You've been amazing to this community and you're very kind and caring and we really care about you. I hope your arm is ok now and that you are ok. Always remember that you're never alone. ❤️❤️
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    😔
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    We're here and we care about you so much Emoji. Would you like to share what's on your mind tonight?

    Sending huge hugs your way! <3
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,611 Legendary Poster
    Hey Emoji I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so low, here if you want to chat <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Liam I hate night time 😭
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    I'm hearing you pal. Is there a reason that you hate night time? @Emoji246
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Liam I can’t sleep I think I’m going to die in my sleep 
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    That sounds awfully terrifying.  I think I'd hate night time if I had that fear too! What's making you fear dying in your sleep?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 2021
    Do you know what brought on that fear @Emoji246 ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey Alina big hugs, here if you need anything.

     I hate night time it often leaves me trapped with my thoughts. It might not help but here’s some things I’ve tried in the past to help settle my mind
    - listening to podcasts (a wonderful recommendation from some of the lovely users here)
    -making bracelets (the ones you plait out of wool or string, there’s some good YouTube videos on how to make different styles)
    -watching films I used to love when I was younger (Disney films are especially comforting)
    -talking to a friend, or simply sending each other gifs or memes 
    -writing stories (they’re the cheesiest  things you’ll ever read but they’ve helped me a lot)
    -reading books 
    -watching uplifting videos on YouTube (the channel random acts of kindness is really good)
    -or talking to childline or Shout
    -writing things out here.

    Here if you ever need anything, big hugs. We all care about you Alina you’re a beautiful soul and we’re incredibly lucky to have you here.  <3
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Liam  @Shaunie I don’t really know why I started thinking it it’s really annoying 🥺
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @SpaceOtter Thankyou for that❤️
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    @Emoji246 It sounds intense, perhaps you'd benefit from sharing it with someone like mam or your gp perhaps so they can help figure out what caused such a scary thought?

    Alternatively, When i'm feeling stressed at night i like to listen to some sleep meditations on youtube. Sends me right off to sleep with a clear mind :) 
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Liam I don’t tell my mom these things because she never understands but I’ve told my gp 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    I know the doctor said they would refer you to somewhere else - have you heard anything about that or know where referred you to? 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie I still haven’t had the phone call yet and I think I’m still on the waiting list he said he will refer me to the mental health team.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Emoji246 said:
    @Shaunie I still haven’t had the phone call yet and I think I’m still on the waiting list he said he will refer me to the mental health team.
    Oh that’s good! How do you feel about that?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,611 Legendary Poster
    I’m really glad you’re being referred to the mental health team Alina, it sounds like you’re having a really hard time right now. 

    In my experience, the mental health team phoned me around 2 or 3 weeks after I was referred, to assess me. So if yours is anything like mine, you should hear from them in some way relatively soon <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie I feel ok about but I feel so fed up when it gets to night time now I dread it 
    @independent_Yes I hope it’s going to be anytime soon because I can’t keep not sleeping properly also ages ago I phoned pause for help before but the lady wasn’t very helpful 😔
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    I hope it’s soon too! Did the docto give any advice on what you can do to help in the meantime? 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie No not really he just asked me are you eating well like all of them questions and then he said ok I’m going to refer you to the mental health team.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Ah I see. Have you tried mindfulness ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    edited January 2021
     @Shaunie Yes the only thing that really helps at the moment is music ❤️
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Aw that’s a good distraction!  How was your day in general today? I hope was better than yesterday 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    Well I felt a little bit better when it was during the day  it’s just mainly at night when it’s really late and I can’t get to sleep properly then I get fed up ❤️.How’s your headache @Shaunie
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Aw yeah. So frustrating:( and still bad but a bit better thanks <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    I’m really fed up 😔
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