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I'm (maybe) back

Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster

I'm really scared to post this (like honestly, it's-affecting-my-physical-state kind of scared). I'm not sure it's the right decision. I keep changing my mind, so I've told myself I'll log on just to post this and that I never have to come back if I don't want to.


I haven't been on here in ages, and I think I might want to try coming back again. I'm in a really bad place. It's the worst I've ever been. It would take ages to explain and I don't feel comfortable talking about it, I'm scared of accidentally breaking the guidelines anyway, but long story short, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown. Starting at the beginning of the year, I've developed health anxiety that's completely ruling my life, hell, I don't have a life outside of it now. My depressive mood is very bad too, as bad as last year or maybe even worse than.


Like I say, I'd rather not talk about it all right now, but the reason I came back to write this is just because I'm lonely. I never interact with people at the moment except my immediate family due to my mental health. I don't feel up to socialisation, but at the same time, feeling on my own isn't helping me either. This place seems like the least intimidating way to get a bit of interaction as I'm familiar with it and know you're all nice. So although I'm hesitant, I think it may be worth a try to just make this post to say hello and log on again whenever it feels right - whether that ends up frequently, just occasionally, or even never. I'm definitely not able to meet people in real life right now, and trying out any other online sites feels like a huge amount of pressure.


It's my birthday tomorrow (I'm turning 16) which is what prompted me to log back on today. I didn't even want to be alive to have to go through it. There's no way I can make it okayish, never mind special, but I still don't want to feel deserted on top of everything else.


I very well may just post this and not log on again. I don't want to put any more pressure on myself than necessary, I just wanted to take the first step by announcing my possible return and give myself the option to come and go as I like.


I really hope I'm not unwelcome and if I do feel up to it at any point, I'd love to chat with you all :)


Kate x

SiobhanMike*BananaMonkey*Salix_alba_2019DandelionPast UserPast UserAzzimanAnch0r33StarlightMel_

Comments

  • DancerDancer Bog Off Justine! Community Champion Posts: 6,471 Master Poster
    Welcome back! It is lovely to have you come back on to The Mix again. You are very much welcomed here. <3
    I'm a fruit loop. 🍊➰

    There's a part of me I can't get back.  A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same.
    Kathleen07
  • MikeMike Community Manager Posts: 4,098 Community Veteran
    Warm welcomes back, @Kathleen07!

    Like you said, absolutely no pressure to be here any more than you feel is useful. It sounds like you've taken healthy control over that, which is awesome. Good for you. :) 

    Really glad you felt able to post and that we could be a potential sanctuary for you in what sounds like a pretty rocky year. Health anxiety can be paralyzing, let alone with depression also.

    There will always be a place for you here. :) And a friendly reminder that, even if you decide not to post again, it shows real strength that you came here and shared this today. You did a good thing.

    PS, nice one on making it to your 16th! I know there's pressure around birthdays for them to be special and fun, but sometimes just being here is the achievement, and that's okay. :star: 
    Taking a break 🌈
    Kathleen07
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsCommunity Champion Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Welcome back 💕
    Kathleen07
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Posts: 1,429 Wise Owl
    Hey its lovely to hear from Kathleen, you'll always have a place here at The Mix even when you're away too😊 Have a happy 16th just incase I don't get to say it on the actual day 🎊
    Kathleen07
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandCommunity Champion Posts: 7,875 Legendary Poster
    heeeeyyyyy @Kathleen07 it's great to have you back here but as the others have said theres no pressure at all. Happy birthday for tomorrow! It's mine on Saturday, I always remembered you because your birthday was so close to mine <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Kathleen07
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Thank you all so much! I wasn't expecting such a fast and warm welcome, but it was lovely to see :heart:

    And happy birthday in advance @independent_ :)

    Everyone's kindness really did make a difference, no matter how small or temporary. I'll probably sound like I'm saying this for pity (I'm not) but I was actually crying... yet again... around the time I saw your posts, and they were a source of comfort :heart:
  • SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,450 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Lovely to hear from you. Have missed you. But yeah no pressure. You put yourself first and do what’s right. I hope things haven’t been too bad <3

    Happy birthday <3 I hope today is kind to you 

    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
    Kathleen07
  • DancerDancer Bog Off Justine! Community Champion Posts: 6,471 Master Poster
    Happy Birthday @Kathleen07
    I'm a fruit loop. 🍊➰

    There's a part of me I can't get back.  A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same.
    Kathleen07
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Literally just got here
    Hi it’s very nice to meet you.   :)
    Hope you have a wonderful Birthday. 
    It’d be lovely to see you here but there’s no pressure, you need to do what is best for you. 
    I wish you a very happy day  <3
    Kathleen07
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Community Champion Posts: 1,270 Wise Owl
    Glad to have you back! :) and Happy birthday, hope you had a great one!x
    Kathleen07
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Thank you all :heart:
    independent_
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Community Champion Posts: 1,188 Wise Owl
    Kathleen!!!! 

    Ahhhhh I'm so glad to see you again. I missed you! 

    I'm soooo sorry if my messages have overwhelmed you lol, I know you said you saw the notifications but please don't feel obligated to read them all. 

    I'm always here if you need me and you can always drop a pm when you feel ready. 

    I'll try and find some of those pics I promised you not too long ago <3 
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    Kathleen07
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,127 Wise Owl
    Welcome back, take all the time you need and don’t feel any pressure being here. Big hugs 💜💜💜
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
    Kathleen07
  • Mel_Mel_ Posts: 288 The Mix Regular
    Welcome back and nice to meet you :)
    Kathleen07
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