Freezing up and panicking

Dancer

Yesterday (4th December) it was a really hard day for me especially during my English lesson.

I kept on worrying about my mum as something happened to her on Thursday and I was worried that she was in a lot of pain or might end up in hospital. As a young carer, there is that extra worry about the person that you care for as you just want them to be safe and happy. My English teacher noticed that I was upset and struggling to focus. From the way that I was feeling, she knew that it was more than me being stuck on a task and that something was bothering me. She asked what happened and I told her about what happened to my mum and that it was worrying me. She allowed me to send a text to my mum and I got a reply later on which reassured me. 

Later on in the lesson, my English teacher asked me to explain to 2 classmates who had been absent from previous lessons due to self isolation about what we had to do as they didn't understand and hadn't read the poem until that lesson. I tried to explain and then I just froze up, my chest was feeling tight and my heart was racing. I wanted to hide under the table and I couldn't find any words to say anything. It felt like I was having a panic attack but I didn't want anyone to notice because I didn't want to be a burden or concern anyone. The teacher noticed and she came over to me (socially distanced) and asked if I was okay and what happened. I told her and she understood and instead she just explained to the whole class about what to do. It was embarrassing that I just suddenly froze up and had a panic attack.

Not got any diagnosis of anxiety but my student support officer is aware that things have been going on to make me go panicky and it makes my chest go tight and affect my breathing so my student support officer has sent an email to staff to see if there are any teachers that have been through anxiety who could help me with coping mechanisms as I am showing signs of anxiety. Not sure what to think about it all.

I only feel able to trust 2 of my teachers (my English teacher and one of my dance teachers) because they understand me and don't pile a lot of pressure on to me but instead just encourage me to come out of my comfort zone. But I don't know what to do.

Sorry. It doesn't help that loads of thoughts race through my mind telling me that I am ugly, stupid, irrelevant, worthless and that I will never be as good as anyone else. I always want to be perfect but I freeze up very suddenly. My classmates think that I am rude and annoying when I don't talk to them. I want to feel able to talk to people but I can't find the words to talk about my mental health and I feel like everyone would just judge me and think of me as the weird person. Sorry if that came out in the wrong way.

Zen

@Kasa2103 I used to get panic attacks in school almost everyday, I didn't make it through a lot of my lessons and spent most of my school life in therapy. I know it's not easy but having someone to talk to is great.

You mention about your mum and its great you care about her. I imagine as a YC that'd evenmoreso, what kind of things do you do as a young carerer? 

Past User

Hi kasa I hope your mum is ok. It sounds like you had a very overwhelming week. I’m not an expert but it does sound like anxiety and hopefully now school will be able to give you the support you deserve but remember we’re always here for you 

Kasa you’re a beautiful soul and I hope one day you’ll see how amazing you are.  

Kasa we all go through our own individual  struggles and it’s often hard to open in about them. But you are doing amazing Kasa by talking to your mum and us. Also I promise no one will think you’re weird, we all go through our own battles in our lives and we all deserve help with them. Admitting you’re struggling is nothing to be ashamed of. 

You’re amazing Kasa, we’ll always be here for you  

Dancer

Thank you. My mum is okay and the moment and she is asleep right now. I feel tired but struggling to relax and get to sleep. Sorry if it seems like I am just seeking attention.

@Eleanor It depends on how much pain my mum is in but usually involves sorting out her medication, helping her to get dressed, changing any dressings that she might have and other stuff. Many young carers do different things and not all young carers help with physical aspects. Some are there to help younger siblings if the parent has an addiction. Some provide emotional support. 

Past User

Kasa you have nothing to apologise.You’re an individual who’s struggling and is reaching out for help, that’s an incredible and brave thing to do Kasa. 

It sounds like you’re a big help to your mum Kasa. I don’t know what you’re going through or what it’s like to be a young career but I’m always happy to listen. You’re not alone 

Sometimes when I can’t relax I find it helpful to write everything out and then listen to music as a distraction or read a good book. We’re here if you need anything Kasa. 

Zen

@Kasa2103 Aye I'm familiar with what a young carer is, I was just curious as to what it looks like for you. As you say, it's different for everyone.

What usually relaxes you before you go to sleep? 

Dancer

I like to snuggle up with my teddy bears but sometimes thoughts race through my mind and stop me from getting to sleep.

Zen

@Kasa2103 What kind of things are you thinking about before you go to sleep?

Dancer

School

Zen

@Kasa2103 That's understandable, perhaps try some mindfulness before bed or reading a nice book. 

You mentioned about not being able to find the words to say how you're feeling. On here and in chat you do that pretty well so perhaps you could use something you have written down. 

What kind of support do you have for being a young carer, does your father or siblings help out at all? 

Dancer

Thank you. My dad does not help out at all which causes my mum a lot of stress. My sister sometimes helps out. My other siblings just don't care.

Zen

Have you spoken to anyone else about this e.g. school or another sibling or your father? They might be able to get some support in or could take up some of the role

Dancer

I'd rather not. Sorry. 

Zen

That's okay Kasa, how come? 

Siena

Heya Kasa. How are you doing today? 

I hope the school can help you in some way with those anxiety symptoms as it’s so horrible to deal with. Struggling to breath feels really scary and frustrating. I understand the feeling of feeling rude for not speaking to people cause of feeling anxious. I do that at work with staff. I think people either think I’m rude or very shy or just anti social. I overthink too much. Do you know any coping skills that you could try to use? 

I hope your mum is doing okay too