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Stammering

Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
edited November 2020 in Health & Wellbeing
Hey guys!

A few weeks ago my English teacher asked me how best she could support me with my stammer. We ended up having a really long conversation about it, and I found out that she didn't know much about stammering at all. She's awesome and was really open to finding out more but the whole conversation got me thinking about stammering and the fact that it's not really spoken about much. So I just wanted to write this wee somethin' somethin' about stammering and how to support someone who stammers.

What is a stammer?
A stammer is a speech impediment which sometimes makes speaking incredibly difficult. Someone who stammers might repeat sounds (li li li liam), they might make sounds longer (llllllllliam)  or their words might get blocked and no sound comes out at all. The severity of a stammer can differ from person to person, day to day, or sentence to sentence. Sometimes I can speak fluently for hours upon hours and then suddenly I'm stammering again or totally unable to speak.  
People might stammer more when they're excited, tired, stressed out, feeling under pressure, self-conscious, or rushed. Talking on the phone can also be very difficult and therefore can cause a person to stammer more. Stammering isn't caused by stress or anxiety however stress and anxiety can make a stammer worse.

Can it be cured?
Sometimes stammers go away by themselves or with the help of speech therapy however, if stammering carries on into adulthood it's likely here to stay forever, although this is not always the case.  There is no cure for stammering however there is therapy/counseling which can help people to accept their stammers and the acceptance will then hopefully help make talking a little easier.

How does stammering affect someone?
I can't speak for everyone however I can share from my own experience. For me, my stammer makes every day feel like an obstacle course. Is my stammer going to be bad today? Am I going to be able to hang around with and talk to my friends at lunch? Is my teacher going to make us read out loud? Am I going to embarrass myself? ... My stammer is my biggest insecurity and although it's not something I try to hide (i talk... like.. ALOT) it is something that I feel embarrassed about. I struggle at school, during registration, or whenever I'm asked to answer a question out loud. I struggle to tell people what I want and sometimes I find it difficult just to have normal conversations. It's sometimes hard to order meals or coffee, to talk on the phone, or even just using Siri/Alexa

What might be difficult for people who stammer?
  • Meeting new people 
  • Introducing themselves
  • Job interviews 
  • New environments 
  • Talking on the phone
  • Talking when there's a queue behind them
  • Making orders, restaurant, take away, coffee shop, bar, etc.
  • Talking above background noise,
  • Talking when others can overhear
  • Going to parties or social events
  • Zoom calls/meetings/facetime
  • School registration 
There are lots of different things which are made more difficult for a person who stammers, however that's not to say that everyone who stammers finds the above situations difficult.

How to talk to and support someone who stammers

Talking to someone who is stammering might feel uncomfortable but know that it's more uncomfortable for the stammering person. Try to be patient and listen as if you would to anyone else.
  • Try not to interrupt or talk over them
  • Please don't guess or try to finish their sentences
  • Try to avoid making jokes such as "Spit it out" or "Did you forget your name?"
  • Focus on what the person is saying and not how they're saying it
  • Try to keep eye contact
  • Be patient
  • Avoid advice, don't tell them to "slow down", "calm down", " don't be nervous", etc. 
  • Realize that talking over the phone might be difficult, sometimes texting is better
  • If you phone someone who stammers and hear nothing straight away, give them time
  • Ask them how/if you can make it easier for them
  • Know that someone who stammers still know exactly what they want to say, they're just figuring out how best to say it.
  • If you're in a group conversation with someone who you know stammers, ask if they'd like to speak and invite them into the conversation 
I think the best way to support someone who stammers is to just treat them like any other person but still understanding that certain situations can be a little more difficult for them. Patience is also super important. I had someone walk away from me mid-sentence once 🙃. It can feel rubbish when you're being treated differently just because of your speech impediment.


Hope this is a wee bit helpful for yous :) 


"Those with a stammer have the unique opportunity to teach the world to listen"

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Lovely thread! Definitely agree with finishing sentences and speaking over them, people do that a lot sometimes.
    One lecturer would always finish my friends sentences for her, she made her words longer.

    We could all do with being more patient and understanding in this world :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Liam :heart:

    Just wanted to say this thread is so lovely to start and I reckon it's going to help a lot of people. :smile:
    :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    I love this @liam ❤️ Allowing people to understand and educate themselves on stammering is the first step to seeing change! 
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    edited September 18
    aw fanxx pals 

    Past User said:
    One lecturer would always finish my friends sentences for her, she made her words longer.

     
    I get this a lot @Past User ..  my mam is always doing it and she usually gets what I want to say wrong lol
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,040 Supreme Poster
    This thread is really interesting, thank you for posting it @Liam <3 

    I didn't know much about this myself so it's been a really good read and taught me a lot!
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • MaisyMaisy Deactivated Posts: 701 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you for creating and sharing this with us!  It's very interesting and enlightening. It's also lovely to hear how your teacher asked how she can support you with your stammer :)
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  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,997 Extreme Poster
    Thank you guys for giving it a read !

    @Maisy @independent_

    ❤️
  • Former MemberFormer Member Keep being you<3 Posts: 1,489 Wise Owl
    This is a good thread @Liam Well Done! :)<3
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,602 Part of The Furniture
    Absolutely love this thread @Liam. As a fellow stammer-er, I found myself nodding to every single point you made here. I love how all those points are also just good rules for having a respectful, inclusive, considerate conversation with someone - stammer or no stammer. :)

    I had someone walk away from me mid-sentence once 🙃

    Glad it's not just me! I tend to block so I'm not sure if people genuinely think I'm finished or if they're just impatient, but I've had this a few times in person and on the phone. Nightmare.

    Also props to you for being able to talk to your teacher about it. Not something I ever felt comfortable with while I was at school - kudos for being vulnerable and having the courage. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    This is such a great thread, thank you so much for sharing @Liam :smile: I love that your teacher asked how they could best support you, you deserve that! And think it's a brilliant idea to share this understanding with others. I'm sure this can help a lot of people, both people who experience stammers and people who would like to support others. Thank you! 
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,199 Part of The Furniture
    Hey ! 

    I’m exactly the same to though mine is more when I’m anxious or stressed , I did a lot of SALT when I was younger so it’s not as noticeable unless my anxiety is high which at that point I kinda don’t talk to people 😂

    when I speak I find that I get so caught up on fact of trying not to stammer that I completely forgot what I was going to say ! 

    Have you seen the Young lad on educating Yorkshire mushuraf his name one who has a bad stammer and his English teacher found a way for him to be able to do his English speaking exam and he also gave a speech Infront of his year group simply by the teacher giving him some headphones and music he was about to almost fluently speak 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 8,105 Legendary Poster
    My dad has a stammer.  This is an amazing post. Well done Liam.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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