I'm (maybe) back
I'm really scared to post this (like honestly, it's-affecting-my-physical-state kind of scared). I'm not sure it's the right decision. I keep changing my mind, so I've told myself I'll log on just to post this and that I never have to come back if I don't want to.
I haven't been on here in ages, and I think I might want to try coming back again. I'm in a really bad place. It's the worst I've ever been. It would take ages to explain and I don't feel comfortable talking about it, I'm scared of accidentally breaking the guidelines anyway, but long story short, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown. Starting at the beginning of the year, I've developed health anxiety that's completely ruling my life, hell, I don't have a life outside of it now. My depressive mood is very bad too, as bad as last year or maybe even worse than.
Like I say, I'd rather not talk about it all right now, but the reason I came back to write this is just because I'm lonely. I never interact with people at the moment except my immediate family due to my mental health. I don't feel up to socialisation, but at the same time, feeling on my own isn't helping me either. This place seems like the least intimidating way to get a bit of interaction as I'm familiar with it and know you're all nice. So although I'm hesitant, I think it may be worth a try to just make this post to say hello and log on again whenever it feels right - whether that ends up frequently, just occasionally, or even never. I'm definitely not able to meet people in real life right now, and trying out any other online sites feels like a huge amount of pressure.
It's my birthday tomorrow (I'm turning 16) which is what prompted me to log back on today. I didn't even want to be alive to have to go through it. There's no way I can make it okayish, never mind special, but I still don't want to feel deserted on top of everything else.
I very well may just post this and not log on again. I don't want to put any more pressure on myself than necessary, I just wanted to take the first step by announcing my possible return and give myself the option to come and go as I like.
I really hope I'm not unwelcome and if I do feel up to it at any point, I'd love to chat with you all