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I'm (maybe) back

Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster

I'm really scared to post this (like honestly, it's-affecting-my-physical-state kind of scared). I'm not sure it's the right decision. I keep changing my mind, so I've told myself I'll log on just to post this and that I never have to come back if I don't want to.

I haven't been on here in ages, and I think I might want to try coming back again. I'm in a really bad place. It's the worst I've ever been. It would take ages to explain and I don't feel comfortable talking about it, I'm scared of accidentally breaking the guidelines anyway, but long story short, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown. Starting at the beginning of the year, I've developed health anxiety that's completely ruling my life, hell, I don't have a life outside of it now. My depressive mood is very bad too, as bad as last year or maybe even worse than.

Like I say, I'd rather not talk about it all right now, but the reason I came back to write this is just because I'm lonely. I never interact with people at the moment except my immediate family due to my mental health. I don't feel up to socialisation, but at the same time, feeling on my own isn't helping me either. This place seems like the least intimidating way to get a bit of interaction as I'm familiar with it and know you're all nice. So although I'm hesitant, I think it may be worth a try to just make this post to say hello and log on again whenever it feels right - whether that ends up frequently, just occasionally, or even never. I'm definitely not able to meet people in real life right now, and trying out any other online sites feels like a huge amount of pressure.

It's my birthday tomorrow (I'm turning 16) which is what prompted me to log back on today. I didn't even want to be alive to have to go through it. There's no way I can make it okayish, never mind special, but I still don't want to feel deserted on top of everything else.

I very well may just post this and not log on again. I don't want to put any more pressure on myself than necessary, I just wanted to take the first step by announcing my possible return and give myself the option to come and go as I like.

I really hope I'm not unwelcome and if I do feel up to it at any point, I'd love to chat with you all :)

Kate x

SienaJustV*BananaMonkey*Salix_alba_2019DandelionPast UserPast UserAzzimanAnch0r33StarlightMel_


  • DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,356 Old Timer
    Welcome back! It is lovely to have you come back on to The Mix again. You are very much welcomed here. <3
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 4,981 The Mix Elder
    Warm welcomes back, @Kathleen07!

    Like you said, absolutely no pressure to be here any more than you feel is useful. It sounds like you've taken healthy control over that, which is awesome. Good for you. :) 

    Really glad you felt able to post and that we could be a potential sanctuary for you in what sounds like a pretty rocky year. Health anxiety can be paralyzing, let alone with depression also.

    There will always be a place for you here. :) And a friendly reminder that, even if you decide not to post again, it shows real strength that you came here and shared this today. You did a good thing.

    PS, nice one on making it to your 16th! I know there's pressure around birthdays for them to be special and fun, but sometimes just being here is the achievement, and that's okay. :star: 
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Welcome back 💕
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Hey its lovely to hear from Kathleen, you'll always have a place here at The Mix even when you're away too😊 Have a happy 16th just incase I don't get to say it on the actual day 🎊
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,412 Legendary Poster
    heeeeyyyyy @Kathleen07 it's great to have you back here but as the others have said theres no pressure at all. Happy birthday for tomorrow! It's mine on Saturday, I always remembered you because your birthday was so close to mine <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Thank you all so much! I wasn't expecting such a fast and warm welcome, but it was lovely to see :heart:

    And happy birthday in advance @independent_ :)

    Everyone's kindness really did make a difference, no matter how small or temporary. I'll probably sound like I'm saying this for pity (I'm not) but I was actually crying... yet again... around the time I saw your posts, and they were a source of comfort :heart:
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,301 Skive's The Limit
    Lovely to hear from you. Have missed you. But yeah no pressure. You put yourself first and do what’s right. I hope things haven’t been too bad <3

    Happy birthday <3 I hope today is kind to you 

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,356 Old Timer
    Happy Birthday @Kathleen07
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hi it’s very nice to meet you.   :)
    Hope you have a wonderful Birthday. 
    It’d be lovely to see you here but there’s no pressure, you need to do what is best for you. 
    I wish you a very happy day  <3
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,715 Extreme Poster
    Glad to have you back! :) and Happy birthday, hope you had a great one!x
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Thank you all :heart:
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Community Champion Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl

    Ahhhhh I'm so glad to see you again. I missed you! 

    I'm soooo sorry if my messages have overwhelmed you lol, I know you said you saw the notifications but please don't feel obligated to read them all. 

    I'm always here if you need me and you can always drop a pm when you feel ready. 

    I'll try and find some of those pics I promised you not too long ago <3 
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  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Welcome back, take all the time you need and don’t feel any pressure being here. Big hugs 💜💜💜
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Mel_Mel_ Posts: 554 Incredible Poster
    Welcome back and nice to meet you :)
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