No interest in sex because I’m depressed

itsquietuptown

I’ve been feeling really low recently, more than I have for months. I feel guilty about it because I’m currently living with my boyfriend while there are lockdowns etc, and for the first time ever my low mood is causing me to have no interest or enjoyment in sex. Previously when we didn’t live together, when I got to see him it would lift my mood and I’d be able to have and enjoy sex. Now that we’re together all the time and my mood isn’t so affected by seeing him, I’m not at all interested in sex and the most recent time we did it I didn’t get much enjoyment out of it. I’m on a waiting list for CBT treatment with Italk, but I have no idea when I’ll get it. I try to look after myself and do meditation and yoga, but my mood is still very low. I don’t know how to make it better, and I feel guilty that I’m not having sex with my boyfriend. I still love him and I’m glad that I’m with him, but I feel like I should be happy and guilty that I’m not.

awesomeminecraft6789

Hi @itsquietuptown I am truly sorry to hear that your feeling down 

Even though I'm with someone as well I can't say I've been through what your going through but do you think you could tell me why you feel so down about this? Do you think it's maybe due to the fact that your pretty much together all the time since you live together?

I can't give you much advice on what to do with the sex but maybe that's something you could discuss with him and why you think that you've Lost interest? I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but you shouldn't feel guilty about losing enjoyment of sex yes it's one of the main parts of relationships but you should do it when you feel like you can but I'd still recommend discussing this with him could you do that for me?

Regardless of whatever is next for you guys I truly hope it goes well for you I mean that 

I'm here if you ever need to talk just pm me if you need to talk I'm here for you 💯❤️

Best wishes

independent_

Hiya @itsquietuptown I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling so much lately. I’m glad you’re talking about it and we’re always here to listen to you. 

Depression (and if you’re on any, the medications used to treat it) can have a huge effect on your sex life. I know I’ve found it can be a struggle sometimes and my partner and I don’t live together. I’d say best thing really is to treat the underlying cause e.g. the depression. Do you know how long the waiting list is for the therapy? And if you’re on any antidepressants it’s definitely worth speaking to your GP about it because a lower sex drive and difficulty enjoying sex is a side effect of pretty much all of them. But the GP can help.

Is your boyfriend understanding? I’ve found that having an understanding partner really helps. You could try talking to your boyfriend, tell him how you’ve been feeling - this can help with more than your sex life. 

I hope you get the help you need soon and that you feel better, take care of yourself  

natds

Hey @itsquietuptown I'm really sorry to hear about your situation but I can definitely relate.

Like mentioned in other replies tackling depression is the main goal, however I know that the waiting list can take a very long time so I can only empathise with your situation. I can totally relate to the feeling of guilt when not wanting to have sex, or as often as you used to, but trust me when I say it is completely normal and you shouldn't feel guilty for it! The world is going through a tough time right now and everyone is suffering in different ways. My main advice on feeling guilty would be to have an honest chat with your boyfriend and explain how depression can cause lack of interest. If you wanted to you could point him in direction to some articles online explaining the reasoning behind this, just to show that it is completely normal and happens to a lot of women.

I know that things might not change for the time being, but there are things that might help. As you guys live together I understand the excitement of seeing each other isn't there anymore, however, have you thought about doing things that bring the romance into the relationship again? Depending on the restrictions on where you are things might be different, but you could look into booking a place to go out on a date. Or, if you dont feel like leaving the house you could do a pretend 'outing' and get dressed up for a dinner at home, play some board games, or things that you guys enjoy doing together. Try to do something different and things that will bring you guys even closer, although I know it won't fix everything, it might just help!

I hope you feel better soon and I'm sending lots of hugs!

laviniavd

This is so understandable but I'm so sorry you're going through this ):
I wonder if you'd be able to maybe take some time away from him? This is healthy and its normal to lift your mood when you see him, which is maybe what you need? I'm not sure if Covid will affect your ability to do this?
I also want to say please don't feel guilty I know its easier said than done but it's important to know that you don't owe anything sexual to anyone if you don't want to or aren't in the mood, I hope this can help with the guilty feeling.
I hope you feel better soon, genuinely.

Ed_

Hey @Laviniavd - This is a really lovely post and some lovely supportive ideas The only thing we would say is that it is quite an old post and the general rule of thumb is to let old posts to stay in the past. It may be for example that the original poster doesn't want to be reminded of how things were for them in the past. It's easily done though and not something to worry about, this is just a little nudge to have a quick scan of when the last post was sent before replying. If it is a topic you think should be discussed on the boards, we would encourage you to start a new thread as this means the original posters won't get notifications.

ellie2000

sex usually lifts ur mood according to scientists